Author: amaresu
Title: Joyful Remorse
Summary: Daisuke thinks about someone he feels he shouldn't.
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Without a miracle they never will be. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: This is a semi-sequel to People are People. No need to have read that one, but the brief mention I make of it might make more sense if you have. Much thanks to pulsar and Mars/Lyra for the beta'ing. Kudos, Sobe, and Goldfish for you.
Rating: PG
Archive: Yes, just please keep all headers intact.
Joyful remorse
The one-
I want
Shouldn't
Wrong
Can't have him
Forever gone
Never known
Always desired
He is of darkness
I represent light
Evil is he
Never for me
Daisuke threw down his pen in disgust. He just couldn't write today. This was awful. He needed to get his feelings out, but this was just pathetic. He sighed and closed his sketch-slash-poetry book and locked it. He had no privacy in this place. He then walked over to the corner of his room. He leaned down and pulled up the corner of the carpet and jiggled loose one of the floorboards. There was an empty space beneath it where he kept all of his important things. Like the blank book that he wrote in. After placing the book in its place inside the cavity he replaced the floorboard and pushed back down the carpet. After placing his end table over the spot in the carpet it didn't look any different.
He couldn't help but wonder why it was that he couldn't write today. Usually when something big, emotionally, happened all he could do was write. Some of his best work was about his first venture into the digital world. Maybe it was because he was still in shock. He'd just found out the previous day that his idol, the one person he adored above Taichi, was the Digimon Kaizer. Ken Ichijouji was the Kaizer. Daisuke flopped down on his bed, next to Chibimon. He glanced over at the sleeping digimon. Daisuke couldn't help but smile. Chibimon's mere presence made him feel better.
Ken, Ken, Ken, the name kept running through his head. He'd followed the boy genius' life religiously. Ever since he'd first seen him on T.V. about a year and a half ago. First it had just been an instant crush. The boy was handsome. Then he'd learned more about him and he'd started to admire and respect him. Daisuke knew so much about Ken he could stalk him, if he had the money to. Ken lived in the higher society, where you needed money for everything. He lived among the type of people that spent twelve dollars on a four pack of toilet paper. You couldn't just walk around, looking like he did, without being noticed. The chance to meet Ken in person had been a dream come true for Daisuke. Daisuke had collected every newspaper article on Ken, even the ones in the American papers. He's had to find someone online who'd been willing to ship them to him. He'd started to learn English just so he could read them. And now this. Ken was the Kaizer. The enemy. The kid trying to take over the digiworld. The kid killing, torturing, and enslaving hundreds of helpless digimon.
Daisuke reached out and scratched Chibimon behind his ears. Ken. The name sent chills down his spine. It shouldn't. It should disgust him. It should incite rage and hatred in him. After all that's what the Kaizer did to him. But it didn't. Maybe it hadn't sunk in yet that Ken was the Kaizer. It was unbelievable. Yet it made a twisted sort of sense. Ken who was always hounded by the press. Ken who was always being made to go on talk shows by his parents. Ken who was mobbed by people, mainly teenage girls, who wanted his autograph. Ken who was stalked by those like Daisuke, only with money. Maybe he did it to get away from the real world. Maybe he did it to act out the aggression and anger he wasn't free to express in the real world. Maybe he did it to hide the pain. Or maybe he did it because he liked it. Maybe he just liked to see innocent creatures in pain and torment.
Daisuke couldn't believe that though. His Ken wouldn't do that. Not the Ken he'd been following for so long. Not the Ken he had more poems and drawings dedicated to, if not about, hidden in that hole in the floor. Not the Ken that he wanted to hold forever.
That was a thought he shied away from. He wasn't supposed to think that. Thinking like that got you hurt. Thinking like that had landed him in the hospital for five months. It was okay to look, just don't act. Don't even think about acting. That way they wouldn't know and they wouldn't hurt you. That had been a hard-learned lesson. One his sister kept trying to tell him wasn't true. But what did Jun know? She couldn't even figure out Yamato was gay. And with Taichi on top of it. Not that they'd said anything to him about it. It was just pretty obvious if you knew what to look for. Like Mimi and Sora. Daisuke doubted that even Takeru and Hikari knew about them. They hid it well. And if those two, along with Mimi and Sora, hid it, then being gay had to be wrong.
He'd just continue to go after Hikari. Daisuke knew he didn't stand a chance and never would, but he went after her none the less. Maybe if he chased her long enough he'd actually like her. Maybe the thought of really kissing her, of taking her on a date, wouldn't make him want to throw up. Yes, if he tried hard enough he'd actually like her.
With that thought in mind Daisuke started to drift off to sleep. He thought about Hikari as he fell asleep. Thought about all the things he knew attracted other guys. Still, just as he was about to fall asleep, a pair of hauntingly violet eyes appeared in his mind's eye and a name was softly whispered through his lips. "Ken."