I don't own Transformers.
This is not meant to be read as a stand alone. It's an alternate side story of my pet project Outliving Extinction, which is a sequel to yet another story, First Impressions. If you don't feel like reading 250k words or so to get caught up, I'd say don't bother with this one. It's really intended for the people who've been enjoying OE, so let me know what you think folks.
The title is from the song The Last Thing On Your Mind by Lights, which really matches how I see Brav and Raj's relationship forming in this alternate reality business.
The first part, where it's still underwater, is a lot of cut and paste from chapter 29 of OE. I've edited or adjusted a few things, but the Megatron scene goes down very differently, plus Mirage's arrival is a little different. This is a story about how one thing going wrong can change everything, though whether or not it's for the better is up in the air.
Begins just after Megatron reprimands Skywarp for shoddy information and the Seeker heads out to warn Bravura to quit lying.
Skywarp stalked down the halls of the underwater base with every intention of going to Bravura's room to warn her about Megatron, but as he lifted his hand to touch the door pad he became aware of cold optics settling on him. He looked up to find Soundwave standing down the hall.
Skywarp stared hard at Megatron's lackey, then slowly let his hand drop and walked away. He'd try again later.
When Megatron came back I was sitting cross-legged on the berth, Artemis recharging in my lap. The Decepticon leader bent down and picked up the partially emptied cube I'd left by the door, studying it with apparent approval. He carried it with him when he came to sit on the berth.
"It's a start," he said, twisting the cube around and letting the energon swish almost to the edge each time. He finally looked up at me, looking as calm and casual as ever. "You say you're a neutral," Megatron said slowly. "And that your offspring's father was a neutral."
"Yes."
"Why did the Autobots allow you, a solitary neutral femme, to risk your life when the odds are immeasurably against you?"
"They didn't know. I made the decision to follow Starscream without thinking. By the time I got in the air the Seekers were on me and I couldn't exactly take it back."
"What experience do you have as a fighter?" His questions were making my wiring prickle, but I couldn't figure out why.
"Limited. As a friend of mine says, I'm better than your average neutral because I'm fast, but I can't hold up against a dedicated fighter."
"How did you survive the extermination?"
I paused, looking down at Artemis and trying to pass of my uncertainty as discomfort with the topic. "It was difficult."
"Do share your experiences with me."
"I laid low," I said quietly.
"That wouldn't be enough," Megatron said with some amusement in his tone. "Try again."
Looking up, I could see some of the cruelty was returning to his smile. "I don't know what you mean."
He lifted the cube somewhat, turning it still, then raised it to his lips and drained it. When he lowered it he gave it an appraising stare before enclosing it in his large hands and shattering the cube with absolutely no warning. The material shattered and the few drops of remaining energon dripped from his hand.
"Do you consider yourself lucky to be alive, Bravura?"
"Yes," I stammered, turning my body away from him slightly even as my spark thrummed furiously to Artemis.
"Fascinating," Megatron said, opening his hand and letting the broken pieces fall to the floor. "What a silly thing to lie about."
"What?"
Being in a position of leadership for so long, I've become adept at certain skills. How much do you know about Starscream, the Aerial Commander?"
"H-he's your second, but he wants to replace you" I said quietly. "He's the fastest in the command trine. He's… a snob."
"Amazing how accurate common knowledge can be," Megatron purred. "Starscream often lies to me, to try to bring about his own ends or to try to end me. I quickly became familiar with the qualities of a liar in action, my dear femme." When I didn't answer he continued. "Since we both know the truth, there's no point in playing this little game any longer. This is not your sparkling."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I protested quietly, still not daring to look up at the mech who was steadily growing more and more intimidating.
With deceptively liquid movements, like a landslide, Megatron twisted on his hip and closed his long claws around my neck, squeezing just enough to show he meant business, but so gentle that I wasn't jarred against the wall. Artemis recharged, undisturbed
"I have little patience for fools," he growled. "I want the truth out of you, and if you won't give it to me willingly I will extract it from you using this sparkling's screams. Tell me the truth."
How could he know? Could he really read me that well? Was my lying that bad?
"Don't hurt her," I pleaded. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just not her."
"Why did you tell my Seeker it was yours?"
"Because I didn't want her to be alone. I almost died to save her once, I couldn't stand just letting them take her."
"Why did the Autobots send you?"
My face screwed up incredulously. "What? No, they didn't want me to come. Optimus wanted me to hide, but by then the Seekers were following me. He told me to surrender."
Megatron loosened his grip but didn't release me. "Prime told you to surrender?"
"I guess he was betting that you wouldn't have plans to kill me right away."
"That remains to be seen," Megatron said with that animal smile. "You're telling me the only reason you came here was to keep the sparkling company?"
"And to save Sam if I could."
"You can't save the human. Resign yourself to the fact. Those were your only reasons for coming here?"
"Yes."
His grip tightened again. "I think not."
What did he mean? How could there possibly be anything else? Why else would I chase Starscream to the Gulf? Except… to see Skywarp. But that had certainly backfired, hadn't it? Somewhere in the last couple of years he decided he didn't want me.
Megatron watched my expression change to one of dejection. "Lying will only make it worse. Just tell me the truth, and I'll blame the Autobots for sending a femme to do a mech's job in an act of cowardice."
"They didn't send me, I already told you," I whispered. "I came to… see someone."
"Who was it?" Megatron's face was just inches from mine, and the proximity of his powerful body was beyond terrifying. But I couldn't give away Skywarp. No matter that he'd forgotten he loved me. No matter. He saved me from Predaca, and I owed him that much. There was another mech it made sense for me to come here for, and that was
"Dirge," I breathed.
Megatron pulled back slightly, his mouth twisting. "Dirge."
"Yes. He… captured me. He did what… what you'd expect him to do. But he helped me, gave some advice that saved me later, and… my spark…"
"I've heard enough," Megatron said, releasing me. "You're here to visit your… rapist. I'm at a loss as to what could attract anyone to Dirge. I was so sure it would- but no matter." He stood up, stepping around the broken cube. "Lie to me again, and I'll take the sparkling. This is your only warning."
"Yes, Lord Megatron," I croaked hoarsely as he turned away and left. Even after he was gone I was having trouble containing my terror, but from underneath my own powerful emotion Hot Rod somehow forced his emotions, which I'd been ignoring, to my attention. He was all support, and with his help I managed to calm down.
"I love you, Hot Rod," I said softly. "Sorry I can't seem to keep myself out of hot water."
Only silence answered me, so I started one of Mirage's calming tutorials and listened to it, trying to distract myself from the double whammy of Skywarp's rejection and Megatron's threat.
Skywarp meant to try again, but this time on his way to her room Thundercracker called him on their trine link.
Time to go, Warp. Megatron wants us to get the energon cells up to the moon before sundown.
Five minutes, TC.
Why? What are you doing?
Nothing.
Stay out of that room, Warp. It's a bad idea.
I've got to-
If you go in that room I'll sell you out to Megatron myself! Starscream burst in. Don't give us all away, you idiot!
You don't understand! You've never understood!
You don't seem to comprehend just what will happen if Megatron discovers we left for over a year to rescue the abomination! Starscream was getting really worked up now.
Please…
Come above with us, Warp, TC said gently. She'll be ok.
He felt himself sagging, so he pulled himself together and slammed his fist into the wall. He had to tell her somehow, had to explain, but everything seemed to be working against him.
I was making a game out of Mirage's silencing lesson, getting Artemis to focus on her signature for a few seconds between other little tricks we took turns doing when the door opened. I trailed off, looking up, but there wasn't anybot there. I started to stand up, but then the door slid shut.
"Stupid," I grumbled. "Should have run…"
"We'll get to that," a familiar voice said from just a few feet away.
"Mirage?" I gasped, leaping upright. "What are you…" I reached blindly for him and he took my hands. Before I could stop myself I pressed against him, offlining my optics to reduce the strangeness of hugging solid air.
He hugged me back, and could fell his lips against my helm.
There isn't much time. Hound is getting Sam. We decided I'd better get you, since you don't know Hound and Sam knows him better than me.
Good thinking. What now?
He slowly extricated himself from my hold then pressed something the size of a grapefruit into my hand. It flickered into view as soon as he let go of it.
This is a damn good hologram projector, so don't go giving this one away. There's a hologram of one of the Stunticons already loaded into it, just install it and turn it on. I'll take Artemis and I'll lead you up. If anybody stops you, let me take care of it.
Nodding understanding I installed the projector with shaking hands, waiting for the programming to load. Turning back to Artemis, who was sitting on the berth looking confused, I knelt and took her small hands in mine.
"Look, honey, Uncle Mirage is here. He's invisible, but he's going to protect us. Remember what I said about being brave like the Primes?" She nodded. "We have to be extra brave now. Uncle Mirage is going to carry you, and I'm going to look like a bad mech. It'll only be pretend, I'll still be me underneath. Promise not to get scared?" I felt Mirage's hand on my shoulder, and he sent me a quick Hurry, there's not much time. Another nod from Artemis. "Good girl. I'm gonna give you to Uncle Mirage now. You get to be invisible like him, but you have to be extra extra quiet. You're good at that, so I'll know you'll do great. Are you ready? Ok…"
Artemis didn't protest when I held her up to the open air where I believed Mirage to be, nor did she make a sound of protest when she hung there in seemingly empty air before she disappeared in his arms. Satisfied, I let myself heave a sigh of relief. She'd be safe with Mirage.
"Now you. We have to move, Vura." He was starting to sound nervous.
The hologram buzzed to life, the sensation somewhat different from the two lower quality projectors I'd used before. A quick glance told me that I'd been turned gunmetal gray, with a few dashes of lavender.
"Lovely," I said dryly. "Right. Get us out of here, Raj."
His hand closed on my arm. Not my arm, I realized quickly, but the hologram's. This hologram was solid. Mirage must have either given me one of his work hologram or he'd been working on this for a while.
We hadn't gotten far out the door when he said, Try to walk like you weigh more, he sent. Like you're lugging a few hundred pounds of weapons systems.
They're that heavy?
They can be. That's better. Left here.
How's Artemis?
She's being very still, hanging onto me for dear life. I do believe I'll have dents.
Good. I'll personally pop those out if we make it out of here.
I'm not going to forget you said that. Right and then left at the very next turn. Think heavy. Don't look around so much, you live here.
Much further?
We'll be at the elevator in three minutes tops.
We passed a couple of mechs, but I stared furiously ahead of me to avoid looking at them. They sniggered as we passed.
Why are they laughing? I asked Mirage nervously.
You're wearing a hologram of Breakdown. He's kind of… sensitive, I guess. You're playing him well.
Oh, good. Any chance this guy is wandering around down here? Two Breakdowns could get fishy pretty quick.
He should be on the continent. A lot of the groundbound troops don't like to waste the time getting lugged out here unless they need energon.
How do you know so much, Mirage? Come to think, how do you know your way around here so well?
I'm the intel, Vura. Hound and I made sure to get comfortable with the place. How do you think I knew where to find you?
He guided my around another corner. A couple of mechs were hanging outside a familiar looking doorway.
"Hey Breakdown, lookin' good."
I glanced at the mech who spoke and looked down quickly, quickening my pace.
"Come on, you don't mind me getting an optic full, do ya? Where ya goin', Breakdown?"
Don't answer. Your voice isn't covered.
I rushed way down the hall as quickly as I could without running, leaving the two mechs laughing uproariously.
How is it going with Sam?
Don't know. It's too risky to use comms down here with Soundwave lurking around. He could detect something, even if he can't decode it.
We walked down another hall. If it weren't for the comforting pressure on my arm, I would never know Mirage was walking next to me. His steps and movements were utterly silent.
Megatron talked to me a lot, I said without knowing why.
What did he say?
Giving that a moment's thought, I shook my head slightly. Nothing I want to repeat. I hate him.
Good. Oh, no.
What is it? He jerked me back several steps, away from the hall I'd nearly crossed, but not before I caught a glimpse of bird legs and broad shoulders. My spark cringed at the sight, if it was Skywarp… Who was that? I asked, almost afraid to know.
Arguably the one mech in the place who might know you're not Breakdown, Mirage said gravely. We have to backtrack.
We turned around and kept moving, but a glance over my shoulder gave me a little flare of alarm. It was Dirge, and he was following slowly. Focusing in, I could see his expression was curious and determined.
Mirage, I sent worriedly. He's behind us.
A couple of seconds passed, then he cursed. Ok, keep moving. I don't think he's getting anything from me, but chances are he's picking up Artemis. You, too?
Yeah, I admitted unashamedly. I was scared. Oh. Slag, he doesn't just know there are two of us!
I don't follow, Mirage said, tugging me around a corner.
Femmes smell different to him. Or taste, or something. Different bots have different feels, Mirage.
And he knows how you… feel. The last word was tinged with so much bitter hatred that I actually felt more grateful towards the Elite, if at all possible.
He sees Breakdown, but he feels Artemis and me. He knows, Mirage!
Right. Ok… if he stops us, I'll give you Artemis and take care of it. A file came in through his touch, a simple bare bones blue print of the base. Hound will meet you at the elevator. Do your best not to let anybot see her.
Don't leave us, Raj, I sent, panicking. I need your help.
"I knew it," I heard Dirge growl from down the hall.
I looked back when his footsteps started hitting the floor a little faster. He was coming, but he didn't look angry.
Don't do anything unless you have to, I sent to Mirage. He might not-
"Megatron called me to his throne room," Dirge said when he got close. His optics raked up and down me, looking for a flaw. "You wouldn't believe what he told me. Or maybe you would."
I kept walking and shrugged. Mirage's grip on my arm was almost painfully tight.
"He told me that yo- our guest admitted to being here for me. Apparently she's so obsessed me, she simply couldn't resist."
What is he talking about?
I kind of told Megatron I came here because I wanted to see Dirge. I didn't want to risk Skywarp.
You mean to tell me you came here to see Skywarp? Disgusting, Vura.
I didn't ask for your opinion, Raj. It was bad enough that it backfired, I didn't need him to chastise me over it too.
Maybe you should!
"No comment?" Dirge purred. A thrum of false fear raced up my spine. "I found it to be more than a little intriguing."
I was yanked to a hard stop when Dirge grabbed my arm, luckily not the side Mirage was on. I was almost pulled between them, but Mirage corrected and eased up.
"I know who you are," he whispered, bending low to my audial. "I'm impressed. I don't know how you pulled it off, or how you're hiding the sparkling… But truly, I'm flattered that you have such a strong attraction for me, thought I'd advise against coming here again." With that he straightened up and stalked up.
I stood there shaking until Mirage gave a gentle tug. We have to go.
R-right.
We finally passed down the hall with the familiar elevator exit. I'd never gone up that elevator before. Mirage pulled me to a stop, so I leaned against the wall trying to look casual.
We're going to wait for Hound and Sam. When we get to the surface Hound will signal Breakaway and Blaster, who will drop from orbit and land. We'll load Artemis with Blaster, since she can handle the FTL if he has to use it, and Breakaway will have Sam. If they're attacked Blaster can get Artemis to safety and come back to help Breakaway.
What about us? How do we get home?
You trust me, right?
Of course I trust you.
Good. I know you had that episode with being underwater a few years ago, but you'll have to try to get over it on the fly. An Autobot is waiting a few miles out to convey us to shore, but until then we're going to have to go underwater.
I spent a few years in space without air, water shouldn't be a big deal…
Well, Hound and I have propellant equipment. You don't. If I drop you, you'll sink to the bottom and you won't be able to get up. It was true. My engines couldn't function for more than a short burst underwater. After that they cut out. But I won't drop you. Even if I did for some reason have to let go of you I wouldn't leave you down there.
I took a deep intake. Good thing you need me to pop those dents out.
I don't trust anybody else with the job.
I could sense Mirage's nearness to me because of the way the air moved, but if I hadn't known he was there already I might not have paid attention to it. He was very close, still holding onto my arm loosely. It was comforting, but I knew we weren't safe yet.
Will Hound be invisible too?
No. He's going to be a Decepticon called Rollbar. They're a similar alt mode, same size. He's going to be carrying a piece of equipment, Sam under a hologram.
Think we'll get them up ok?
They'll be fine. We're in more danger than they are.
It was about this time a deep and groaning alarm moaned to life. I slid against the invisible Mirage and his hand tightened. A few more seconds.
Who do you think they found missing?
Doesn't really matter. They'll be checking the other. Mirage tugged me to the elevator door, the pad to get into it lighting up under his invisible touch. I hate saying this, but we might have to go up without them.
We can't leave them, Mirage.
It's better to save at least some. Hound and I already agreed on this.
I will not go without Sam. If only to prove the only reason I was down here was for Skywarp.
Bravura, we don't have a choice! He pulled me towards the waiting elevator door as it slid open, but a crackling sensation shuddered up my back and neck as the Allspark energy in my lines threw itself against his pull. I stayed put. He pulled harder, but in a quick whipping motion I twisted his grip off. "Take Artemis up. I have to find Sam. I don't have a choice."
"This is madness. I am not going to let you be their prisoner!"
"The Allspark won't let me leave without Sam," I told Mirage calmly. The energy was very much demanding that I ensure Sam's safety. Even if I didn't do anything, I had to be sure he was rescued. "I owe it for healing me. Just go up, Raj."
I heard a grinding noise, then his hand fell on my shoulder.
I'm staying with you.
Artemis is more important.
To whom exactly? He asked. Do you have no idea how important you are to me?
That stopped me. I looked up where I thought Mirage's optics would be. I don't… I'm not more important than Artemis, Mirage, I told him gently. I'm not very important at all. Not enough to keep Skywarp.
How important you are to me happens to be up to me, and I could not bear it if you had to go through what Dirge did to you again. Bravura, come up with me, he pleaded.
My attention broke away when someone screamed, "GET IN!" from behind me. Snapping around to look, a green mech was charging up with a chunk of wiry metal in his arms. Mirage took the moment to loop an arm around my thickened mech waist and heft my up on his hip before slinging me into the elevator. He used his own bulk to force me further into the elevator just before Hound burst in behind us. An electric crackle signaled the shutdown of his hologram, and just a moment after that Mirage became visible. I followed suit with my own hologram.
Mirage handed me Artemis, who was frozen stiff with fear. As the door shut I saw several Decepticons headed for the elevators, at least one with a raised weapon, but the door slid shut and it began to lurch upwards.
It didn't get far. The lift shuddered to a halt, resulting in a grim glance between the two Autobots.
"They stopped the lift. They'll have it going back down soon. We have to blow our way out," Hound said with gusto.
"The human," Mirage reminded Hound.
"Yeah…Could he last that long?"
"No," I interrupted. "He'd die this deep, especially in as bad as shape as he looks now… But I have an idea."
In a few moments I gave Artemis back to Mirage and the mechs moved aside, giving me space as I transformed into the Tweet. I lifted my canopy so that Hound could lower Sam and then Artemis into my cockpit just as the lift began to move down again. He forcefully pushed down my canopy.
"Ow," I protested faintly. It hurt.
"Sorry," he said apologetically. "Ready?"
"Ready," Mirage and I said together.
Hound's arms transformed into weapons, while Mirage slung his rifle down to point at the same wall as Hound. The sound in the small space would have been deafening to a human, but luckily Sam was shielded in my cockpit. The inrush of water was more of a concern to me. The elevator shuddered and stopped, but the mechs were already at the hole, peeling the metal away while fighting the blast of frozen water. The waiting ocean was absolutely dark.
Be waiting, we're coming up from the water! We've been compromised. Hound sent on the Autobot frequency.
We're ready, Blaster sent back.
Once the hole was big enough the two mechs picked me up and carried me to the opening. The flow had eased up, since the room was already more than half full with icy seawater. Hound eased out first, the thunderous growl of his propellant system breaking into the quiet open water. Mirage's followed in moments and I was hanging as dead weight in the water between them as we rushed to the surface at a ridiculous speed. I did my best to spare Sam the rapidly changing pressure, but I didn't know what exactly would help him. Hopefully the Allspark would watch over him.
The water lightened rapidly, and in what seemed like just a minute or so we breached the surface. Almost before we splashed back down the roar of two engines, one familiar and one definitely not from an Earth ship, came in loud and fast.
Mirage and Hound maneuvered to keep me level as Breakaway splashed down before me, Blaster behind. While Hound held me up Mirage pulled himself up my wing and I lifted my canopy, allowing him to pluck out Artemis and Sam. I transformed as soon as the two were clear, relying on Hound to keep me above water and taking Artemis. Mirage went to put Sam in Breakaway as Hound pulled me to Blaster, and in a matter of seconds both of them were secured in the flyers. Just in time.
Two mechs burst up out of the water, one just feet from Blaster, who rocked hard in the water. In response the two mechs burned their engines. Blaster rose immediately, Breakaway following a little more slowly. I couldn't see how Breakaway was pushing himself straight up, but it was something I'd seen Skywarp do before, once when I was human and a couple of times in the desert. More tech I didn't have. There was an audial shattering peal, and then Blaster was gone from sight.
Hound started to sink, but my Allspark drive hadn't left me yet. The two mechs who'd broken water, Thrust and Dirge, were coming in. Breakaway was going to be alone and unable to maneuver. Using Hound's body for leverage I threw myself from the water and poured the livewire energy of the Allspark into my liftoff, clearing water from my vents and transforming before the green mech could pull me back down, which he tried. I think I may have burned him a little. My presence seemed to throw the Seekers, but only for a moment. Dirge broke away from his brother to target me while Thrust continued for Breakaway.
Dirge hit me without holding back. I transformed just before he slammed into me, and when we hit the water it felt like slamming into concrete. I think he was trying to sink me, but I hung onto him for dear life, using the confusion of the swirling water to get on his back. His arms were easily long enough to grab me, but as his claws closed on me I crisscrossed my knives against his neck. He'd have to cut through his own wiring to dislodge me.
Let me back in the air, I ordered icily.
You're safer down here, he said in a velvet huff. Just drop.
I can't. Get out of the water.
Let go.
My blades sawed gently against his wiring. I cannot let go. Get in the air or I'll cut your lines. I won't be sorry.
You're asking to get killed, Dirge snapped, but then he started rising to the surface. We broke out of the water and I let go of his neck. He flung me away, towards the water, but using the Allspark's tremendous power I just managed to stay clear. Breakaway was struggling with Thrust high overhead, but even as I watched Blaster reappeared with a painful peal. He shot some kind of laser at Thrust and the Decepticon peeled away, though he didn't give up. Very quickly the mechs flew away at speeds I could never hope to match. Dirge didn't follow, stalking me.
Get down here, you idiot! Hound sent furiously. They'll be fine!
He seemed to be correct, and at this point there wasn't anything I could do. Even as transformed and let myself fall into the water I felt the sustaining energy of the Allspark fading from my system. I felt strangely empty.
Mirage caught me as I sank and held me lengthways against him, streamlining our two forms as much as possible before beginning our escape underwater. Dirge didn't come after us, nor did any other Decepticon.
Climbing up onto the waiting ship, I couldn't help but feel weighed down by the water in my vents, making me painfully tired. My energy level had dropped explosively in just those few minutes of seemingly pointless activity in the air, so when Mirage and Hound climbed up behind I just stood there dumbly. Hound moved to the stern, his arms combining into what looked like a nasty missile launcher, while Mirage pulled me to the bow. He held his rifle ready to use. I sank to the deck of the ship at his feet, relief overwhelming me.
"Are you ok?" Mirage asked quietly, his optics on the skyline.
No. No, no, no. "Yeah," I muttered with equal softness.
I felt his optics on me, but I didn't look up. After a moment he looked back up. "Want to talk about it?"
"No," I said in such a hushed whisper that I wasn't sure if he'd hear. "Um… thanks, Mirage. For everything."
"Anything, anytime, Bravura."
I leaned against his legs, letting myself have the small comfort of his solid frame against me.
"Wasn't an Autobot supposed to meet us? Where is he?"
"We're on him."
"Come again?"
"He's the ship. He's one of those super-sized mechs. You don't see them anymore, they were just too big as targets. He'd normally be a smaller interstellar cargo ship, but since we needed the help getting in close to the Decepticon base he volunteered."
"Can he hear us talking about him?"
"Of course."
"Can he talk to us?"
"Yes," a deep and unusually electronic voice said from the cabin of the metal ship.
"Oh. Thanks for this, um..."
"Depthcharge," the mech offered.
"Depthcharge. Thank you."
"It was my pleasure." By his tone I sensed he might prefer to remain silent. Mirage and I decided to follow his example, so while Hound stood watch at the back and Mirage had the front I sat lightly against the Elite's legs and tried to help him keep an optic out.
Getting to shore and saying goodbye to Hound and Depthcharge passed by as little more than a haze to me. Mirage had to gently shake me from my crippling thoughts about Skywarp before I would get up, and even then I hung onto his hand like a lifeline. If I held onto Mirage, I told myself, I wouldn't think about… him.
"Are you ready to go?" the Elite asked me after Hound had peeled out and Depthcharge had pulled from the dock.
"Yeah. You go fast and I'll go slow and we should get there around the same time," I said with a weak smile.
"Ok. Hey," he said. When I didn't look at him he caught my chin on the side of his finger, lifting my face. "When you're ready to talk about what happened, I'm here. Don't go spilling to Sunstreaker before me," he joked.
I don't know what it was about the situation, but all the sudden I just lost it. I smiled, chuckled politely, but then that little noise turned into a whimper and I couldn't look at Mirage anymore. He enveloped me in a hug immediately, making soft shushing noises while I cried helplessly against his chest.
Before I actually felt any better I pushed slightly against the blue mech's chest and he released me. An old human habit made me wipe at my dry optics self consciously and turn away from Mirage, though by now my face would show no signs of crying aside from an unhappy expression.
"Let's just go home," I managed to whisper.
"Whatever you want to do," Mirage assured me. "If you need to stop and take a break just-"
"I'm fine!" I snapped, but immediately regretted it and tried to turn it around. "I'm not broken anymore, Raj."
"You look perfect," my friend said comfortingly. "You don't stand the way you used to. It's like you're daring someone to try anything on you now."
"Is that so?" I asked weakly. "Maybe that why I get in so much trouble."
"I think you just do what you think is right without thinking about it," my old teacher pointed out. I almost flinched away when he took my hand, but not quite. "Are you sure you want to fly right now?"
"I want to go home," I dodged. No, I didn't feel like flying. It was a joyful activity, and it didn't match how I felt at all. But I did badly need Hot Rod, and I was willing to do a little cross country in order to see him again. "Let's just go, Raj."
He nodded and let me go. I turned away and walked ten or fifteen feet from him before jumping into the air and transforming. When I looked back he'd transformed and was heading off the dock.
Flying home, alone with my thoughts, was pure self-inflicted misery. I couldn't stop replaying his mocking laugh, the snarled order to stay away…He'd made it more than clear that whatever had been between had evaporated without my knowledge. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense and the more furious I became. Why save me from Predaca if he didn't care? Why bring me here just to laugh at me?
Because he is a Decepticon, my logic processor reminded me. You were warned.
I was warned. Mirage, Hot Rod, Ratchet, Optimus, nearly every Autobot I knew had mentioned how untrustworthy a Decepticon was, and I'd believed in my own blind and stubborn way that somehow I knew better than they did.
I'd been so wrong.
In a turn so sharp my wings ached I hung a left, towards the Chihuahuan Desert.
Fine, I muttered to myself. Fine! I'll show you that it doesn't make a difference! You can't hurt me, you big bastard! I don't need you!
Bravura, did you just go off course?
I didn't answer, just increased my speed.
Bravura. Where are you going?
I'll be home soon, I said coldly before switching off the comm. link.
The house in the valley looked shabby now. Where love had once made it seem warm and cozy, all I saw was a rusty shack and a few stacks of rocks. Standing in the middle of the level clearing, I looked at the darkening sky. I'd believed in him so completely. Even when I didn't understand, I'd found way to trust him again. Just as I was beginning to believe in him again…
Rocks sprayed down the valley when I viciously kicked one of the piles. We'd arranged them to try and make the place look more established, but they were nothing but ugly junk. I kicked again, eliminating the evidence of that pile and moving to the next. When they were all gone I turned my wrath on the shack.
He'd forced the metal into the rock, so it took me a few tries to wrench the sheets from the valley wall. By now it was essentially night, but I could still see. I bent one of the sheets in my hand with a frustrated snarl, then hurled the huge sheet as far as I could into the valley with a scream. The others followed, but chunking Skywarp-sized pieces of metal left me feeling empty and alone.
The raw and wounded wall where the shack once rested struck me, and with a sudden illogical burst of emotion I regretted tearing it down. I stumbled down the steep and rocky valley to the closest sheet, slipping and landing on my aft and hip several tips. I lifted the sheet and tried to straighten it again, but I couldn't get it to look like it had before. The line wouldn't go away.
With increasing panic I tried again and again to straighten the sheet, but it was old metal and it was starting to weaken under the stress. One end split open, and I realized I couldn't take it back. Sinking down into the rocky dirt, I pulled the sheet into my lap and sobbed hysterically, curling my fingers into the metal so hard that it popped under my grip like a tin can.
"I can't," I cried, bowing until my forehead pressed against the sheet. "I can't do it without you, Warp. I can't."
After an hour or so I rose up from the sheet, letting it fall back down with a rippling crash. I was still incredibly raw, but I'd reach a state of stunned calm. I didn't want to call it shock, because that implied that Skywarp had that kind of power over me. I wouldn't let him.
In that artificial peace I jumped into the air and started the trip for home.
It took me until almost dawn to get home. I had to stop twice in order to calm myself down, and each time was a long process of swallowing my sorrow and replacing it with hatred. The hole in the mesa still gaped wide open, so instead of going down to the long tunnel entrance I flew into that, transforming and hitting the ground with a satisfying thump, feet first.
I almost didn't see the three small weapons trained on me before I turned to the door down, but the glow of blue optics caught my attention.
Three small bots were training their weapons on me, and I knew instantly that this was the mysterious Arcee. She'd avoided me with incredible consistency ever since I'd arrived.
"It's just me," I said calmly. "Bravura."
"I know," all three of her responded.
I stared at her, but the weapons didn't lower. "Why are you pointing those at me, then?"
"Mirage reported you behaving erratically. You're to be escorted to the repair bay for examination."
I crossed my arms over my chest, shifting my stance slightly. "I'm fine, Arcee. I just want to go and see my brother."
"I can't let you do that. Wait here until Inferno arrives to escort you."
"This is stupid!" I exploded. "I'll go to the fragging bay myself!"
The weapons hummed. "Stay right there."
Activating my comms I sent a furious message to every Autobot in range. What the hell is going on? Why is Arcee treating me like the enemy?!
Red Alert responded. Because the security has been breached. You could have been exposed to any number of surveillance bugs or malicious programming.
But why is she pointing her guns at me?!
Maybe because of your current behavior.
I seethed. He'd basically told me I was overreacting. Turning my hate filled glared on Arcee, I pointed at the center bot. "I'm going down. Shoot me if you want, but I am not the fragging enemy."
I started towards the door, but stopped short when a small plasma shot whizzed just past my face and struck the far wall. Clenching my fists, I turned to head for the hole in the mesa. She shot the air just before me again.
"What the hell?" I screeched. "Leave me the fuck alone, Arcee!" I'd never been so angry in my life, and the ridiculousness of their suspicion on top of Skywarp was just too much.
"Calm down," she ordered.
"Tell me what to do again, you little glitch," I hissed. "I'll make you a hood ornament!"
"Hey, hey," a male voice cut in. I turned my narrowed optics on Inferno, who was standing at the door with his hands raised in peace.
"Just take me to the repair bay," I snapped, stomping to and past Inferno. He paused behind me, then his heavy footsteps started keeping up with my lighter ones. When we'd gotten near the bottom of the stairs I threw up my hands in disgust. "Why did she SHOOT at me?"
"You're not acting like yourself," Inferno responded quietly from behind.
"I was prisoner in the fragging Decepticon base, anybody'd be a little stressed out," I yelled, bursting into the main hallway. A couple of soldiers scattered, cursing. Inferno apologized for me and continued close behind, keeping up with my quick march.
"Ratchet will be able to determine if that's the case or not," Inferno said. He was trying hard not to sound biased.
I could only growl at that. I was on my last nerve, and the last thing I wanted was to have them turning their military protocol on me. Maybe I shouldn't have come back.
That thought was immediately withdrawn. Where else would I go? Where would I even want to go? DC, maybe, but I wasn't really close with any of those mechs.
Maybe that would be a good thing. It would be easy to start over and pretend like… like I wasn't totally heartbroken.
Ratchet did a full exam and scan on me, clucking at all the dirt I'd managed to accumulate in the valley but repeatedly expressing general amazement at the Allspark's work. He didn't find any reason to be alarmed. Inferno reported to Red Alert, who gave him the clear to let me roam the City again. I left Ratchet with a half-hearted attempt at a polite goodbye, heading straight for Hot Rod's quarters. I felt like a violin string that might break if someone played me wrong.
He wasn't there when I opened the door, so I cursed loudly and let it shut again. He was working. I'd been ignoring him with surprising success, but as I allowed myself to feel him I confirmed that, yes, he was up, and yes, he was in the state of mind that his responsibilities as a Prime usually put him in: serious, frustrated with barely maintained patience.
I leaned against the now closed door, jamming the heel of my palm between my optics. I needed to do something, anything, to keep myself from thinking. Anything. The training room was a good option, so I went. To my relief Sideswipe and Sunny were already there getting some early morning exercise, wrestling with intense focus. I went to the edge of the training zone and watched, arms crossed over my chest.
They were fairly evenly matched. They were both fast, with the same fluid movement afforded by their wheeled feet. Sideswipe seemed a bit cleverer about his moves, but Sunstreaker had a directness that seemed to be perfectly able to keep up with his red twin. One occasionally pinned the other, but each time the brother who was losing found a way to twist away or break a grip and turn the tables. Just watching their casual practice left me dripping with envy.
Sideswipe finally caught sight of me, his optics meeting mine just as Sunstreaker rolled out from under him.
"Hey, look at- ow, hold on, I'm talking!" Sunstreaker had begun a return attack on his brother, but stopped twisting his brother's arms and followed his gaze to me.
"Oh. Heard you freaking out."
"I didn't freak out. Much," I grumbled.
"It's ok," Sideswipe said, standing up. "You had a lot going on, I guess?"
"Not really," I shrugged. "Megatron threatening me, Starscream telling me all about what they were going to do to me, and… other stuff."
Something in my tone on that last bit gave me away, and the brothers exchanged looks. "You know her better," I heard Sideswipe whisper to Sunstreaker.
"I'm not the camp counselor," Sunstreaker grumbled back.
"I can hear you," I sighed. "Don't worry, I don't have anything to cry about," Not anymore. I refused to cry over him ever again.
"Good," Sunstreaker said with approval. "Why are you down here?"
"In case you didn't notice, I'm back to being my normal self again. I wanted to get a feel for it."
Sideswipe grinned. "Wanna play with us?"
The way he said it, with a dirty little twist, left me matching his grin despite myself. "Yeah, I'll play. Just don't send me back to Ratchet."
"I'll be gentle," he purred. Sunstreaker shrugged and went to sit on the bench at the sidelines, so I moved into the arena.
"Neutral Bravura," the androgynous computer intoned, "You do not have authorization to use this training program. You may remain in the training zone, but be aware that other mechs may not train while you are within the boundary lines."
"I didn't ask!" I grumbled.
Sideswipe chuckled. "They treat you like you're made of glass, huh. I'm surprised you waited until now to blow up at somebody."
"It was easy to be ok with it," I said dismissively. I'd talk to Prowl about fixing it later.
"Whatever. You can have the first move."
Shaking my head, I declined. My strengths were still in the defensive, no matter how much practice I'd had on Decepticon chaff.
"Ok, but you asked for it," Sideswipe said with easy confidence. One moment he was perfectly casual, the next I found myself swinging upside down. He'd kicked my feet out from under me and shoved me in the chest, caught me, and was now dangling me up by the knee with seemingly no effort.
"You should see your face," Sideswipe said with a grin. "I thought you were supposed to be fast? Devcon wouldn't shut up about you."
"It's been a while," I said, embarrassed. Sideswipe started to lower me, so I reached to the floor for support. As soon as my palms were pressed to the ground and just as he released my knee I jammed my free foot under the plating of his side, getting just enough leverage with the tip of my toe to jerk him backwards while I delivered a light, sharp jab with the tips of my fingers to the sensitive wiring of his knee.
It gave out and he tipped backwards, my weight pulling him down. Unfortunately he regained his grip on me and though I tried to escape, he landed on top of me.
"You're heavier than you look," I yelped.
"Fancy, but not very functional," Sideswipe said, getting up somewhat but keeping me pinned. In a moment he was straddling me on all fours, grinning down at me. "Hmm, that pissed off look doesn't suit you. Here, let me-"
Sideswipe started to lean down, but when his face was just inches from mine a flash of yellow wrenched him away.
"Knock it off," Sunstreaker growled, heaving his brother onto the ground next to me.
"Come on," Sideswipe protested. "Just because you won't make a move doesn't mean I can't!"
"Go frag her brother," Sunny snapped, offering me a hand. I took it, bewildered. What just happened?
"He won't have anything to do with me! Because of her!"
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. "I didn't-"
"He doesn't want to set you off by interfacing. I keep telling him you and Sunny would be fine but he won't listen."
"So you don't care if it leaves us both out to dry?"
"It doesn't have to!" he exclaimed, standing. "I interface with Hot Rod, you get Sunny. What's wrong with that scenario?"
"This is ridiculous," Sunstreaker sighed.
"No, it isn't," Sideswipe corrected. "You're so busy chasing after Arcee, who wants absolutely nothing to do with you even off a berth, when you've got a perfectly good looking normal femme right here! Plus, she doesn't hate you!"
"We're not like that," I protested weakly.
"But you could be," Sideswipe reasoned. "Come on, it doesn't have to be anything serious."
"You want me to sleep with your brother so you have an excuse to sleep with mine," I said in amazement. "That's just… no."
"How did we get from sparring to sexual coercion?" Sunstreaker asked, looking at the ceiling.
"You two don't even seem to realize how alike you are," Sideswipe said pleasantly.
I frowned. I didn't want to replace one stressful situation with another, I wanted to be somewhere else completely.
"I'm getting out of here," I said quickly. "See you, Sunny."
"You're such a prick sometimes, Sides," I heard Sunstreaker complain before the training room door slid shut behind me.
"But I'm so charming about-"
I headed down the hall, fists clenched. The one day I really didn't need it, Sideswipe came out with something freaky like that…
"Bravura?"
Mirage stood there, and he hadn't recharged yet judging by the sag in his shoulder.
"Hey," I said stiffly.
"You're still upset. Look, it wasn't anything personal."
"She shot at me, Mirage!" I burst out. "Twice! She avoids me for a month and then when she finally does have to look at me she points all three guns at me!"
"Did she actually hit you?"
"No, but-"
"Arcee doesn't miss. If she was really trying to shoot you she would've."
"Ok, whatever, she used blobs of plasma to intimidate me! Is that better?"
"No," he said calmly. "Why are you so upset, Bravura? You're home, you're safe."
The anguish threatened to bubble up under his sympathetic gaze, but I smothered it in another wave of anger. Instead of answering I turned away from Mirage and went back the way I'd come with absolutely no clue where I was going.
"Stop, Bravura."
"No," I answered.
He trotted up behind me and put a hand of my shoulder, thought he didn't stop me. I shrugged him off, but he just put his hand back.
"You never act like this," he said. "Something happened, and I can tell you that it won't get any better until you tell somebody!"
I whirled on him, flinging off his hand and backing him against the wall. "Telling someone won't make a difference!" I hissed up at him. "It's done. It's over. Stop smothering me, Mirage! I don't need you to play daddy for me!"
"I'm not trying to be your father," he said with the most irritating hint of a smile.
"Whatever, Mirage. I don't care what it is you're trying to be, but you're too much right now! Just back off and let me breathe for a minute!"
"You're the one pushing me against the wall, Vura," he said gently.
Jerking away from him as if burned, I stared up at the best friend I had in the City. On the planet. He still wasn't mad at me, in fact he looked worried more than anything.
"Stop looking at me like that," I whispered, looking down. "Stop."
"Why?" He asked. "Why don't you want me to care about you when you're hurting?"
Because he didn't care. If Skywarp didn't care… there was a sick part of me that would only settle for him. If Skywarp didn't care, I didn't want anyone to.
"What happened?" Mirage asked again.
I crossed my arms over my chest, looking down and sideways, anywhere but him. "I just finally saw the truth. I had a reality check. That's all. I'll be fine."
"If I touch you are you going to stab me?" Mirage asked seriously.
Slowly shaking my head, I let my hands fall limply to my sides. I couldn't be angry with him, not when he insisted on being so nice to me.
His fingers came up and brushed along my cheek, cupping the side of my face and gently guiding my gaze up to him.
"I know you said you trust me, but now that we're safe and you're allowed to say no if you want to… do you trust me?"
"Why wouldn't I, Raj?" I asked. "You've always been my friend."
"That's always been the word you choose," he said with the faintest bitterness. "Friend."
"Don't start," I mumbled, turning my head as if to hide my face in his hand. "Please don't."
"I've been good," he said. "I've respected your choice, I have. No matter how I feel about it. But I think I know what happened down there, and I will never do that to you."
"Do what?" I sighed. "What is it you think happened?"
"He messed up. I don't know how, but he let you down."
"Shut up," I choked, reaching up and gently pushing his hand away from me.
"I'm right," he said with certainty. "He has never been there for you. He let Starscream practically kill you. If Rodimus hadn't stepped in you would've died. He left you without explaining anything, and you've made it pretty clear that he did it to you again at some point out there."
"He saved me from the Predacons!" I added angrily.
"He hasn't tried to contact you since! And apparently he did something wrong again. He's not good for you, Vura. He's not right for you. You're so much better than him."
"SHUT UP!" I screamed.
"He doesn't deserve your loyalty."
"And you do?" I snapped incredulously, mocking.
"At least I'm willing to earn it," he said with intensity. "Trust me."
"Why now?" I groaned, reaching up and clawing my fingers down either side of my helm.
"Why not? Let me get you through this."
"I don't need help," I growled, though with very little force.
"I know you don't," he murmured. "But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone."
"How exactly do you plan on helping me?" I asked, looking up at the Elite with what couldn't have been a pretty expression.
"I'm glad you asked." He smiled, a soft and gentle curl of his lips, and then he closed the gap between us, bending down and pressing his lips against mine.
Intaking sharply, I froze. His lips rubbed lightly against mine as he tilted his head, his optics on and watching me, then he pulled away, still bent so that his face was near mine.
Time seemed to stop, and we stood there, inches apart but not quite touching. I was in the process of being confused beyond repair, and he appeared to be perfectly serene.
"Let me be the one you trust," he whispered. "Let me take care of you."
His lips were against mine again, and this time my spark stirred. I was still beyond understanding how I felt about what he was doing, but there was something pleasant, safe about his hand as it slipped up and brushed my upper arm, the other just touching my waist.
It was too much. I backed out of his arms but he let me with no resistance. He straightened, his unreadable optics on me.
"If that didn't feel right, tell me now. I won't do it again."
"I don't know," I mumbled, still stunned by the effect such a chaste kiss had made on me.
"Would you let me kiss you again if I tried?"
"I, I don't-"
He moved in slowly this time, deliberately. My mouth was hanging open just a little, and this time when his lips came against mine I thought I felt the faintest brush of his glossa. His hands settled on my hips, pulling me against him. My hands lifted with what seemed to me like a mind of their own, one settling on his forearm and the other at the edge of his shoulder.
The part where I kissed him back, that was on purpose. It was just a little, a tiny tilt of my head and twitch of my lips, but it seemed to satisfy him. He pulled back, though he kept my body pressed to his.
"I won't let you down," he whispered.
Skywarp had promised something similar. He'd said he'd catch me when I fell.
Suppose Mirage made promises he never intended to keep? What would I do? What should I do?
Sagging with the weight of my indecision, I let my head fall forward until my face pressed against the crook of his neck with one weak shudder.
"You haven't recharged," he said against my helm.
"No. Neither have you."
"I'll walk you to your room."
Sighing deeply, I stepped away from the Elite who'd upended our relationship in a matter of minutes. "Ok. Thanks."
He walked next to me, not touching me. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, but it seemed that maybe his old habit of keeping his arm around me at all times had just been due to my infirmity, and now that I was better he might trust me to keep standing on my own.
Only, he'd replace his concern for my physical state for interest in my emotional one… and I really didn't feel strong enough to say no if he tried to pick up the pieces. Maybe Hot Rod would be able to help me figure out what the hell was going on.
The main story won't go in this direction at all. Not even close. Now that I've gotten a smidgeon of raj x brav outta my system I can focus on the pro-warp story :) Review!