AN: Yes, I love Bara Boyfriends. For some reason, the idea of Ralph and Zangief being together is just adorable to me! And it works, because, apparently, Zangief is canonly gay in his game. Sorry if you don't like, but to me, they're perfect! I hope you all enjoy this!

Disclaimer: I do not own Wreck It Ralph. Disney does.

"Come on, Ralph. It's just a wedding. You've done these before. Pull yourself together, man. You can do it."

Wincing as his whispered words of encouragement at the mirror only made him feel worse, Ralph groaned as he slumped in his chair, his hands running through and ruining the hair he had just spent hours wrestling into place. Half curling so his forehead was pressed against the little pink vanity before him that Vanellope had insisted he borrow for the big day, he decided right then and there to call the whole thing off. He would go out there, apologize to the rest of the wedding party, and just say that he couldn't do it. If he did it right, they would all understand. No one's feelings would be hurt, and they could all go to the non-reception and eat non-wedding chocolate cake like the friends they were.

Because let's be real; if he couldn't keep his hair flat and couldn't get his legs to stop trembling long enough to walk down the aisle, how could he ever go through with actually getting married?

"Holy hotcakes, Wreck-It. What happened to you?"

"Life," Ralph growled, turning himself just enough so he could look at the woman who had barged into his dressing room without bothering to knock. "I really don't think I'm going to be able to do this, Sarge. I mean, who are we kidding? Me, married?" Lifting his head from the table just enough to wipe away the pointed grains of sugar that had embedded themselves into his skin, he shot her a long look that silently begged for her assistance. "I just…"

"Need another pair of hands to help," Calhoun finished for him, one pushing down on his shoulder to get him to hunch over while the other grabbed the comb he had been using, her fingers quick and deft as they worked out the tangles he had returned to his hair. Humming softly as she began to fix the mess he had made, for a few minutes she let them sit in silence before speaking again, her tone neutral as she spoke. "If you back out now, there's going to be an eight-foot Russian on our hands that's not going to be very happy with you. You know that, right?"

"I know," Ralph replied with a sigh, shooting her a quick glare that she easily matched as she slapped away the hand that had been head toward his head. "And I feel terrible that I'm going to do this to him, but, Sarge, I really don't think I can do this. I can't even walk straight at the moment, let alone remember my vows and everything else I'm supposed to do. What if I mess up? What if I- Hey!"

"Pull yourself together and quite whining, Wreck-It," Calhoun said, her smirk as he rubbed at the place she had punched him, growing a bit at the look of surprise on his face. "You sound like every t.v. drama ever written wrapped into a plushie ball of destruction and anti-coordination." Crossing her arms, the look on her face became stern as she jerked her head toward the partly open door, behind which the sugar cube corridor of the Sugar Rush castle could be seen. "Yes or no time, fluffy. Do you love Zan?"

"Yeah, of course, but-"

"No cuts, no buts, no coconuts, soldier," Calhoun cut in, tapping him on the nose with the comb to shut him up. "A yes is a yes. That's all I need to know. And I don't even need to ask Speedo whether or not he loves you; he wouldn't have proposed if he didn't. Now, if the reason you're thinking about calling off this whole shebang is because you're truly not sure you want to get married, tell me now and I'll go show Markowski the chocolate crickets they have here. That'll be more than enough to at least get everything postponed. But if you're just scared of wrecking everything, then suck it up and keep it to yourself. It's make your mommas and boyfriends proud time, and the ceremony starts in five. Now bend over so I can fix your part."

"I do love my momma and boyfriend," Ralph muttered as he complied, resting his chin against his chest in an attempt to hide his small smile from his friend. Although her words were harsh, he had been scolded by Calhoun enough times since they had met to be able to read between the lines, and it was sweet that she cared so much. Not that he would ever say anything, for that was just asking for a helmet in the face, but the thought still counted. "Thanks, Sarge. Not to be rude or anything, but why were you the one to come and get me? What happened to Felix and Vanellope?"

"Princess and Muttonfudge got at it again, so Fix-It's fixing their dresses," Calhoun replied with a shrug, letting out a satisfied sound a moment later as she finished her own repair job. Pushing on his shoulder so that he looked into the mirror, she smiled as his face lit up at the sight of his ordered hair. "And you're welcome, pussywillow. Now come on; I know you guys said that you were going to skip it, but I'm walking you down the aisle."

"Thanks, Cal," Ralph repeated as he pushed himself to his feet. His bare toes curling against the cool flooring before he took her offered elbow, his hand almost covered her entire arm as he allowed her to lead him toward the door. "You know," he chuckled as she paused, leaning her head out the door to tell the candy assistants waiting for them that they were finally ready, "I was right. Green really does suit you."

"Course it does, buttercup," Calhoun replied with a snort as she tugged him toward the great hall where the wedding was going to take place, sparing only a moment to glance down at the colored tuxedo he had picked out for her. "Course it does."

Smiling and waving at the friends that had come to join them for their day, Calhoun leading him through the crowd as he greeted them all, Ralph almost missed seeing the man that was waiting for him at the altar. What he didn't miss, however, was the warm pair of arms as they wrapped around him from behind and the tickle of Zangief's beard as he pressed a quick kiss to the back of Ralph's neck.

"There you are, Ralph," Zangief sighed, resting his chin against Ralph's shoulder as the guests began to settle into their seats, the rest of the wedding party separating themselves from the crowd to join the three already at the front of the hall. "I was getting worried something happened to you."

"His hair had a meltdown, but I fixed it," Calhoun said as she took a step back, tugging her arm free from Ralph's grasp as Felix hopped over to her side.

"Are you fellas ready to get this wedding started," he asked, bouncing slightly as he waited for their response. Felix had almost been more excited about them getting married than they had been, just glad that another brother would be joining their little family.

"You better be, Stink Brain," Vanellope complained as she glitched onto his free shoulder, pulling at the collar of her dress as she glared at Zangief. "The sooner I get out of this puffy mess, the better. I still don't get why she gets to wear a suite and I don't," she pouted, pointing at Calhoun as the older woman walked off to take her spot by the doors.

"As ring holder and flower girl, you must be cute and adorable," Zangief replied as he lifted her off of Ralph's shoulder, ignoring the president's pout as he set her on her feet. "As soon-to-be-husband's terrifying female friend, blonde one gets to wear what she wants. Now go," he finished, shooing her toward the empty spot in the wedding party that had been left open for her. "Like said, quicker we get married, quicker you get out of dress."

Opening her mouth to retort, Vanellope was cut off by the sound of trumpets, Sour Bill turning to nod at them all and give the signal.

It was starting.

"Are you ready," Zangief asked, holding out his hand as Vanellope glitched away, taking up her own place in the wedding party.

For a moment Ralph didn't answer, just stood there and stared at the offered appendage, before smiling softly, reaching out to take it.

"I am," Ralph said, surprisingly calm. Interlocking their fingers, Ralph pulled him in for a quick, soft kiss before walking forward, taking Calhoun's offered arm before leaving through the opened doors. Through the doors to walk down the slightly sticky candy carpet that would lead to the alter.

The alter where they were to be married.