As if being in love with someone like Nate Archibald wasn't bad enough, I had to spend my days watching him, doing his bidding, knowing that he doesn't even know that I exist. It laughable, not even Gossip girl knows I exist. No one does. Don't get confused or anything, I'm not a ghost, I'm not actually physically invisible, I'm just… well, poor. I should be grateful that with no money and living in foster care that I still get to go to the best school in the city but I wasn't. I was here on scholarship and I was surrounded on a daily basis by the elite, the richest that New York has to offer and the most beautiful. In some ways being invisible was a blessing, I could stare at Nate all I wanted without anyone noticing, I could pretty much do as I like without anyone noticing, because I had no one to notice.
That's how I find myself sitting alone in the quad at school, picking at the stale piece of bread I was given by my foster mum this morning, staring longingly in Nate's direction.
"Hey charity case what do you think you are staring at?" a waspish voice sounds in my ear suddenly and I jump in shock, so long has it been since anyone at this school spoke to me.
"I…" there's nothing I can say, my voice stuck in my throat as I stare up at Blair Waldorf, my entire body pulses with panic as I glance around to see everyone staring at me. The most popular kids, the richest and most beautiful kids of the most beautiful and richest kids.
"Looks like you've got an admirer Nate," Chuck Bass drawls and I feel my cheeks flame as I try to gather my things together to leave before anyone else can say anything.
"Don't run away, you haven't finished your… lunch," Blair smirks as she eyes the bread on the table.
"New diet?" Dan asks and I shrink in on myself completely, I had thought that if anyone understood my life and situation it would be Dan, I mean I knew it wasn't the same but he at least had a part scholarship.
"No," I whisper, cringing away from the chuckles that reverberate through the small crowd gathered around me.
"So, you're parents really are that poor?" Chuck asks in a condescending tone and despite the fact that I know what I am about to say won't hurt them, they won't care one bit and they won't feel guilty I feel like I should at least try.
"I wouldn't know, I've never met them," I say and regret that instantly,
"What are you talking about?" Blair asks and she seems intrigued which can't be good at all.
"Nothing, it… it doesn't matter," I mutter distractedly grabbing my things and pushing through them as I make my way to the toilets.
The next few weeks become more and more intense and I am struggling to cope with everything, not that I have anyone to talk to. The weirdest thing is that that group of elite socialites that I spend my days sitting behind in class they seem to be taking an interest in my life which is terrifying. Blair and Chuck have both begun to make comments at random and using my name occasionally in fact the only one who doesn't know my name or take any interest in me is Nate, sods law right? Things at home were more intense too, I was trying to study for the SATs and my foster parents where not enjoying that I had to study they were beginning to resent my presence and I wasn't sure how much longer it would be before they got rid of me.
Finally, the day of the SATs arrives and I head to the centre with everyone else and for the first time I don't have to think about anything other than the fact that I had to do well, I only concentrated on my test and it was almost blissful, I was equal for the first time to those around me and I can feel a smile on my face for the first time in a long time as I leave, knowing that I have done well. Knowing that I would one day be able to escape and find happiness away from this place.
Walking down the steps amid the masses of other SAT survivors when I glance up and see Nate in front of me and for one glorious, fantasy driven moment I think he might be smiling at me but it is short lived. My heart stops as my body does watching him smiling and laughing with her and putting her into his car. Throat constricting, I try to turn away but can't seem to manage it, he looks so happy.
"You don't belong in our world Morgan, this is just a reminder," Chucks voice startles me as he appears beside me and for a second as I look up at him I think I see a flicker of something like compassion in his expression and I offer him a bitter little smile.
"Neither does she," I reply in little more than a whisper,
"And she'll learn that soon enough," he smirks, "Nate is just having a bit of a mess around with the help," I sigh at this before turning away.
"Goodbye Chuck," I murmur, tears still stinging in my eyes he doesn't reply but then I wasn't expecting him to really. Instead I just head home knowing that I was due a punishment of some kind for being late.
By the time I do arrive home it is to see that my foster father is already drunk out of his skull and my foster mother is passed out asleep, one too many sleeping pills again. I sigh silently, hoping that at least this means that I could avoid any interaction with them this way. Creeping through the house into the kitchen I have just opened the fridge door when a cold hand grasps my arm in a vice like grip.
"Thieving little bitch," my foster father growls pulling my so harshly away from the fridge door that I yelp in pain and shock.
"I was just getting some dinner on," I squeak out shakily,
"You don't eat tonight I have other things planned," my blood runs cold as he drags me through to the living room, this was new, and terrifying.
"I don't know what you mean," I whisper and before I can do anything his hands are ripping at my clothes and I am screaming, a blow across my face has me seeing stars and tasting blood in my mouth. I scream again and push him as hard as I can, thanking whatever deities there are that he is drunk enough for me to overpower him. He falls back and I run, out of the house and down the street. I keep running, tears blurring my vision and my head pounding painfully.
"Morgan?" I gasp and yelp in fright as someone calls my name and grabs my arm, looking up I see Nate's face swimming before my own, "Jesus Morgan what happened to you?" he asks and I try to back away from him quickly tripping and landing on my arse.
"S…sorry," I stutter eventually and he sighs as he crouches down in front of me before pulling me gently to my feet and sitting me on a bench where he sits beside me.
"What's going on Morgan?" he asks and the concern in his voice is so confusing I almost forget where I am and what is happening.
"How do you even know my name?" I ask quietly and he sighs moving closer to me and then removing his coat and wrapping it around me as I shiver, "I don't understand," I say trying desperately to keep the emotion out of my voice.
"Let's get you somewhere warm and I'll explain everything," he murmurs in response pulling me up gently and I don't have it in me to argue, I sit quietly, almost catatonic in the car he puts me in trying not to think about his concerned glances as I try to work out what parallel universe I've slipped into.