I don't own any of the rights to Supernatural. I got the idea for this fic from a video on YouTube (/watch?v=BphIAlo_5OI). Enjoy!

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope,

Which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word.

I was never really sure when it had started; maybe it had always been there, right from the beginning. That overwhelming sense to protect you and care for you. I knew the realities of the world more than you did and, though I knew neither of us could escape this life, I had to try to keep you safe. Dad, though genetically was family, treated us more as soldiers than anything else. We were the only family each other had, so I had to protect you at all costs.

It was only when we became teenagers did that feeling change. It wasn't a sudden realisation like in all those crappy tv shows- it came to me slowly. Before I knew it, the feeling to protect you had long since changed into something more; something much stronger. I didn't really know what it was and, though I would never admit it even to myself, it scared me. Every time I looked at you, I seemed to just know that no one in the world would ever be more important to me than you. It took awhile but soon I had figured out what the feeling was becoming. It was hope, but it was also more than that. It was love.

As we grew older, I began to think more and more about you. I saw you in a way that I had never seen anyone before. Though I never actually admitted to myself, I knew what this was. I was in love with you. It probably should have come to me as a shock. But, to be honest, I wasn't surprised in the slightest. I knew from the moment I first saw you, I knew that I would do everything I could to care for you. Falling for you probably wasn't the most conventional way of doing that but nothing about our lives was conventional anyway.

I knew I had to tell you but I just didn't know how. You looked up to me like I was some kind of superhero even by the age of fifteen. I had never been good with expressing any kind of emotion with words but I knew I couldn't keep this a secret. Not only would it drive me insane but I thought that if there was even the slightest chance of you feeling any of this towards me then I should take the risk. Do you remember when I told you? It was when Dad was out on another hunt (again) but had decided to leave us at the motel (for once). You were sitting curled up on the couch with your nose buried in a book. I was in the other room silently pep talking myself to just grow a pair and tell you. I went in and grabbed the book out of your hands. You whined at me for a bit but I just sat down next to you. Apparently, my anxiety was showing because you asked me what was wrong. I tried to tell you, I really did. I tried to say that perfectly scripted out paragraph I had rehearsed in my head a thousand times over but it just wouldn't come out. My mouth refused to form the right words or any words at all for that matter. So I quickly shut my mouth, stared at you for a few seconds, made a split second decision, leant in and kissed you.

And then that word grew louder and louder, til it was a battle cry.

I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye.

As soon as I realised what I had done, I tried to pull away. But you just grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me back, pushing our lips together again. This time I was the shocked one. The feel of your lips on mine was too good to be true and before I knew it I was kissing you back. I still have no idea how long we had stayed on that couch in that anonymous motel room pouring out our love to each other. But all I know is that when we finally went to sleep that night, in my bed with my arms curled around you and your head resting on my chest, I knew for certain that I loved you more than I could ever love anyone else.

We never told Dad, of course. But we continued to love each other in a way that was beyond brothers. I made a promise to you that I would never leave you. Do you remember that? I promised that I would always be there for you and that I would always love you.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light,

You'll come back when it's over, no need to say goodbye.

Everything was perfect. Or, at least, as perfect as you could get living the life we do. Everything was fine. But then you tried to leave. You wanted to get out of this life. You wanted to run away to Stanford and have a normal life. I tried to tell you that you would always end up with this life; people like us don't get to have normal lives and normal families. No matter what path you took, you would always end up as a hunter.

But you still tried to leave. I said that you would come back after uni. Nothing lasts forever and you would come back to a hunter's life soon enough. Do you remember what I said? 'No matter what happens you'll always come back to us, to me'. And do you remember what your reply was? 'I don't need you'. Do you know how much that broke me? What you said right then was what made me snap.

I started to beg. No more convincing or persuading. I begged you to stay. I was desperate. After everything we had shared together, you couldn't just leave me like this. I couldn't let you go but you were willing to drop me like a stone in the ocean. And knowing that as I watched you walk away from me... it broke my heart.

Now we're back to the beginning, it's just a feeling and no one knows yet.

But just because they can't feel it too, doesn't mean that you have to forget

So here we are, Sammy. After everything that has happened, we're back right where we started. Saving people, hunting things, the family business. I missed you ya' know. You undoubtedly haven't missed me but still. I know you're upset about Jess and Dad and you think this is all my fault. But please, just let me back in. It's still here. Buried deep under all the other crap that's inside my muddy soul. That feeling. The want, no the need, to protect you, to care for you, to love you. I need you to be in my life. I don't think you even want me in yours but I have to try.

Please, Sam, I'm begging you. Just remember. Remember what we used to share. Remember everything we had, all the emotions you felt. You don't have to block them out; you don't have to push me away again. Let me in, just like you did all those years ago.

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger, til they're before your eyes

You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye

Remember how you felt when I kissed you. Remember that kiss and what it was like. The fireworks that came from that single connection of our lips. Remember what I promised you. How I said I would always protect you, care for you, and love you. Remember all the little things you used to say to me. All the stupid things that I would have passed off as a 'chick flick' moment if they were said by anyone but you. Remember what we used to be. Please, Sammy, remember me.

All I need to do is remind you. To show you what we used to have. To prove that we can have that again. So, I tell you the only way I know how. Not with words but by watching you curl up on the couch and bury your nose in a book. I steal the book from you. You whine like a baby at me but I stay silent and sit down next to you. I turn my body to face you. I look into the beautiful hazel depths that are your eyes. Then I slowly lean in and kiss you. When I pull back I'm almost scared to see the reaction on your face. But my eyes never make it. You grab the front of my shirt and pull me back before I hardly get to take a breath. Our lips are pushed together once more. I smile because I know that even after all this time and after everything we may have said to each other, we're still the same as we always have been. And this is how we will always be.