8/21/2010

Wedding Day. The day where a man and woman come together with their friends and families to be united; it's a joyous feeling to know you'll be with the one you love forever. I'm sure everyone else has had a happy wedding day. Everyone but me.

I felt like Elizabeth Swan from Pirates of the Caribbean. Standing in the rain in my wedding dress; the dress that I just realized I despise.

I wasn't left at the altar. He didn't die. He didn't even say no when the priest asked him to take me as his wife.

He said yes.

You're thinking big deal, right?

You have no idea.

I had met the boys of Big Time Rush three years before I got married. I was at Cabana Club in LA celebrating with my cousin, Hailey; she had just won her first big case, right out of law school. I had never been to a club before; between the drinks and the lights I was getting a bit sick. After going outside for some fresh air, which is a total joke considering I was in LA, I went back to the table where Hailey was but she wasn't alone.

Next to her sat one of the most gorgeous guys I have ever seen. Perfect blonde hair, with perfect green eyes, and with the most perfect dimples I have ever seen. I know no one is perfect, but to me he was.

Once Hailey noticed me, she made the guy scoot down so I could sit next to her. "Sicily, this is Kendall! He's in that band I told you about!" she yelled over the music. Band? I didn't remember anything about a band, I just nodded and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you Sicily, Hailey has told me a lot about you!" Oh lord his smile was so….

"Please don't try to tell me she's trying to see if you have any friends that are interested." She was always trying to set me up, but maybe I want to be an old cat lady you nosey ass cousin.

"Actually, yes. And there he is, HEY LOGAN OVER HERE!" I looked in the direction he was looking. I saw a wave and he started making his way over with two guys behind him.

Once the boys I got closer, I realized who they were. Logan, James, and Carlos from BTR were standing next to my table. I couldn't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. I did remember my cousin telling me that she was being hired to help a band fix their contract with a record company.I googled the band, but I only listened to some of the songs and saw a clip of a live concert.

"Logan, this is my cousin Sicily, the one I was talking about!" my cousin yelled. She was lucky it was dim in here so no one could see my red face.

He sat next to Kendall and smiled at me. He looked nice, plain almost. I could already tell why I was being set up with him. He was safe. He was probably logical and super smart and never did anything stupid. My cousin was such a snatch.

I looked over at James and Carlos and patted the space next to me, "You can sit next to me, I won't bite." The Boys chuckled and sat down. I noticed they were holding hands. Awe, that's so damn cute. I didn't really talk to anyone the rest of the night except James and Carlos. They told me about the band and how they got together and I told them about all the traveling I just got back from.

By the time I was pretty sure Hailey was very intoxicated, I told the boys it was time for us to go. Kendall helped her walk to the car while I followed behind with the others. Logan didn't say one word to me, thanks for nothing cuz.

"Thanks Kendall, I probably wouldn't have been able to get her out here by myself."

"Anytime." Oh those dimples…

As I opened my door, I waved good bye and got in. Of course no one asked for my number. I was going to be an old cat lady forever. We got to Hailey apartment and I took her up to bed. All the sudden I heard something vibrating.

"Go getsh me phone", Hailey mumbled into her pillow. I found it in her purse. It was a text message from Logan.

Can I have Sicily's #?-Logan

Oh yeah score one for me! Even though it wasn't Kendall, something was better than nothing.

It started from there; we started texting, then calling, then hanging out, then dates, and finally after 2 years he proposed. After a year of planning, our wedding was finally here.

Yes there were signs that he might have doubts, but when I asked him he denied them. I even asked Kendall and he said he was probably just nervous. I trusted Kendall, he and I had become very close friends. Friends. When I realized that's all we'd ever be, I moved on.

I wouldn't say I was madly in love with Logan. I did love him though. As I had predicted when I first met him, he was safe, logical, and smart. Maybe that's why I said I Do. I played it safe.

I stared in the mirror of my dressing room. The magnificent dressing room of the Bennett Manor. I had found it in Philadelphia and I thought it would be the perfect place to be married. We rented the entire house so all of the family and friends could stay there. This was the only thing of the wedding I really planned; Hailey, who was my maid of honor, planned everything else.

Something felt off when I looked at my reflection. The dress was something I thought Logan would like, not me. My hair looked like something he would like, not me. I tried to ignore the feeling. My bridesmaids were Camille and Jo. Jo isn't with Kendall anymore; she married Ian Somerholder, an actor of course.

Your probably thinking, why the hell is Camille in your wedding?

In the three years Logan and I had been together and Camille and I had been friends, no one had told me they used to date.

Weird, right?

"Sicily, it's time!" Hailey smiled at me. She was so excited I couldn't help but smile.

As I walked down the aisle, things really started to click in my brain. Logan wasn't even looking my way. He was looking towards Camille, who was already at the altar with Jo. He had a pained look on his face. When I made it up to him, he just grabbed my hands and stared at the priest, not once making eye contact with me.

I thought he was just nervous. God how stupid could I get?

We said the I Do's and we kissed. A kiss that screamed mistake. When we got back into the house, he walked off with the boys while I greeted the guests. Alone.

For the reception, Logan acted like I didn't even exists. Everyone noticed it. I tried to act oblivious.

Finally, it ended. The guests went home, and my family went inside to get all the children ready for bed in the 20 bedroom house. One of those bedrooms being Logan and I's.

Now here I am standing on the front court yard with Hailey and Jo. We are still dressed up. And it's pouring down rain. I'm not cold, I'm not crying, I'm just thinking.

"What the hell happened today?" Hailey asks.

I don't answer. I just keep my eyes focused on the rolling hills.

"Where's Camille?" Jo looks at Hailey.

"She said she wanted to be alone."

"With Logan," I say. Suddenly it's very quiet.

"Why would he propose to me, say I do, if he wants to be with Camille?" I say quietly.

No one says anything. But I hear the sound of their heels as they leave me be. Alone again.

I feel lost. Nothing makes sense to me. All I want to do is stand here. The more I stand here the more envious I am of Elizabeth Swan. At least Will loves her, he wants to marry her. And lucky for her she's not married.

Oh god. I'm married to Logan. Logan would rather be with Camille. Suddenly I'm feeling very angry. I hear a door open and close and then someone stands next to me. I can smell the Georgio Armani I got him for Christmas last year.

Kendall. He puts his arm around my shoulders and we don't say anything.

After a few minutes he says, "Do you want to talk?" I look up at him and smile. " How about you talk and I listen?" I suggest.

He looks away and exhales like he's been holding his breath.

" Sicily…I don't even know where to start. This whole day never should have happened. I can't believe he married you when he wants her… This is so fucked up. You never deserved this, Sicily. If I had known before the wedding I would have told you." He almost looked like he was going to cry.

So I hugged him. It felt so nice to be in his arms; so different compared to Logan.

"It's okay Kendall. I'm starting to see that from the very beginning I was just settling for him. I knew I couldn't have what I really wanted so I decided to play it safe."

He looked confused. "What did you really want?"

I smiled. "I can't tell you that Knight, I'm a married woman."

"You're going to stay with him?" He looked mad. Odd…

"Are you crazy? Of course not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to my lawyer about a divorce."

That night while I lay in bed, with Hailey next to me, I couldn't help but think about my so-called husband. I let a few tears slip out. I really was going to be an old cat lady!

The next morning I woke up around 8. I went out to the hallway. It was silent. I decided to check on the boys. I slowly opened James and Carlos's room; two of my preteen cousins were sleeping on the floor snoring away. Next, I opened Kendall's door. In the middle of the king sized bed was Kendall, and all around him were the little sleeping bodies of my youngest cousins.

My cousin, all 16 of them were younger than the age of 15. They all loved James, Carlos, and especially Kendall. They were so excited for their future uncles. With that thought in mind I hope I don't lose the guys after this whole ordeal.

I notice that Kale, one of the youngest is about to fall off the bed. I try to tiptoe into the room as silently as I can towards Kale. And then I fall flat on my face. I tripped over a…guitar? Kendall must have played for them. I did not fall silently by the way. Kendall was the only one I woke though.

"Sicily? Are you okay?" he asked peering over the edge of the bed.

"Oh yeah I'm just grand. Just thought I'd, ya know, inspect…the carpet?" I smiled at him.

"Oh yeah I thought about it too but I figured you'd probably do it anyways." He said chuckling.

"I actually wanted to tell you something."

"Oh really?" he raises and eyebrow; that big bushy eyebrow.

"Hailey wrote up the divorce papers last night with me. I need someone to serve them to him."

"I'll do it." There was no hesitation in his voice: that made me smile; I won't lose him afterall.

"And he might freak out…I'm taking his car." Kendall's eyes got really wide.

Logan loved his Lamborghini.

"Well I guess all is fair in love and war. Are you, uh, going to talk to Camille?"

I thought about it early. It wasn't worth it. I told Hailey that when she woke up to go tell Camille she had five minutes to get off the property.

"Hailey's taking care of it. And I know Logan probably won't want to talk to me, but if he tells you anything, I want to know okay?" Kendall nods. "Oh and once you give him the papers, tell him he has five minutes to get out of here before my dad hears the whole story and decides to kill him." Kendall laughed.

My dad was a body builder. At least his nasty looking muscles were good for something.

Later that day, I stood outside on the court yard and watched Logan leave. In a taxi. With Camille. In my hand I twirled the keys to the Lambo. I smiled thinking about Logan's yells of rage from earlier.

Hailey, Jo, and I listened through Logan's door as Kendall gave him the papers.

"Is she fucking crazy? She wants my car?"

"Well what do you expect? We've been friends forever Logan but you really fucked up this time. I hope Camille is worth losing everything. Sign the paper."

"You think she deserves everything she's asking for?" He sounded shocked. Well I also did ask for a couple million dollars. Don't judge me.

"Logan, Sicily deserves all of that and more." It was silent and then we heard the door knob move.

"Oh my god, move!" Jo yelled/whispered but it was too late. We all landed in a pile. Kendall opened the door and saw us. He started laughing and helped us up.

"So?" We asked.

"Well Sicily, I proudly announce you divorced!" I jumped him. I couldn't help it alright?

"You forgot to mention rich!" Hailey squealed. I looked at her and laughed. "Hailey, it was your idea to put that in there!"

She shrugged. "You'll thank me later."

I heard the door open and close. Kendall.

"How's it feel to have been married and divorced in 24 hours?" he asked smiling.

"Peachy keen." He laughs at me. Oh that laugh…

"So now that you're not a married woman, how about you tell me what you really want?"

Oh no. I was hoping he'd forget about that. If I tell him I could lose him or he could magically feel the same and I'd live happily ever after. Kendall was everything I wanted. He wasn't safe; he was fun and exciting and unpredictable. I didn't want to play it safe anymore; look what happened when I did.

I took a deep breath.

"What I really want, since the first time we meet, is to be with you." I couldn't look at him when I said it. I didn't want to see the apologetic look on his face before he said he doesn't feel the same.

The silence seemed like an eternity, but it was probably only ten seconds. He stood in front of me and gently grabbed my face. I looked up in his eyes and I saw it. I saw the same feelings I felt for him.

"Sicily, you have no idea how bad I've wanted to hear that." Our facing inched closer and he whispered, "Can I kiss you?" I nodded slightly and then it happened. Finally it was like Elizabeth and Wills kiss when they get married, minus the pirates and death.

It was perfect, like him.

I broke the kiss when a thought popped up, "Wait, you've liked me since the night we met?"

"Yes, why?" He looked confused.

"Why didn't you try to get my number or act like you were interested?"

"Logan said he liked you. I didn't want to cause problems…" He trailed off. I'm sure he was beating himself up now about letting Logan have me.

"It's okay Kendall. We know now." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me. I heard him sigh and kiss my head. "Sicily?" He mumbled into my hair.

I looked up at him.

"I love you." he whispered.

God he was perfect.