DISCLAIMER & NOTES: I don't own the TV series Breaking Bad or the song "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." This is merely a parody of the song, and was first posted on my blog on December 1, 2014 (go read it!).
"The Downfall of Walter White Senior" (by Seth Shirer)
(Apologies to Gordon Lightfoot, whose song "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" is the basis for this parody for Breaking Bad.)
The legend lives on in Alberquerque on down
Of the big desert they call To'haijilee.
The desert, it is said, rarely gives up its dead
And its vast burial grounds are quite roomy.
Teaching chemistry to some brats at J.P. Wynne,
Walter White felt his whole life had passed by him.
He made meth for money to take care of his kin
Before that lung cancer could finally kill him.
His meth was the bane on the American side,
His "Blue Sky" attracting global scrutiny.
Working as "Heisenberg," he was smarter than most,
Purveying record-high levels of drug purity.
Getting really worried, he kept looking all around
The desert for that accursed Jesse Pinkman.
When he got a hint of his money supposedly found
Could this have been the threat he'd been fearin'?
At first he tried to call those neo-Nazis for help,
But then found Jesse with his own brother-in-law.
Realizing he'd been outed by the ungrateful whelp,
He tried to peacefully surrender to the law.
But then the skinhead calvary showed up anyway,
And before too long all the bullets were flyin'.
Within moments, it was all over, just like that,
And it was done with both Hank and Gomie just dyin'.
Lying and crying into the desert sand.
He said, "Sorry Hank, I really did try to save ya."
And then he held back that tattle-tale rat
And said, "Jesse, you punk, I don't even know ya."
His horrified family was no longer believed his lies,
And no longer cared that he still suffered from cancer.
He fled their home after an impromptu knife fight,
Thus came the downfall of Walter White Senior.
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When a good man turns himself into a monster?
He cared more about his pride and his ego,
And failed his role as his family's provider.
He could've died dignified or found another way
To do his job as his own family's father.
All that remains is the pain and the shame
For his wife and his son and his daughter.
With one enemy poisoned and all the others gunned down,
Walter White had finally finished his mission.
Now young Jesse can finally chase his dreams,
Now that he's got another chance at redemption.
Throughout and beyond the state of New Mexico,
Some people keep on searching for answers.
Hopefully his family can somehow recover
And escape all the unwanted exposure.
Just ask anyone around, and they'll all agree
That what's been done is no mere misdemeanor
Unsympathetically, they'll all remember
The downfall of Walter White Senior.
The legend lives on in Alberquerque on down
Of the big desert they call To'haijilee.
The desert, they said, rarely gives up its dead
And its vast bural grounds are quite roomy.