Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, or any of the characters in this piece.
Just a short drabble I wanted to write about, set during 'Here Com the Drums'
111
'It's like… It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist, that's what it's like.'
Jack watched the doctor turn away and couldn't help but wonder if he realised the irony in what he had said, and just how often he himself made people feel like that.
People were drawn to the doctor. He remember back when he first met Rose, that look in the corner of her eye when ever she spoke about her friend, even before meeting him Jack knew the whilst Rose was more then willing to flirt with Jack, really her feelings and possibly heart were with the doctor. The man who had simply taken her away from her shop and shown her everything, the one man there was who could literally give someone the universe.
Jack himself had fallen into the trap. The joking and flirting both with and without Rose, it was not long after joining the two that he realised he cared for them both. But it wasn't till he saw the TARDIS vanish from in front of him that he realised he loved them.
The years following were the hardest, Jack never blamed Rose for what had happened to him knowing that it was the doctor who really controlled everything. The confusing feelings differing between convincing himself that he no longer loved but hated the man, and the longing to see him 'the right doctor' as he had told Gwen, hoping that this was the one man he may run in to that could fix him.
The hand was a blessing, being able to almost feel the doctor's aura, but it was never enough. The feeling of hope that had encompassed him when he heard the TARDIS engines was amazing, and unlike anything he had felt in years. But the doctor had tried to leave without him again. Holding onto the TARDIS through the vortex was one of the hardest things he had done in a long time.
Waking up he had first been distracted by the gorgeous creature kneeling over him, and when he finally saw the doctor he felt the rage he had built inside himself at the man who left him behind, but the doctor just shrugged it off like it was unimportant.
This doctor was different he spoke differently, acted somewhat differently, and definitely looked different, handsome in a far more obvious way. Jack wondered how Rose had felt, she had been so in love with the doctor even in his old body. How did she feel looking at this one and hopefully knowing that even though he loved her he would never do anything about it?
Thinking about Rose only reminded Jack of how the doctor had treated him, and he had felt a need to hurt him, bringing up Rose so harsh and sarcastically in front of Martha, but again the doctor was never someone to be shown up, directing them both to thing about what was really important around them.
It was as they stood looking down on the remains of the conglomeration that Jack realised his feelings never died. He always loved the doctor hidden beneath layers of his invented hatred. And suddenly everything was different, Jack felt alive and like himself again, flirting with people he had never met before and knew he never would again simply because he knew it was a sure way to get the doctor's attention and warnings.
Because without the warnings Jack would never really have the doctor's attention, no one would. The doctor looked at the bigger picture and never really paid complete attention to anyone. Except Rose, Rose he could speak to and make it seem like there was no one else in the universe besides the two of them. But Jack doubted he ever really told her that, that he loved her. Maybe she had felt invisible too.
Because whilst both Jack and Rose had been drawn to the doctor, trapped under his spell, he would never really understand humans and the ways they could feel. Whilst humans had so many different ways to feel about another person, the doctor seemed to go straight from friendship to love, and even that was rare.
Jack knew what it would feel like to put the key around his neck, as Rose and countless others would have know, because the doctor had made them feel it so many times, invisible.
Catching Martha's longing look after the doctor's retreating back, and her quick glance to him for help, Jack could not help but feel sorry for her. He could tell her she wasn't alone, and that many people including himself and Rose felt the same way. But there wasn't time for that. Instead he just pointed at her quickly
'You too huh?'
Jack walked away, knowing he was leaving Martha stranded slightly, but she would learn how to deal with it everybody else had. Hopefully she would understand what he had meant, that as the Face of Boe had said to the doctor 'you are not alone.'
Authors Note:
Okay that was my first Doctor Who fanfic. I've just had it in my head and wanted to get it down. Tell me what you think.