Summary:Magnus leaves Alec behind trying to find a reason to go on. Magnus gives Alec a reason.
"You can't save everyone, my love." Magnus said softly.
"I didn't want to save everyone, I just wanted to save you." Alec whispered as he brushed Magnus' hair from his eyes.
"Alexander," Magnus coughed harshly and Alec wiped the blood that trickled out of the corner of his mouth away gently with his thumb, "I'm sorry I have to leave you."
"You can't, please, don't leave me." Alec sobbed, "I can't do this without you, Magnus."
Magnus drew in a deep, rattling breath and stifled the cough that threatened to erupt when he exhaled, "You'll have Jace and Isabelle. You'll be okay."
"Jace and Isabelle aren't you, they have Clary and Simon and I'll be alone again." Alec whispered, "I can't go back to that, Magnus, I'm not me without you, you give me the strength to be true to myself."
Magnus looked up at the Shadowhunter that cradled him in his arms and felt his own tears escape his eyes, he feared Alec was right, that the man he would leave behind when he died would be nothing but a shell of the man he loved.
Magnus felt his body be wracked with another cough and felt more blood fill his mouth but he could no longer feel the pain of his injury, it would not be long now before he left his beloved Alexander.
"I love you, Alexander, Aku cinta kamu." Magnus gasped as his heart stuttered to a stop and his yellow-green eyes dimmed as his vision faded to nothing, leaving Alec holding his empty shell.
Alec sat there holding Magnus as he sobbed, surrounded by the bodies of Circle members they had killed, the filth of the demons they had summoned and Magnus' blood, until Izzy and Jace arrived, Clary, Simon, Luke, and Raphael not far behind them.
"Alec?" Jace said softly as he touched his Parabatai's shoulder.
Alec looked at Jace slowly, he blinked and Jace wondered if Alec even saw him before Alec was returning his gaze to Magnus and brushing his hair gently from his wide unseeing eyes.
"Alec, come one buddy, let Magnus go." Jace tried to pull Alec away as Raphael started to lift Magnus into his arms.
Alec screamed, Jace had never heard his Parabatai make that noise, not even when the other had been dying or severly injured, it frightened Jace, made an icy feeling travel right down to his soul.
"NO! NO! MAGNUS, COME BACK, PLEASE!" Alec screamed as Jace wrapped his arms around Alec's shoulders while Alec struggled to hold onto Magnus' body, Luke coming to help by prying Alec's fingers open so Raphael could lift the Warlock's body.
"Alec, he's gone, he," Izzy paused to take a shaky breath to fortify herself as she came to stand infront of Alec and Jace, "Alec, Magnus is dead."
"NO!" Alec sobbed and just let himself fall to the ground, the weight of him dragging Jace with him as he held the taller man.
"Noo." Alec keened as he rocked himself back and forth within the circle of Jace's arms, "Magnus, come back, please."
Izzy put her arms around Alec and pressed his head into her shoulder, his tears soaking her shirt nearly instantly.
"I'm taking him to Catarina." Raphael said softly to Simon as Clary walked over to kneel next to Jace, placing her hand on his shoulder in comfort even as tears streamed down her face.
"I'll tell them when Alec comes out of it." Simon promised.
Raphael glanced back at the five figures surrounded by bodies, dust, and blood, one shrieking like his very sould was being torn from his body while the younger three tried to comfort him and the oldest stood guard.
"That boy isn't going to come out of anything, he's as dead as Magnus is, his body just hasn't caught up yet." Raphael said to Simon before running from the scene with Magnus' body in his arms.
Looking at the shrieking man Simon had to wonder if perhaps Raphael was correct.
It was hours before Alec lost his voice and another hour before Jace finally applied a sleeping rune to Alec's arm while Izzy held her brother's face into her neck and then Jace was lifting the man into his arms as the Clave's clean up crew arrived to take him back to the Institute's medical wing.
There was nothing wrong with him that an Iratze Rune couldn't fix and yet Alec slept long after the Rune faded away.
Maryse arrived within two days of Magnus' death and Alec had been staring blankly, body facing the wall as he curled his large body as small as he could in the medical issued cots. She tried to get some type of reaction from him but Alec didn't even acknowledge her presence, just kept blinking at the blank expansion of wall he was facing.
Even Catarina could not get a reaction from Alec not even when she told him when the funeral was.
Alec knew he was worrying his family but he couldn't bring himself to care, his body was numb and his heart was broken. Why? Why had Magnus left him? Alec wasn't ready to let Magnus go, didn't think he would ever be, hadn't thought he would have to be. Alec was alawys supposed to die first, he was never meant to live without Magnus, Alec had always known he didn't have the strength for living without Magnus.
His mother's voice was muffled as she spoke, like Alec was underwater and she was calling his name, she sounded concerened and Alec couldn't remember that last time she'd come to his bedside when he was hurt and he wondered why she was here now.
Jace and Izzy came every time they had a free moment but Alec couldn't find it in him to ease their worry, he was so tired of taking care of everyone else, he'd done it his entire life; from the moment Izzy had been born Alec had been taking care of her, since his mother had placed that small tiny thing in his too small arms he'd been protecting her, from the judgements of others, from his parents' too steep expectations, from herself when she went off on her own after being told not to, and then when Jace had been broght into their lives Alec had protected him from himself, agreed to be his Parabatai to make it easier on himself to keep Jace from self-destructing.
Then there was Magnus, Magnus who had kissed him sweetly and took him to Paris in order to dance with him in the light of the moon on their one month anniversary. Magnus who had dragged him from his office and into his bed at midnights when Alec had lost track of time and made sure he had eaten when he hadn't seen him in hours, sending food to his office with his magic. Magnus who was now gone.
Alec sat up slowly and got out of the cot he'd been in since Magnus' death. He walked to his room at the Institute where he took a shower and felt his hands shake as he used the wash that Magnus had bought himwhen he had seen the plain soap Alec had been buying.
Once finished showering Alec walked to his closet and pulled out his white mourning suit and after he dried himself off Alec began to get dressed, the last time he had worn this suit was at Jocelyn's funeral and now it was time for Magnus'.
Alec was about to leave the room when his eye caught on a flash of color, Alec walked over to it and found himself holding the tie in his hands, Magnus had never really been one for ties, unless Alec was the one wearing them, he'd said there was something sexy about using it to drag Alec down for a kiss and had bought him tie after tie and Alec had made a point of wearing one when he was being official and not out on missions. His favorites had always been a yellow one with little green cats on it that reminded him of Magnus' eyes and and blue one that matched the color of Magnus' magic, the one he held in his hands now.
There was hardly a thought in his mind before Alec's hands were putting the tie around his neck and tying it around his neck.
Alec didn't know if Warlock's had any mourning traditions or if they copied the Mundane tradition of wearing black but Alec couldn't look at his black wardrobe, the black silk button-down shirts that Magnus had replaced half of his cotton t-shirts with, or the black slacks that seemed to appear after his black jeans had been torn by demons and the innocent grin and shrug combonation Magnus had always given him when Alec had mentioned it.
Alec walked down the street towards the park where the wake would be taking place and found himself at the edges of the cordened off area where hundreds of people were gathered.
Alec had always known that Magnus knew a lot of people, had helped so many people, and loved so many more. There were young people and old people, some Alec recognized from photos and portraits in Magnus' loft, he'd never begrudged Magnus' reminder of his past, always interested in the stories Magnus had to tell, although Alec still didn't know why Magnus had been banned from Peru, and would never learn.
Alec found himself sitting heavily on a nearby bench and placed his face in his hands as he began to cry again, he'd made a point in the last few days to do so at night when the Institute was asleep or on missions and there was no one around to see but the crew that monitored the Insitute's camera feed.
Alec took a breath and looked toward the wake goers and watched them talk and comfort each other, there were Warlocks, Seelies, which surprised Alec a fair bit, Vampires, since the wake was taking place at night so that Raphael could attend, Werewolves, and a few scattered Shadowhunters; Izzy, Jace, Clary, Max, and shockingly his mother.
The warlocks in attendence were some he recognized only from the Clave's information and others he knew through Magnus, Catarina Loss, Ragnor Fell, Tessa Gray, and Madzie.
Alec sniffled as he sat alone on the bench watching.
"I don't know what to do now, Magnus." Alec whispered as he wrapped his arms around himself, "I wasn't supposed to be the one left behind."
'You live, Alec.' A quiet voice said from beside him.
"Magus?" Alec sobbed out as he turned to the ghostly figure next to him.
'Oh, my dear, Alexander, what have you been doing to yourself?' Magnus asked as he reached for Alec, his hands pasing through Alec's cheeks, making the Shadowhunter shiver from the cold touch, 'You haven't been eating or sleeping.'
"I can't sleep without you holding me, and food taste like ash." Alec told him quietly.
'I know, darling, but you can't stop living just because I'm not.' Magnus said, 'You should find love again.'
"Shadowhunters only truly love once, I told you that you were it for me, Magnus, that was not just a romantic gesture." Alec told him.
'Alexander.' Magnus murmured, 'Then find a cause to fight for, a reason to continue on.'
"What can I do that will fill the emptiness you've left in my heart?" Alec asked.
'Come with me.' Magnus whispered and led Alec away from the park.
They came to a small alley, it was dark and cold, and before long Alec could hear quiet whimpers from a baby and a young voice trying to quiet the baby.
"Magnus, what?" Alec asked and the murmurs within the alley silenced.
'They are Warlocks, their mother summoned a demon and thought she could find a way to use the children she bore for it, but found that the older wouldn't stand for it, I felt their magic the day before our battle but did not have time to handle it, they need you, Alexander.' Magnus' ghost explained, 'Do this for me if you can't do it for them.'
Alec glanced down the alley, "If I go in there, I won't see you again will I?"
'No, you won't, darling, not until it's time to join me.' Magnus agreed.
Alec took a fortifying breath, "Okay, for you."
Magnus looked a little saddened at those words.
"And for them." Alec whispered to himself, "For them too."
Magnus smiled, 'Aku cinta kamu, Alexander, I will always love you.'
"I love you too, Magnus." Alec forced a smile for Magnus, "I'll see you when it's my time, you'll take me home then?"
Magnus caressed Alec's cheek in the barest of touches, 'Of course, Alexander.'
Magnus faded away and left Alec to enter the alley alone.
"Hello?" Alec called, "My name is Alec, I'm not going to hurt you, in fact I'd like to help you, are you hungry?"
A small dirty face peaked out from behind the dumpster by the alley wall and Alec smiled at the young one, "you don't have to be afraid, I'm not gong to hurt you or your little sibling, we can get them some milk, and maybe a new diaper, how does that sound?"
The little Warlock stepped out from behind the dumpster, a bundle of dirty green cloth clutched in his arms.
"Your wings are beautiful, maybe one day you'll be able to fly." Alec offered his hand to the child with silver colored bat-like wings.
"You're not afraid?" The little boy asked.
"No, I've seen others like you, people with special abilities and marks to show how wonderful they are." Alec told him.
"There are others like us?" The child asked.
Alec nodded, "Yes."
"Are you like us?"
"No, but I loved some one like you." Alec admitted.
"Why'd did you stop?" The child asked, "Did they hurt you?"
"I haven't stopped, and I never will, they..." Alec paused, "They died."
The child bit his lip, "Will you help me take care of Anne?"
Alec nodded, "Yes, and you too."
"Okay. We'll come with you." The boy decided.
Alec offered his hand to him and smiled when the child took it, managing to juggle Anne in one arm.
"What is your name?"
"Arron."
"Arron, can I carry Anne? I promise I won't go anywhere with her without you."
The boy hesitated but finally handed his sister over.
"Now let's get some supplies to get us through today, hmm, and then osme dinner." Alec decided.
"Can we get tacos?" Arron asked.
"Sure."
Months later Alec signed the final paperwork for the large mansion, he hadn't told anyone why he was buying the large building knowing the Clave would refuse his resignation if they knew he was planning on openning an orphanage for young Warlocks.
After getting Arron and Anne fed and washed up a bit in a restraunt washroom Alec had gone to Catarina's place, Magnus having given Alec a key for emergencies, and getting the two to sleep.
When Catarina had returned from te wake with Ragnor, Raphael, and Tessa Alec had explained his seeing Magnus and his plan for the Baby Warlocks and he had asked Catarina, Tessa, and Ragnor to create a beacon that would guide young Warlocks who'd been kicked out or run away or women who wished to abandon their Warlock babies to the building.
Alec knew that Jace and Izzy were still worried about him, his mother too but Alec had finally found something that made him nearly as happy as Magnus had, helping and guiding young Warlocks into accepting and loving themselves and each other like Magnus had loved, accepted and helped him.
And maybe it made his heart hurt when Arron first called him Daddy but it also made him happy because he had wanted to be a Daddy with Magnus, and maybe Magnus wasn't there as he had wanted him to be but Alec liked to believe that in some ways Warlocks were all family and Magnus may not have sired Anne or Arron but he had given them to Alec and that would have to be enough.