To find a reason to live
Chapter 1 –
Finding a reason to live –
Kagome –
It had been 3 months. 3 horrible months since Naraku's demise, and the completion of the Jewel… The deaths of her friends. The last two, to stand on the battlefield had been Kagome… and Sesshoumaru. The well had closed, so she had been stuck in the Feudal Era since. She had left Sesshoumaru, heartbroken and wounded, and had went back to Edo, to try to go home, and it had been then she found out she couldn't go home. She could not see her family ever again. Her friends were dead, so were Shippou, her adopted son… and Inu-Yasha to. Her world had come crashing down and left her empty as a shell.
She had ignored Kaede and had left to wander. Wander till she could no more. It had been that way and the only reason she were at the forest, when she heard a girl scream. Something in Kagome took over. She knew that scream 'Rin!' She ran as fast as she could in the direction of the scream. When she found them, she saw a raccoon youkai holding Rin in her hair in the air
"Let her go!" Kagome demanded, not giving a shit if she got hurt or killed. She had lost that will when she found out she could no longer go back to her time. And the only reason all this had happened to her were because of the Jewel. That cursed Jewel! The jewel had gone back to her body when completed, but if she were to die, the Jewel would most definitely be destroyed, and that just added more to her death wish. She couldn't wish it away, since it would be for a selfish reason, if she did. She saw the youkai smirk
"Why should I?" Kagome got closer to them
"Take me instead of her" Kagome offered. She saw the surprise in the youkai's face.
"Or, I could just take you both!" In a flash he had Kagome in the same position as Rin
"Lady Kagome" she heard Rin cry. Kagome looked calmly at Rin
"When you get loose, you will run as fast as you can back to your camp" she saw Rin's confused face and heard an amused laugh from the youkai
"And what makes you think that I will let her go?" Kagome looked at the youkai with indifference
"Because you so foolishly have a miko in your hands who has nothing more to lose" and with that she grabbed a hold on the hand, who was holding Rin, and zapped it with her powers, which immediately let Rin go
"Run!" Kagome ordered, when she saw Rin on the forest floor. When Rin started to run, she felt the youkai turn to move, about to stop the girl from running
"No you won't!" Kagome hissed and trapped them both in her barrier
"You filthy human! Release me at once!" he threw Kagome to the ground, growling
"I will not drop the barrier until she is far enough away!" she hissed. The youkai moved on top of her
"Well let's see how long it will hold, when I am done with you" Kagome closed her eyes, waiting. She did not scream when the youkai started to cut her. The attacks got more and more brutal and furious
"Why will you not scream?!" She heard him hiss
"You are not worth it" Kagome provoked, trying to make him, kill her faster
"You wench!" wench… that word… how she hated that word so much. Inu-Yasha always used to call her that… She opened her eyes
"What did you call me?" she asked emotionless, and still not showing the incredible pain she was in
"I called you wench, wench" he spat in her the face. Kagome, for the first time in months, felt some of her old fire return. She zapped him with her energy to get him of, before slowly and painfully getting to her feet
"You could just have killed me! It was not like I was struckling or anything, but calling me… that… was your biggest mistake" before the youkai got to react, Kagome had closed her eyes and shot out the last energy she had in her, out of her body and a moment later, she felt the youkai being purified, before she herself collapsed to the ground, welcoming death.
Sesshoumaru –
'Damn Jaken!' He was completely useless! Once again Rin had disappeared, but it did not take him long, before he saw his ward, come running crying to him. He smelt little blood on her
"What happened, Rin?" he asked, trying not to sound to cold
"Rin was attacked, but Lady Kagome saved Rin and told Rin to run back to camp, leaving Lady Kagome alone with the bad youkai!" she answered quickly and panicking
"Please safe her Lord Sesshoumaru! She saved Rin!" So, his ward had been saved by the miko. He hadn't seen her since that day when it had been all over. She had just left, wounded and heartbroken, saying nothing. The loss of her friends, her pup and love had hurt her deeply. He had smelt how deep her grief had been and with her wounds, he had not expected her to survive, which had been a pity, since she had been the one delivering the deadly blow. But she had survived, and to top it off, saved his ward
"Go to Ah-Un. I will save the miko" Rin's tears vanished and instead she smiled big
"Hai Lord Sesshoumaru" and he ran in the direction Rin had come from
It wasn't long till he smelled her blood in the air. He quickened his pace. When he finally got there he froze to the spot. In a barrier, laid the miko, taking in every blow from the youkai, with no sound or emotion showing, like she was already dead, but he could still hear her calm heartbeat… Well, that was until the youkai had called her wench. She zapped the youkai away, and she got slowly and awkwardly to her feet
"You could just have killed me, It was not like I was struck ling or anything, but calling me… that… was your biggest mistake" Sesshoumaru was stunned. One minute, she had welcomed death, simply given up, but one word had changed it all. He saw her starting to glow before the entire barrier, became lit up in pink light, and then a few seconds later, the light disappeared along with the barrier. In a flash, he was at her side. She had multiple wounds and deep cuts everywhere. She was bleeding heavily. She wouldn't survive. He shook his head disappointed 'She got what she wanted'. He turned to leave, but again froze when he heard her whisper painful words
"… not them… It should have been me instead of them…" He turned to look at her. So, she believed that it should have been her to die on that horrible night… He could not help but sympathize with her. She lost so much that night. He knew the feeling of loss when first his mother died, and then his father and the affair because of it. But it had changed because of Rin, and because of something this little miko did on that night. 'Rin' the miko had saved her. Even though he smelt the miko's acceptance of death, he also sensed a part of her still fighting to hold on to life. Without anymore thinking he took the miko in him arms and hurried back to his camp.
Kagome –
Pain. Such unbelievable pain. Kagome grunted. So, she was still alive. She slowly opened her eyes and froze. Before her, at a small fire, she saw Rin, Jaken… and Sesshoumaru… Why was she here? Why had she been saved? Why had he saved her? A -Yasha's 'wench' as he liked to call her.
"Rin?" Kagome tried to speak, but it only came out as a whisper. She saw Sesshoumaru shift his gaze to her, before shifting it to Rin
"The miko is awake" She felt Jaken and Rin's gazes on her. Rin came running over to her, and kneeled down next Kagome
"Lady Kagome is finally awake!" Kagome smiled a bit weak, it felt stiff since she had not smiled in a long time
"I am glad to see you are okay Rin" Kagome said. Rin smiled big
"Only because you saved Rin, so Rin asked Lord Sesshoumaru to save Lady Kagome" Kagome smirked, she had thought as much. There was no way in hell; Sesshoumaru would have done it voluntarily
"That was very kind of you. Thank you Rin" she said a bit bitterly, but hoped Rin did not notice
"So, why were you in the forest Lady Kagome?" Rin asked. Kagome frowned. It was not like she could tell Rin the truth, well, not the entire truth anyway…
"I was just going for a walk" Kagome answered with no emotion portraying in her. Rin seemed to accept her answer.
"Would you mind helping me up, so I can sit by a tree?" Kagome asked Rin. She wanted desperately to sit up, her back was killing her! And she needed the help, and she refused to ask the two youkai's of any favors, but before Rin got the chance to help Kagome, she felt strong, but gentle hands around her waist, helping her up. She looked to see Sesshoumaru, but again, before she could get to talk or protest, he had moved her to the nearest tree
"Thank you" she said bitterly, while trying to sit down, without it being too painful. At first Sesshoumaru just stood in front of her, before he too sat down, right next to her 'What is he doing? This is very unlike him. If he is not carefull he will get human germs on him' she thought sarcastically. Kagome looked at Rin, who was dancing around the fire with a furious Jaken running after her
"You lied to her" Sesshoumaru suddenly said. Kagome looked at him surprised, for 3 reasons:
1: He had spoken first, and it hadn't been a threat or an insult
2: How the hell did he know she had lied?
3: And why care if she had?
Kagome sighed, but kept her mask on
"Yes" She turned to look at Rin again
"Why?" Kagome rolled her eyes 'Nosy much?'
"I do not believe it would have been right or good for her to hear the truth" She felt his gaze on her. It was kind of nerve wrecking
"Why?" he asked again. Kagome was now getting frustrated
"Because my reason is not for a child to hear" She still felt his gaze on her, and that just added more to the irritation she felt inside
"Why not?" This time Kagome turned her head to meet his gaze with a glare
"I am not telling you the reason, and you have no use of it. Thank you for saving my life on the behave of Rin, but that does not mean I have to tell you anything" She saw his eyes narrow 'Well, this is a way to get killed, and he is just the perfect youkai to the task' She smirked
"Lost your words Lord Sesshoumaru?" she teased provocatively. Soon she felt herself pinned up against a tree, with Sesshoumau's claws around her neck. She just looked at him unaffected
"Do not show this Sesshoumaru such disrespect" he growled
"Or what? You will kill me? Go on ahead! Why do you think I was in that forest anyway?! I have just waited for it, so just do it!" She screamed out, tears strolling unwillingly down her cheeks. She felt his hand loosened around her neck one moment, and only to be hugged the next. She felt his breath in her ear
"I will not allow you to give up Kagome" Kagome tears started to flow heavily 'What is he doing? Why did he call me by my name? Why…?'
"Why do you act like you care?" She felt his grip on her tighten, but not so it hurt her wounds more
"Because of that night. You single handled killed Naraku, with an unearthly power. You are a strong being… and you have survived this long… I will not allow it to happen" he whispered gently in her ear
"The only reason I am still alive is because the jewel inside me keeps me alive. I have been ripped, scratched, cut, beaten up, kicked into oblivion and many other things, trying to die these past 3 months, but the Jewel won't allow it… It won't allow me back to my time and my family!" she hissed frustrated. She felt herself being pulled out a bit from his hug
"What do you mean?" Oh yeah… He didn't know
"I am Priestess Kikiyo's reincarnation. I come from 500 years into the future, and the 'Bone Eaters Well' were how I travelled between these two eras, but the jewel closed the portal when completed" again she started crying heavily, and she felt his arms around her again tighten.
Sesshoumaru –
'That was why she always came up from that well…' Sesshoumaru looked at the crying girl in his arms 'Her pain is like mine… Even though I lost my parents, she does not live to get to see them one day'
'Unless' his beast began. Sesshoumaru frowned. He knew exactly what his beast was insinuating
'No! I will not take a miko as mate, just to make sure she gets to see her family again!' He growled mentally
'She has proven herself to us, and she has proven she can protect Rin. She cares for Rin' Sesshoumaru frowned. He must admit she was unbelievable strong, both in mind, heart and power, but he didn't feel that towards her
'You lust for her' his beast said
'No, that is you' Sesshoumaru countered
'You respect her…' His beast continued
'Yes, but that is not…'
'… She is protective, that she has already proven in more than one occasion. She is loyal, kind, open hearted, and! She needs protection!' his beast interrupted hissing. Sesshoumaru again looked down at the girl in his arms. No. He would find another way for her, without them becoming mates, and he would protect her in the meanwhile
"This Sesshoumaru offers his protection, and help in search of a way for you to reunite with your family" He felt her tense in his arms before she looked up at him with teary blue eyes. Those blue eyes… You could drown in them. He came back to reality when she spoke
"You would do that for me?" Sesshoumaru chose to only nod. He saw a small smile forming on her lips
"Thank you. I cannot describe how much… this means to me" Sesshoumaru pulled her closer. He liked the way she felt in his arms
"I do not know how to return such a…"
"Look after Rin, and help me on my search, and that will be enough" he interrupted. He felt her, hugging him back, and he smelt her tears of gratitude. He soon felt her become relaxed in his arms, and then seemed limp 'She has exhausted herself' He carried the sleeping miko and laid her down on the ground gently, next to the fire, so she wouldn't get cold
"Is Lady Kagome staying with us Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked, while laying a blanket over the miko
"Yes" he simply answered. Rin smiled big
"I finally have a mother again" Rin whispered. Sesshoumaru froze. He admitted that he might have neglected a lot of things when it came to Rin, but she always smiled, and was happy and seemed contempt… but yes. She needed a mother, and the miko was indeed suitable for the task, since she had loved and treated the little kitsune as her own.
'See, even more reason for us to mate with her! She is excellent with pups!' his beast added as a plus on the miko mating side of the pile.
'We have already had this conversation, and the miko and I have come to an agreement' he hissed at his beast
Yes, but the agreement can also involve mating, if decided later' his beast growled back
'And I want her as mate! I have since I first smelled her blood and saw her power that night, but that was not the time, now is' Sesshoumaru growled
'You will! I will not!' His beast just growled louder
'You will, just wait and see. You already care for her that you cannot deny!' Sesshoumaru froze. His beast was right, even though he did not understand why. There was something appealing about her. He wanted to protect her, see her kindness and her long lost fire
'Not long lost' No, his beast was right. Her fire had manifested by a single word from the attacking youkai. He smirked. To be so upset over such a silly word
'It was what our half-brother used to call her in anger, remember?' His beast said. Yes, he remembered several occasions were his idiotic half-brother had insulted her, and it was usually when she tried to help. But, he had been ungrateful to what he had. Sesshoumaru had seen the power she possessed that night. It had been… terrifying, even for him, but… she had protected him from her, when her powers went loose
Flashback -
3 months earlier, 1 hour into the fight with Naraku –
Sesshoumaru's perspective –
Sesshoumaru was fighting of Naraku's blasted miasma tentacles, when he suddenly heard a terrifying scream. He looked to see the miko crying over the demon slayer, monk and kitsune's bodies.
"No! This can't happen! This was not supposed to happen!" The miko screamed. He watched how she began to glow strongly
"Kagome! Get out of the way!" Sesshoumaru heard Inu-Yasha scream. The next thing he saw, because he had become distracted, was Inu-Yasha hanging dead, impaled, several places, among his heart, by the miasma tentacles, over the miko's head. He heard her scream in agony and sorrow once again, before she looked at him for a tiny moment, and he ended up in a pink barrier, and then… everything lit up. He looked at the miko with wide surprised eyes. She was looking like… an angel. She herself was infused in pink light and the same pink light rose from her shoulder blades like big wings, and then… everything turned pink. Nothing else could be seen. When he was able to see again, he saw the miko, standing in the same place, Naraku had just been standing in, infusing the jewel inside of her, and then she dropped his barrier. She looked at him with an empty stare, before leaving wounded and heartbroken. Sesshoumaru himself, stood stunned… amazed. Never in his life had he witnessed anything so… beautiful, and… deadly, as the miko has been. It had been that day he knew she had to be more than human.
End of flashback –
He wanted to find out what she was. What she could with her power, since she had proven to him that she was no ordinary miko. What she had done that night, was unheard of. He would know since he had used the past three months to investigate her ability. He was not obsessed, merely curious
'Yeah right. Just curious' his beast said mockingly. He looked at the miko
'She is human' Sesshoumaru added as a negative to the mating miko list
'Then find a way to make her demon'his beast persisted. Sesshoumaru paused, and thought about it
'I will find a way, but she has to agree on it, if and when the opportunity is presented' his beast growled
'Okay, deal' Sesshoumaru could feel his beast wasn't happy about it, but, if she would ever, possibly, be considered mate to him, then he would prefer her youkai
'That is just selfish' his beast hissed
'Do you want hanyou children?!' Sesshoumaru hissed back
'With her powers? Are you kidding me!? Half youkai, half really strong miko? They would be extremely stronger than any hanyou!' his beast had apparently made its decision. It wanted the miko as mate. He would have to fight hard not to lose control to it. Sesshoumaru sighed frustrated. He went over to a tree and leaned up against it. He looked at the miko one more time, before drifting into sleep.