Title: The Story of a Boy who existed, but Never Lived
Rating: M
Summary: "And it was in this exact moment Nunnally Vi Britannia decided that it was time that someone told the true story of Lelouch." Hear the whole tale about Lelouch told by Nunnally herself, from his early days as child to the day he died. Yaoi.
Warnings: Angst, child abuse, mentions of rape, incest, yaoi and a lot of spoilers to those who haven't watched both seasons.
Disclaimer: As painful as it is, I don't own Code Geass. You don't see Suzaku and Lelouch going at it like bunnies, now do you?
A/N: I was greatly inspired to write this story by a friend of mine reading out loud from a book called "The Gargoyle". As far as I have planned, everything will be told from Nunnally's point of view(I might decide to change that later), but the plot will of course central around Lelouch and his life.
Although this fic will contain not much of graphic scenes, it will still include yaoi(boyxboy) and very dark sexual themes, like rape, incest and child molestation. So please push the back button if any of these factors offends you. If it doesn't, I hope you'll enjoy reading "The Tale of a Boy who existed, but Never Lived."
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The Story of a Boy who existed, but Never Lived
Prologue
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It was a strange, particular evening she thought where she sat, her small form silhouetted against the grand window of her bed chamber. Outside it was raining, a great show of wild madness in the disguise as harmless water, but betraying its ill intentions as it hit the roof, drumming and bashing like a betrayed soul in endless fury, making the woman in the room look up in wonder as the violent noise assaulted her ears.
Strange indeed. That such a merciless weather had come so quickly without warning, suffocating the soft blue sky with dark clouds of heavy grayness, killing the glorious sun with spears of lightning and despairing thunder. She watched through the thick glass of her window, observing the people running below in a distant amusement, her mild violet and blue eyes trailing their movements of a hurried pace in order to escape the sudden storm that so cruelly made everything wet and miserable. She lifted a pale finger up against her moist reflection, tracing the dark shadows of the raindrops that slowly ran down on the outside surface, blurring her face to the point of an unrecognizable picture.
It was almost like tears. Tears streaming down her face and neck in sorrowful turmoil, portraying her inner grief as the somber atmosphere made her think back to a past she'd rather forget. She never cried these days. Her guess was that there were simply no more available to shed. She had emptied herself of tears that day when it happened. Her eyes had cried and cried, never pausing, never stopping until she no longer could see, her vision clouded by a wet wall of salt and liquid mixed together.
She let her small hand fall to her lap as she lowered her eyelids in silent remember. She rarely closed her eyes anymore aside from sleep, the memories of her later childhood in complete blackness still too clear to her mind and body. She would often wake in the middle of night, with sweat running down her pallid skin as her mouth was opened in a silent scream. Then she would gasp, clutching her palms up to her beating heart, staring with wide eyes at the dark covered room in pure bliss because it was all just a dream and she still had the gift to see.
A flash of lighting pierced trough the clouds of depression and for a second everything were bathed in a brilliant light, illuminating every furnish and creation present in the room. And as the sudden whiteness retreated, a shadow was cast over the floor, a shadow of a human. The woman in the chair looked up as the room once more laid surrounded in comfortable darkness. In the door stood a tall being, proud as few with a beautiful face sculptured out of a dark, unblemished color, and with a slender but strong body still in shape, despite of growing age and past birth.
Viletta Nu walked gracefully into the little room of small contentions, but with splendid decorations only fitted for a person of great status, someone of blue blood, a royalty. She stopped before of the window and the woman in front of it, her pose relaxed and with a soft expression showing nothing but deep affection and concern.
"Why are you sitting here in darkness all by yourself, Nunnally dear? Are you not feeling well?"
The ex soldier, now a devoted wife and mother, kneeled and reached out a dark hand to caress the pale brow of Nunnally Vi Britannia, resting it there as she felt for traces of any abnormal heat. Nunnally smiled and gently lowered the other woman's hand and grasped it with her smaller owns.
"Oh, do not worry about me Viletta-san, I'm feeling perfectly fine and healthy. I'm just thinking of some old, silly stuff, that's all." She smiled reassuringly as to show that what she said was true.
Viletta returned the smile as she placed her other free hand over their entwined ones, holding it there as she looked up to Nunnally with great fondness showing in her green eyes.
"Then come join us downstairs. I just put Naoto (1) to sleep and everyone has gathered in the living room." She paused. "I even think Tamaki went to fetch some wine… Well, knowing Tamaki he will most likely just bring whatever available alcohol he may find," she added with a humorous smirk.
Nunnally laughed. A joyful sound, yet tinged with a tone of sadness and grief.
"I do not doubt that my friend, after all, Tamaki's first and greatest love was always the alcohol." They both shared a knowing lock of shared love for their foolish, but greatly appreciated kinsman that had always been there no matter what.
"Will you come then?" Viletta asked again, releasing herself from the embrace of their hands and stood up.
"I'm very sorry Viletta-san, but tonight I'd rather stay here. I'm not meaning to be rude; it's just that I have a lot on my mind, and truth to be told, I don't think you will find me very good company right now," Nunnally sighed and turned to her familiar place of looking out of the window.
Viletta didn't reply, neither did she leave. She simply stood and observed the thin woman glancing absentmindedly at the heavy world outside her bedroom. Her eyes grew distant as, Viletta guessed, old memories of an unhappy time came back to haunt her with horrid images and vicious whispers.
With a cold expression upon her normally kind face she sat down on the princess's bed, a beautiful masterpiece covered with silken textures and decorated with handmade flowers of a pink color. For a moment she continued to look at Nunnally, taking in the soft features of the fragile girl, and suddenly she grew angry. Angry at the person who, still after his death, had the power to bring upon such distress to a soul with the gentlest heart ever created.
"It has been ten years Nunnally. Is it not time for you to forget Lelouch and move on?"
Nunnally turned to face the older woman, lips formed in a sad smile as she replied in a soft, but unwavering voice:
"I will never forget my older brother Viletta-san. I loved him greatly, so why should I not be allowed to mourn?"
"But why do you wish to mourn such a cruel soul, Nunnally?!" Viletta asked in a desperate manner. "All he ever did was causing you and others pain and suffering, to create misery among those who loved him… He don't deserve your devotion Nunnally, he never did."
Nunnally didn't answer. They both fell silent and for a long time they just sat there, buried in own thoughts and emotions, nursing old wounds that had been brutally ripped open in the matter of just a few minutes. Outside the rain had slowed down, no longer hitting the roof as in burning rage, but rather now with a calming motion, filling the room with a comfortable sound of tapping water.
And Nunnally felt cold. Not because it was not enough warmth in the room, not because sitting by the window made the air chilly, but because of what Viletta had said.
Not that she felt any resentment towards Viletta for using such hostile and menace words about her brother. No, she could not be blamed for feeling that way about Lelouch, no one could. After all, her beloved brother had indeed caused many great pains and sorrow, his actions too vile and cruel for forgiveness.
But none knew her brother like she did. No one knew what past he and her had shared together.
No one knew what pains that had been inflicted on Lelouch himself in young age.
No one but Nunnally. The rest had either suffered the cold hand of death, or simply refused to acknowledge the wretched truth of the noble Imperial family of Britannia.
And it pained her deeply. That so many carried such great hatred for her brother, calling him names like monster, murder… Demon.
Lelouch Vi Britannia was never such a thing. He was a kind, righteous creature, but with scars so deep that they tore on his very soul, ripping and hurting like the thorns of a rose, only permanently pierced into his delicate skin, forever bleeding unable to heal. And like every bleeding wound refusing to close, it festered and became an object of anguish and hurt.
Lelouch had always been so strong. Possessing a strength Nunnally could only dream of obtain, always there for her when the dark nature of their situation came to torture her with its presence, ready to comfort and chase her nightmares away. And the aftermath would always leave her guilty, because she was so weak and had to rely on her brother's support in order to manage, while all the time she knew Lelouch was the one who really needed support from someone the most. But he never had anyone older to hold him at night when he suffered, he had only her, and she was too much of a coward to supply him with the love he needed.
Why did everyone feel they had the right to judge Lelouch and cast shame upon his memory, when in truth, they knew nothing. Because Lelouch had, yes, indeed been the culprit of the most cruel actions, but he had also before that, been a victim subjected to horrifying acts of evil so black that it never should have risen. Her brother had been formed by his childhood experiences, and those alone were the reason he had turned into the troubled man that had been a symbol of both freedom and tyranny.
And it was in this exact moment Nunnally Vi Britannia decided that it was time that someone told the true story of Lelouch.
Not the story of the legendary Zero, who with his brilliant leadership and great love for Japan, rebelled against the vicious system that had so many killed for no reason and released the world from its evil tyrant.
Nor would she speak about Lelouch Vi Britannia as the demon emperor, killer of the late emperor Charles Zi Britannia and the one who almost succeeded in the destroying of the world.
No, Nunnally would tell the real story, about a young boy who lost all innocence in the house of prison, with no one but himself to trust and rely on. Just this once would she reveal to someone the cruelty that had made Lelouch what he had been the day he died. Just this once, would she make someone see Lelouch as he should be seen.
A broken hero.
And with an inner strength she had never believed could be found inside her, she lifted her head high as the proper royalty she was, took a deep breath steadying her for the painful tale she would soon bring out for the woman in the bed opposite her to hear, and spoke in a voice full with unwavering determination.
"Do you mind if I tell you a story Viletta-san? The story of a boy who existed, but never lived."
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Terrible short I know, but this is just the prologue, the beginning. So in next chapter Nunnally will begin to tell the story of Lelouch, starting from their early childhood in the palace of Empress Marianne.
(1): Naoto is the name I decided to give the child of Viletta and Oghi as it is showed in the end of the series that she is pregnant. The name Naoto belonged to the deceased older brother of Kallen and previous leader of the terrorist group she and Oghi was a part of before the Black Knights was formed. At that time he was also Oghi's best friend so I thought it would make sense if the baby was called after someone with great importance to either or both parent. Seeing how I couldn't find anyone with a connection to both or someone close to Viletta, my choice fell on Naoto.
Please leave a review and tell me what you think :D
-Ishib Ioay
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