A/N: Okay so, this was mostly a drabble that I've been working on to postpone writing a character death in another story. Fuck you Taylor, Fuck you.
Also thanks to IamDeadGhost for catching the weird glitch that occurred while posting this chapter the first time. (Seriously, I don't know what I would do without you.)
EJ
Eyes. Some would say they're portals to the soul or some shit. Others say they can tell a story, an entire life with just a look. Obviously I've got my own theory because there's a fanfiction and it's about eyes.
Well here it goes. In my opinion, eyes are the best way to tell if someone is lying. They shift, they blink and they stare. You can get everything else right but if your eyes don't agree then your stories probably shit. It doesn't matter that the facts all add up, if you don't believe it, neither will your eyes. It's one of the hardest things for people to control when they're learning to lie.
Personally, I'm really good at lying. It probably helps that I don't have eyes. When people look at me and try to detect if I'm lying they always come up empty. All I've got are black empty pits that betray nothing. Of course being blind also means I can't see people's eyes either. For me however, that doesn't pose much of a problem. There are other, more reliable ways to spot a lie.
Hearing for example. I can hear when someone bites their lip or taps their foot. If they're close enough, I can hear their heartbeat speed up or skip nervously. Smell is another useful thing to employ. Nerves change what someone smells like. I can smell the shiftiness in them and the sweat that forms on their palms. The two of those senses never failed me when discerning the truth from the well-crafted falsehood.
Despite my skill at the activity I've never liked to lie. Most of the time I tell the truth but there are certain questions I can't answer. When the results would cause a bigger problem than the lie I go with the path of least resistance.
One of those times were when Jeff asked if I missed my old life. I was forced to lie and say no to avoid getting teased mercilessly for the rest of my existence. The truth was that I did miss my life before being forced into this life. Everyone else I'm around had something awful happen to them to bring them to that point in life. For me it was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The other most memorable time was when Jane asked if I had feelings for anyone. Everyone had been joking about the fact that I was one of the only single people in the room. After much sniggering, Jane had inquired if there was someone after all. Maybe at a different time and place I would have told the truth but right then, you were sitting right across the room from me. Before the very person Jane wanted to know about, I had no choice but to lie.
What interested me about that situation was that when she asked you the same question, you lied too. I knew you were lying because I heard you bite your lip and turn your head quickly. Jane knew too of course but she's not cruel like Jeff. She didn't ask anything else, but I wanted to.
The only problem about that was the fact that you would no doubt ask the same thing of me and I didn't really want to lie to you about something like that. You're one of the only people I can't lie to and I know exactly why that is. It's because I love you Ben.
And that love is the reason I end up crying at times. To me, it's unfair that even without eyes, I can still cry. I hate crying so much because when I cry, I can't lie. Something about the tears that fill up my empty sockets and wash away the black goo that streams down my cheeks ruins any attempt at falsehood on my part. It's probably good that I don't cry often.
But there are times you say or do something that triggers the feelings of hopelessness that break me open and leaves me sobbing silently in my room, unable to think clearly. Sometimes though, it's just the overwhelming feeling of loving you, and knowing that you don't feel the same.
Today it's the latter that has me unable to leave my room, even after LJ told me to come downstairs. After dreaming about you all night, I'm sitting on my bed, staring sightlessly at the wall, forced into inaction by the tears streaming down my cheeks. The knowledge of what will be has me spending too much time on stupid wishes. One of those wishes is that you'll find me here. If you asked, I wouldn't be able to lie to you.
I might actually be able to finally tell you how I feel.
A knock at my door makes me rethink my original wishes. Trying to kid myself into believing it's not you is pointless because I've memorized your step. Your knuckles rap against my door and your voice calls out to me. "Hey Jack, why aren't you downstairs?"
I know I should answer but I'm not sure what to say. I can't lie to you and I can't lie in this state so I just stay silent even though I know what's going to happen because of it. I once told you that if you knocked and I didn't answer, you should come in. I'm not sure why I said that but at least I'm not surprised when you open the door and slip inside.
"Jack, are you okay?" I hear the worry tainting your voice as you close the door and walk over to me. I want to put on the mask I hold in my limp fingers and say 'yes' but the word won't come out so I chose the only other alternative.
"No." I whisper past the tears. You take the last steps to me and sit down next to me. I feel the concern come off of you in waves.
"Why not?" You ask softly. The bed bends in as you shift yourself closer to me. Your breath tickles my tear stained cheeks as you lean closer. "EJ, why are you crying?"
I'm crying because I love you Ben and I know that you don't feel the same about me. I want to say it but if I do, you'll hate me. If you hate me Ben, I won't know what to do; the pain will be too great, so instead I push out a simple, "Because of you." And fall silent again.
At once I know I've said the wrong thing as sadness comes from the air around you. "What did I do EJ?" You ask desperately as you reach up to brush my tears away. Small fingers graze my cheeks as you attempt to wipe away the proof of my pain. Confusion and desperation show through your voice as you whisper, "I'm sorry Jack, tell me what I did so I can make it better. Please, don't cry anymore."
I want to comply with your words but I can't stop the hot wetness that flows from the empty sockets that once were my eyes. A soft whimper escapes you as you fight a losing battle with my tears. "Please Jack," You beg softly, tears threatening to spill from your own eyes. "Tell me what I did."
I want to lie to you, but I know it's pointless to try. Knowing you'll hate me after I tell you, I turn my head away from your hands and mutter, "You made me fall in love with you Ben."
All is silent but for a soft, "Oh." from you. Everything I'd built between the two of us shatters with that word. You must hate me now. After all, what's not to hate? I'm a cannibalistic monster that hopes you just might return my feelings. For a moment I think you might hug me or something but when nothing happens, I confirm what I already knew: You're disgusted with me.
With a heavy and breaking heart, I put my mask on my face and order in a voice hardly above a whisper. "Leave."
My world shatters as you get to your feet and walk away.
A/N: Until such time as I finish the next chapter this is going to be rated T but that might change to M depending on how much I want to avoid writing a different story. For now it's just a cleansing sad story that takes my mind off of killing people.
