Visitations

Chapter 1

In the Beginning

Kate gazed at the man lying beside her. He looked even more boyish in sleep, hair falling into his face. "Whatever he's dreaming must be fun," she thought as the corners of his mouth turned upward. Kate wished she could join him in whatever happy realm his sleeping brain had found, but she was wide awake. They had agreed to a pressure free month before discussing the wedding again, but questions assaulted her. She loved Castle more than she had ever loved anyone, except perhaps for her parents, but there were times when she had lost hope and worse, times when she had lost trust. There were also times when he just annoyed the hell out of her. When she needed a respite from Castle or even from Alexis or Martha, she could still retreat to her own place, as she had when Castle was missing. After they were married, there would be no retreat. She wasn't sure she was ready to handle that. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing sleep to come.

Hearing a rustling noise, she wondered if Martha or Alexis had wandered in, but remembered that Castle had gotten a decent lock for the bedroom door. A voice called, almost like a whisper of the wind. Kate's eyes flew open, scanning the dark room for the source of the sound. A figure stood over her, illuminated by moonlight streaming through the window. Kate stared into eyes startlingly like her own. "Mom?" she breathed in wonder. "How can you be here? Am I dreaming?"

"No," Johanna assured her. "Much as you seemed to be struggling to get some rest, you're awake. In a way, that's why I'm here, to help you relax and be truly ready for your wedding."

"This must be one of those dreams within a dream," Kate said more to herself than to Johanna, "where you think you woke up, but you didn't."

Kate felt Castle stirring beside her. "Kate, who are you talking to?" he asked. "Is there a body?"

Kate expected Johanna to vanish with Castle's awakening, but the vision of her mother remained. "He can't see me or hear me," Johanna told her. "That's reserved for you. But you can tell him I'm here. He's probably one of the few people in the universe who'll believe you."

"No body, at least not in the literal sense. I was talking to my mother, Castle," Kate explained hesitantly.

"Oh, were you dreaming about her?" Castle asked. "Usually I'm the one who talks in my sleep."

"N-n-no, Castle she's here!" Kate blurted out.

Castle sat up, trying to clear the muzziness from his head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean she, or at least her ghost is here," Kate responded shakily. "She says I'm the only one who can see her or hear her."

"Wow! This is so cool!" Castle exclaimed. "The logical, rational, Kate Beckett talking to a ghost."

"Castle, if you tell anyone, especially Esposito," Kate warned, "I swear there will be two ghosts here."

"Not that he'd believe it anyway," Castle answered, "although Ryan might."

"Castle!" Kate protested.

"All right," Castle agreed "my lips are sealed. Did she say why she's here?"

"She said she's here to prepare me for my wedding." Kate relayed.

"What? Like help you pick out a dress?" Castle asked.

"Wait, what happened to mine?" Johanna asked. "Didn't Jim save it for you?"

"Mom, it's a long story," Kate explained, "but wait a minute, weren't you watching?"

Castle listened to the one sided conversation with puzzled amusement.

"That's not how it works," Johanna continued to her daughter. "As it was explained to me, I get to come back for one wish I had when I was dying. Mine was that I could help you prepare fore a life with the right man. Before I was sent back, I was sort of given the Cliff Notes about you and Castle. I know what he's like and how your relationship has grown, but I don't know a lot of the details. So what happened to my dress?"

"The Cliff Notes version of that is I sank down in the mud wearing it when I thought Castle had been killed," Kate replied. "The dry cleaner tried, but there was no rescuing it. But anyway, I don't know what I'll need. Castle and I tried the big wedding thing once. When we do it this time, we may just go down to City Hall. But somehow, I don't think you're here about a dress."

"No," Johanna confirmed, "I'm here because you can be your own worst enemy, Kate. You let fear and doubt sink in and push away love. From what I've been told, you've let that happen more than once in your relationship with Castle. I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen again."

"How?" Kate asked.

"I do have the power to take you back in time," Johanna revealed.

"Like the ghost of Christmas past?" Kate asked, while Castle chortled at hearing her question.

"Something like that," Johanna agreed. "If you're ready, right now I'd like to take you back to the first time you met Castle."

"When the murders based on his books took place?" Kate queried.

"No," Johanna corrected, "the first time, not long after I died, when you went to his book signing. Now!"

Nineteen year-old Kate was at the end of the line. She fidgeted, running her fingers over the slick surface of the picture on the book jacket. "Was that me?" Kate asked Johanna, as she took in the scene.

Johanna nodded. "Yeah. You were nervous to meet your idol. I'm told you had binge read every one of my Castle books."

"That's true," older Kate agreed. "You loved them so much, it made me feel close to you, and I loved the reassurance. In the end, there was always an answer to the mystery."

"And you fell in love with the face on the cover," Johanna added.

"I guess I did," older Kate admitted, "though I've never told Castle that."

"Why do you think that is?" Johanna asked.

"I don't know," older Kate replied.

"I think you do," Johanna prodded. "It would have made you vulnerable. You couldn't let that happen. You were hiding behind the wall you built to keep from getting hurt. You didn't let him in and it became a habit."

"That was a habit that I broke," older Kate protested.

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Really? So why haven't you told him? Look, you're getting to the head of the line. Look at you! Those are love eyeballs if ever I've seen them. This should be a memory to be cherished, not repressed. I think you still have a little demolition to do."

"You may be right," older Kate conceded uncomfortably. "Can we go back now?"

"This little jaunt is finished," Johanna answered, returning Kate to the bedroom of the loft and Castle's astonished eyes. "You two talk. I'll be back."

"Where were you?" Castle asked. "You were only gone a second."

Kate climbed onto the bed next to him, taking his face in her hands. "Remembering how I fell in love with you."