He runs his thumb over the smooth, familiar surface. The slightly raised relief is gently worn and it glides between his fingers. He turns his attention to the edge - rounded, never ending. It had some kind of bittersweet irony - that's what he'd thought they were, forever. He knew, at least, he'd never stop loving her.
Sitting on his bed, he looked around the room. There was still an odour of smoke lingering but mingled into it was her sweet perfume. On the floor he saw one of her hair bands, half hidden beneath his desk. He thought of the hundreds of times he'd watched her fix her hair. Blinking his eyes shut he looked the other way.
With a sigh he tightened his fingers on the coin.
The wardrobe was now bare of her clothes. She'd taken her pictures from the walls and her comforter from the bed. All that was left was him and his - and it wasn't enough. The last boxes were waiting by the door to be taken to Cece's. She needed space, she'd said, they needed time apart, she'd insisted.
He tightened his fingers around the quarter, until the hard edge dug into his palm. It hurt. So he pressed harder.
He wanted to feel, he wanted to hurt, he wanted to remind himself that he wasn't numb, that this was real and she was gone and this whole past year was over - and it was his damn fault. 'Cos he couldn't be what she needed. He wasn't good enough. Never could be.
Small, hot trails of tears began to slide down his cheeks. It was the first time he'd let himself cry over this. The past few days were spent half pretending that maybe this was all some kind of dream...
With a sniff, he wiped his face with the back of his hand and pushed himself off the bed and to his feet. He looked at the coin in his palm - silver and winking in the light coming in the window. Bringing it to his lips, he quickly kissed it before slipping it back into his pocket. And that's where it would stay, he vowed.
Because love isn't as easy as saying yes and no and feelings aren't black and white. Somewhere in the grey in between his heart held a little hope.
When you love someone, it's simple she once said.
He really wished that was true.