'Control'
(Halsey)
"They send me away to find them a fortune
A chest filled with diamonds and gold
The house was awake
With shadows and monsters
The hallways they echoed and groaned
I sat alone, in bed 'til the morning
I'm crying, "They're coming for me"
And I tried to hold these secrets inside me
My mind's like a deadly disease
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out,
"Please stop, you're scaring me"
I can't help this awful energy
Goddamn right, you should be scared of me!
Who is in control?
I paced around for hours, on empty
I jumped at the slightest of sounds
And I couldn't stand the person inside me
I turned all the mirrors around
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out,
"Please stop, you're scaring me"
I can't help this awful energy
Goddamn right, you should be scared of me!
Who is in control?
I'm well acquainted
With villains that live in my bed
They beg me to write them
So they'll never die when I'm dead
And I've grown familiar
With villains that live in my head
They beg me to write them
So I'll never die when I'm dead
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out,
"Please stop, you're scaring me"
I can't help this awful energy
Goddamn right, you should be scared of me!
Who is in control?
AND ALL THE KIDS CRIED OUT,
"PLEASE STOP, YOU'RE SCARING ME"
I CAN'T HELP THIS AWFUL ENERGY
GODDAMN RIGHT, YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF ME!
WHO IS IN CONTROL?"
Rey stumbled quickly through the Resistance base, tears streaming down her face that she couldn't stop. Her hand flew up to grip her head as she looked around at nothing in a panic. "Why won't it stop? Why won't it stop?!" she screamed in her mind. She was nearly at the hatch that was her escape when a hand reached up and grabbed at her other arm. She hissed and struck violently at it almost like a reflex as she turned on her heel to send daggers with her eyes at whoever dared to touch her. The attack was quick but effective as the perpetrator pulled away with a loud sound of pain. It was Finn.
"What the hell, Rey?" he said, shocked. He looked at her and paused in mid protest. Her eyes…they were nearly on fire. "Rey?" he said, anger replaced with concern. Slowly, he stepped closer to her but she retreated.
"Don't." she said warningly, her tone contrasting with the murderous look in her eyes as she looked at her friend. She hated, couldn't stand, the look of compassion on his face.
"Rey, are you ok? What's going on with you?" he nearly whispered, shaking his head as he looked at her with nothing but love. Rey said nothing. She stood there, seething.
She watched as Finn slowly raised up his hand, and just as it got close enough to touch her face, she slapped it, hard, away from her. "I SAID DON'T!" she screamed, and, spinning back around, she hit the door control and sprinted into the wilds of the planet.
"REY!" she could hear him call behind her, but it might as well have been a bird or blaster fire or the sun burning. She ran, as fast as she could, as the voices and the thoughts swirled around in her head.
'Come back!'
'Stay here. I'll come back for you. I'll come back, sweetheart. I promise.'
'I'm here! Right here! Where are you?'
'You'd imagine an ocean…'
'Sentiment. Such a simple thing. Such a foolish error of judgement.'
'Bring the girl to me.'
Rey cried out. She screamed and she screamed. "Why is this happening to me?!" she shrieked, clutching at her head, squeezing it as if she might shatter her own skull and relieve herself of all the pain and anger and violence bombarding her, when in front of her a twig snapped. She gasped and her hand was instantly at her lightsaber.
"You?!" she cried, face contorted in pain and confusion.
Kylo Ren stood several feet away from her, helmet gone, unarmed, with a single thin, pink scar running from his brow to the side of his right cheek. He remained unmoved, staring at her.
"How?!" she continued, breath stuttering from all the crying and the running. Slowly, he began to walk towards her. She unlatched her weapon and pressed the switched, the blue of the saber lighting up her face but it didn't stop him. He kept coming.
"Stop!" she screamed.
The light shown off of her wet cheeks as she waved the weapon before her, as if it were a torch that could ward off the darkness already enveloping her, but he never looked away, never broke eye contact with her, and he was just feet away.
"I SAID STOP!" she shrieked, and when his steady pace brought him just near enough, she took a swing, a wild strike down to the left, and as her body followed through with the movement and her miss connected with the ground, he moved. He was like lightening, and suddenly he was looming over her. He grabbed at her hands, holding them downward, as he pried the weapon out of her hands and flicked the weapon off.
"NO!" she wailed. "NO! NO! NO!" and as he wretched the weapon out of her grasp, he threw it out of her reach. She wept, repeating her protest over and over, and as she collapsed to the ground she felt as an arm swept around her waist and guided her to the forest floor rather than let her fall, and soon arms were around her, warm, and unerringly tight.
"Shh," he hushed. "I heard you. For weeks, I've heard you." She wept in his arms, face pressed against his chest, no longer caring who it was or why it might've been bad. He brushed her tangled hair away from her face- wet with her tears it stuck to her skin.
"What is this?!" she got out between sobs, hand gripping the front of his tunic. She felt his chest rise and fall with a sigh. "I…it's so much. So much pain. I want to…" she thought, trying to calm her breath. Her nails dug into him. "I want to destroy all of it," she finished. Kylo closed his eyes briefly before opening them again to look down at her, caressing her shaking arm with his thumb.
"I know," he said softly, running his fingers gently across her cheek. "I know."
She began sobbing again, and he loosened his embrace slightly as he felt her hands clutch onto the fabric of his clothing more firmly. He held her close as she cried, and suddenly she pulled up, her hand gripping his shoulder, and she buried her face in his neck. He could feel it, her tears soaking through his tunic, her breath against his skin, and he cradled her, not bothering to stop her. His face morphed into a familiar kind of pain.
"Sometimes," he began quietly. "the only way you feel you can stop it is if you force it to stop."
Suddenly, her crying ceased. He let her pull away from him, and her eyes that looked up, red-rimmed in a thousand tears and shot through with a pain he had suffered, he felt, his entire life, bore so innocently into his that he felt a streak of something wet slip from his own eye. He brushed a thumb against her cheek, trying to clear it all away.
"You know?" she asked simply. She sounded so childlike.
'It isn't her strength that is making you fail. It is your weakness.'
Silently, he closed his eyes and nodded yes, looking at her again. He rested his hand against her chin.
"Come with me."
A/N: All dialogue in single quotations are from the TFA novel, which makes them canon. How can it possibly get better? Hope you guys enjoyed it.