A/N: Wow, a new story from me after... how long? Too long! Okay, to all those who read my Lucky Star story Any Second Now: I apologise there have been no updates since, well, what must feel like forever. I hope to finish it some time, but sadly knowing myself I must caution you not to expect anything too soon. I'm now at uni, so I've got a bit more time on my hands, but time's never really been my problem - more self-discipline. Anyway, gomen ne sai, minna-san!

So, like most Lucky Star fans (I'm assuming), I've also watched and, frankly, loved The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi. Almost as importantly for the conception of this fic, so does a good friend of mine whose birthday it was today. Since like most uni students I'm poor (at least when drinking is accounted for), I offered to write him something rather than buying him something. His request was something involving Nagato Yuki - not my character of choice, but it's always good to work outside one's comfort zone. Anyway, the result is this. I do actually plan to finish this one, so enjoy the ride!

REPORT #8-1-18-21-8-9
from HUMANOID INTERFACE #13
for DATA OVERMIND
L.T.R. 08/01/2008

The education process for humans born eighteen years ago or less recommenced for such humans living in the geographical territory called "Nippon" by its inhabitants during the most recent period for which it was exposed to its solar system's core star, after a period of 14 rotations of the planet during which that education was suspended generally for complex reasons irrelevant to this mission. As such, Humanoid Interface #13 recommenced its study of The Auto-evolution Possibility and of The Irregularity in the same time period.

Activities for the majority of the time period displayed insignificant deviance from statistical averages. After the conclusion of education sessions directed by a human whose role in society it is to direct such sessions and further the education of humans born eighteen years ago or less who are assigned to the sessions s/he directs, Humanoid Interface #13 proceeded to the space most typically occupied by the members of the organisation created and led by The Auto-evolution Possibility, referred to by The Auto-evolution Possibility as the "Sekai o Ōi ni Moriageru Tame no Suzumiya Haruhi no Dan" or in shorter form as the "SOS Dan". As is typical, Humanoid Interface #13 arrived in that space before any of the other members did during that time period. The next arrival was the temporally-displaced human called Asahina Mikuru by other humans, followed by the capability-altered human called Koizumi Itsuki, followed by The Irregularity. All three began activities typical of their behaviour at each meeting of the SOS Dan prior to the arrival of The Auto-evolution Possibility: Asahina Mikuru prepared quantities of the liquid known by humans as tea for drinking, whilst The Irregularity and Koizumi Itsuki engaged for recreational purposes in a mental exercise involving a square wooden board and various plastic pieces acting as physical substitutes for data. As is typical, neither of these activities were continued following the arrival of The Auto-evolution Possibility.

The Auto-evolution Possibility's agenda for the day appeared to revolve around the fictional parasitic life forms that humans refer to as 'vampires'. She related her conviction that such beings existed in the subterranean passageways in Tokyo through which hollow metal constructs are run for the purpose of transportation of humans. The Irregularity inquired in his usual manner as to whether The Auto-evolution Possibility had been reading the series of books called 'Twilight' recently, but as usual his opinions were ignored by The Auto-evolution Possibility, who went on to assert that due to the fact that the SOS Dan had not formally assembled whilst the education process had been suspended for its members, the investigation of this latest hypothesis could not be delayed, and so the SOS Dan would be departing immediately to infiltrate one particular set of tunnels no longer actively used for their original purpose. The Irregularity then highlighted the fact that according to almost all sources on them vampires are more dangerous when the geographical area they are inhabiting is not exposed to the solar system's core star and that such a time had nearly arrived, to which The Auto-evolution Possibility responded by announcing that she had spent the time during which she was not being educated gathering items that certain sources on vampires indicate to be effective in ensuring humans are placed in less harm whilst in their presence. Humanoid Interface #13 hypothesises that at this point, The Irregularity realised, as he typically does, that objections are useless when faced with the will of The Auto-evolution Possibility. Thus, he did not raise any more. After several more insignificant conversational remarks, The Auto-evolution Possibility then proceeded to lead the SOS Dan to the area she had decided to investigate in her search for vampires.

Once there, all SOS Dan members selected short, wooden sticks of one of two lengths, not knowing before selection which length any of the sticks would be, from the hand of The Auto-evolution Possibility in order to determine who would be accompanying whom for the duration of this investigation. Humanoid Interface #13 selected one of the two shorter sticks, the other of which was left in the hand of The Auto-evolution possibility. As a result, the two groups consisted on the one hand of The Irregularity, Asahina Mikuru and Koizumi Itsuki and on the other hand The Auto-evolution Possibility and Humanoid Interface #13. (It is hypothesised that The Auto-evolution Possibility subconsciously desires to become more knowledgeable of Humanoid Interface #13, with whom she has interacted previously on a negligible number of occasions.) Consciously, however, the Auto-evolution Possibility seemed inexplicably irritated by this turn of events; however, she did not contest it and instead merely departed after ordering Koizumi Itsuki to ensure that The Irregularity's behaviour towards Asahina Mikuru did not stray beyond the bounds generally accepted by human society in Nippon. Humanoid Interface #13 naturally accompanied her.

As they progressed, The Auto-evolution Possibility attempted to engage Humanoid Interface #13 in conversation on various trivial matters that seem irrelevant to this summative report; the full data are collated elsewhere. However, a surge of data from The Auto-evolution Possibility was observed when at last she displayed frustration with Humanoid Interface #13 for not supplying longer responses to her statements and questions. The peak of this surge was observed when The Auto-evolution spoke the words:

"Gee, Yuki-chan, I get that you're the silent character and all, but couldn't you grow a bit of a personality some time?"

It is currently unknown what the effect of this date surge was, is or will be.

End of report.

A/N: Well... that as you can imagine was interesting to write. Worry not, it won't be quite so stilted in future chapters. You can probably guess more or less where this is going, but hopefully one or two things I have in store will be surprises later down the line. ;)

R&R! Reviews make me write faster! ... I hope.

P.S. I've had to edit this a couple of times to get some of Yuki's terminology here consistent. Shows me for not proof-reading it first, I guess. _'