Mary Sue Goes to Hogwarts
Parody. Mary Sue lovers and writers probably shouldn't read this.
It was a perfectly average day toward the end of Harry's sixth year. He, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were sitting in the common room enjoying Wizard Chess and civilized conversations.
Then, Low and Behold! She entered. Her hair was every cliched description of black ever written. Her eyes glinted like rubies in the sun, her skin the color of newly fallen snow. (Not old snow mind you, that's kind of gray and manky, this is new, pristine, glistening snow.) Her outfit belonged in one of the romance novels that her creator usually read, but importantly, it left her arms bare so all could see the Dark Mark!
All conversation stopped. Ron and Harry stared in her directions like deer in the headlights of an oncoming Mac Truck. Then she turned her gaze upon Harry who leapt up, dropping Ginny off his lap, babbling, "I love you," over and over again.
(Ginny rubbing her left hip walked over to Hermione, "What do you think? Snape's long lost American Daughter, or Voldemort's?" "Voldemort's, see the red eyes.")
She began to declaim, "I am Mary Sue Riddle, the long lost American daughter of Voldemort. I'm here to seduce Harry ( "I love you!" he cried.) and then kill him for my evil father."
"Yet, I find myself being overpowered by your goodness…" she said looking adoringly at Harry's bright green eyes, now glistening with tears.
Harry wrapped himself around her, "I know there is good in you. You won't kill me!"
(It was at this moment that Voldemort felt a twinge on his end of the scar link. He decided to see what was going on with Harry, maybe they were finally planning how to go find him.)
"I'm so conflicted!" She sobbed clutching at Harry. "I want to love you…No, I do love you…But he's my father. How can I ever choose?"
(Voldemort clutched his head screaming. "Not another one! Wormtail fetch me my wand, I've got a fan fic writer to kill!")
Harry twitched in pain as his scar fired with Voldemort's rage. Mary Sue, oblivious to his pain, continued to declaim, "But I must help you! That's the only way I can prove my love! Besides my Horcrux destroying plot device will be totally useless if I remain true to my father!"
("Bloody Americans, like I'd ever touch one of them. I'm going to Crucio her 'til her ears bleed, then I'm going to kill her, then I'm going to raise her from the dead and do it all over again." Voldemort ranted.)
Finally a flash of green light enveloped Mary Sue who fell dead to the floor.
Hermione tucked her wand back into her robe. "That's what, five this week?"
Ginny cast a vanishing spell, whisking the corpse of Mary Sue away. She then walked to Harry and slapped him affectionately on the back of his head. "I've got a bruise from where I landed."
"Sorry about that, you know I can't control myself when a Mary Sue comes around." He lowered his voice so only Ginny could hear, "If you'd like I'll kiss it better later." He was mid salacious grin when Harry winced.
"One good thing about the American Voldemort Daughters he's still screaming in horror and ranting about what he's going to do to this one's writer. We've got at least two more days now 'till we need to do anything about him."
And they went back to Wizard Chess and civilized conversation.