How could this happen to me

How could this happen to me?

A hunt gone wrong, I open my eyes and the sight of blood meets my tired eyes. Something has gone very wrong here. Something comes near to me, I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light. Voices are echoing all around me. I can't remember how long I've been stood here. Can't even remember what happened. I can't remember why I even agreed to come on this stupid mission. I knew it would end in tears, even if not my own!

That's my problem, I'm too kind. I'm not the sort of guy to just waltz in, killing everyone and anything else. That's what I'm told anyway. I collapse onto the cold ground. So now I'm lying here tonight covered in my own blood and the sight of the man I'd die to protect. I guess my wish came true. It hurts though, and I can't stand the pain. My master steps back and sneers down at me. Then as I lie still, looking up at him my mind is filled with his murder, and I can't make it go away. I don't want that to happen! But to have him see me as a tool, even though I declared it willingly, I'd hoped he'd see me as more, and that hurts me the most. No I can't stand the pain.

How could this happen to me? How could my father's hatred have led to this? Forced into killing innocents to become a Shinobi and protect Zabuza, his only family. When I attacked that Uchiha boy it looked as if I'd managed to avoid the vital organs, but something was wrong. The boy should have gotten up a good few minutes ago. I've made my mistakes before. What if this was another one?

At least if I have killed him I will be serving my sentence. I've got nowhere to run. The wound was fatal, it was meant to be, after all it was meant to destroy Zabuza. The night goes on as I'm fading away I feel weak. The last time I felt this weak was after my father had killed my mother. All this killing, it's getting too much! I'm sick of this life. Perhaps it's a good thing I'm dying. It's comeuppance for killing so many. Then I realise, my dream hasn't come true yet! I just wanna scream. My dream is that Zabuza's dream comes true. But there's nothing I can do now. I'm fading from this life; I know it's selfish to think this but how could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming now. My eyes droop to close so I can't see anything. I want to though; I want to know what's going on! I try to speak, I try to make a sound but no one hears me. I want to know if my master has fallen. I want to know if that Kakashi man is dead. I want to know so many things but I can't. I can feel it; I'm slipping off the edge. If life and death was a cliff I'd be on it. On the edge, looking down, if I had a rope to climb down I can see it now; I'm hanging by a thread.

Forgive me my love, family and master. I went about this all wrong and now you'll pay for it. If you are put in a situation as you were before I won't be able to pull you back. How I wish I could help you. I wanna start this over again. It's fruitless but I try to get to my feet. I want to be with you as you die, not that you will, you're strong, but just in case you do, so I try to hold myself away from the clutches of death to see you rise from the flames as you have done so many other times.

My mind casts back, on to a time when you were being shunned from the villages and I was at your side. You had been attacked, half killed, I only a young boy at the time. You were my idol, still are! Nothing mattered to me as long as you were safe. But you wouldn't let me touch you. Why? Did you hate my touch? Did it remind you of compassion that you had forbade me from feeling when we first met? It sounds so strange now, even after you forbade me, I still felt it, and I can't explain why. The only thing I can think of is that I loved you so much I couldn't not be worried.

My death is coming closer. My mind is racing through everything blindly, what happened and I can't erase the things that I've done. No matter how hard I try. I don't like feeling regrets; I've never had them before, yet I feel them now. I should have stopped myself from doing what I did, stopped Zabuza from asking me to do it, but he would have sent me away from him. But I wouldn't have been able to. Not even now. No I can't leave him. Not yet! Not until his goal is complete!

How could this happen to me? I used to be so perfect, a dead aim, master of disguise. Yet I failed. I've made my mistakes but none of them have ever been as serious as this! I'm losing my fight to live. I can feel a shadow as death descends over me, a sharp kick to the side. I'm limp, lifeless; I've got nowhere to run. If this is my mental anguish then why can I still feel pain? I can't make any noise; my eyes are tight closed; yet my soul is still attached to my body, even though everything has shut down.


The night goes on as I'm fading away. I've lost all sense of time, I don't know how long I've been here but I'm sick of this life. I want to leave this shell. Perhaps I've stayed here for a reason? Whatever the reason is, I don't want to stay. At least, I don't think I do. I just wanna scream, I feel suicidal but is this really me? Everyone always thought I was suicidal but I wasn't. Now I'm just a dying man, well, boy. How could this happen to me, I'm still a boy. I have, had, my whole life ahead of me serving my master!

I've made my mistakes but was my main mistake following Zabuza? No! That was never a mistake! If it hadn't been for him I'd be dead long before now. Perhaps it was my destiny to die. When I was on the streets in the freezing cold I had got nowhere to run. I was going to die, either of cold or starvation. If my life was day, my birth was dawn; my death was dusk then the night goes on as I'm fading away. It sounds morbid doesn't it? That's what life on this planet is, I'm sick of this life.

The human mind is so complex to have so much misery running through it yet still focuses as normal. I just wanna scream at everything and everyone at this planet! They are so foolish! I begin to feel my soul detach from my body as another grips my hand. I recognise the cold yet warm grip! Zabuza! How could this happen to me? Perhaps he does see me as someone of worth! Now I have him I will never let him go! I will carry him to wherever I go and we will spend forever safe and happy together!

..:END STORY:..

My first Naruto fic. I loved Haku and he was taken away so quickly and mercilessly! Takes a poll on who hates Kakashi and comes out top! The song was How could this happen to me by Simple Plan. The words are clearly in bold and I really recommend you have it on repeat while you read this, then just generally have it on repeat…I love the song so so much!!

Oh in case you have me on author alert and thought I was dead, here's proof I am very much alive!

And thank you to my LOVELY, TOP, A beta Lilobaby, Lilo, the amazing ANIMEQUEEN48! Really, I love this girl! She's my one true love! MARRY ME MY DARLING EVENTHOUGHYOU'RETECHNICALLYMYOWNBABYDAUGHTERASWELLASMHABABYSOWE'DBECOMMITTINGINCEST! sharp inhale of breath