AN: This started as being inspired by a pop song...and ended with Shakespeare references.
I have no explanation.
I'm in love with Ladybug.
Marinette replayed the words in her head as she backed out of the room with an embarrassed smile. She replayed them again as she took the long way home, choosing a route not even Alya would be able to find her on... Again as she transformed, running over the rooftops of Paris until her heart seemed less heavy... And again when, hours later, she finally collapsed onto her balcony in exhaustion.
It wasn't everyday your crush told you he was in love with you. Marinette just had the distinct pleasure of the admission also being a rejection.
Sorry, Adrien said, looking decidedly uncomfortable on the locker room bench next to her. I'm in love with Ladybug.
He'd said it almost hesitantly, as if aware that his admission made him seem like nothing more than a fanboy, and Marinette had just nodded. Smiling though her embarrassment, she'd managed to mutter of few words of acceptance as she darted away before Adrien-or worse Alya- could follow. Marinette almost felt bad for leaving the boy to her best friend's wrath, but was too busy licking her own wounds to really worry about it. So she'd run, and hadn't stopped until the sun had fully set. When the stars finally made their appearance, Marinette forced herself to stop and go home, at least for Tikki's sake.
Kneeling on her balcony, she opened the hatch to her room and released her transformation, watching as Tikki warily floated towards her cookie stash. Hesitating, she turned back around, not ready to descend into her room and be baraged by her "fashion" collages, all heavily featuring the very blonde face she was trying hard not to think about at present.
Marinette wouldn't say she was surprised. Finally gathering the courage to tell Adrien how she felt, she had prepared herself for his rejection. He was kind, friendly to everyone, but distant. She could guess that after being a model for so long, he'd been hit on by more than his fair share of fangirls and was wary about romance. But then he started to open up, not to everyone, but within their group, and Marinette caught glimpses of his silly humour and protective nature. Seeing how the distance started to decrease between them, Marinette had started to let herself hope that maybe he wanted to know her the way she wanted to know him.
So, she'd taken a chance, all the while making sure it was very clear that she would hold nothing against him and wouldn't let this ruin their friendship.
At first, when he started to turn her down, she just smiled sadly. She had expected this answer, anticipated it even, but then he went on. Probably wanting to console her, Adrien hurried to explain his reasoning. It wasn't that he didn't like her, he apparently actually liked her a lot, but he was already in love with someone else. No matter how close he had been starting to feel to Marinette, his heart would always belong to one lady.
Ladybug.
Her.
Just not the her she wanted him to choose.
It was ridiculous, really. Marinette was Marinette, whether she was in a mask or out of it, and a part of her was flattered. Her crush liked her back! Loved her, apparently! It was honestly a cause for celebration, but she couldn't shake the feeling of rejection. She didn't think Adrien was just some infatuated to most civilians, he had actually spent quite a bit of time with her miraculous alter ego, but while she wouldn't disrespect him by claiming his feelings weren't real, she couldn't help but feel like they were directed towards an idealized version of her. He spent even more time with her as Marinette, and seemed content to just be friends. No matter what feelings he might have claimed were blossoming, somewhere in his mind he'd made the clear decision that he liked Ladybug more than Marinette, and she couldn't deny that it stung.
She loved being a superhero and saving Paris, but it was only one facet of her life. At the end of the day, what the public saw was only her heroic facade. Only she, and to a certain extent Chat, knew the truth behind Paris' savior. A normal teen behind the mask.
Marinette was the truth, and while as Ladybug no one knew her name, she was always the same person, and to have her alter ego chosen over her...well, it felt like someone saying they preferred the photoshopped version of her picture to the reality that was in front of them.
Marinette leaned on the balcony, rubbing her temples and trying not to let herself become angry over it. It wasn't Adrien's fault. He was sweet and kind and a good friend, and she knew he would never intentionally hurt her. He didn't know they were the same person, and expecting him to somehow recognize her no matter what facade she wore was far too much to ask.
She knew that, just like she knew on Monday she'd let it go. But right now, just for tonight, she was going to be self-indulgent and let herself be a little pissed that her hopes and dreams for some kind of romance were jilted by a boy's own glorified version of...herself.
While she wouldn't trade it for the world, the miraculous had a tendency of making her life complicated in ways she never could have imagined. She really should stop being surprised at this point.
Marinette laughed sardonically at that thought, brushing an errant tear from her eye as she head the soft thud of feet land a feet feet to her right. Turning, she caught the outline of a man in the darkened corner of the balcony, but didn't startle, instead smiling at the green eyes that peered at her as they dared to come closer.
"Hey, Chat," she turned from where she was leaning on the balcony to face him, moving to sink onto the cool terracotta floors of her balcony and pat the spot next to her. Chat walked over without a word, which was odd for her partner, but settled next to her easily, as he'd been doing for a while now. Marinette loved that he came to visit her for quiet moments like this. Battles were mayhem, and even patrols had a concentrated purpose. She didn't often get to see the quieter, calm side of her partner, and loved that he trusted Marinette with that visage, even though he didn't know she was Ladybug.
"You're quiet tonight," she remarked after a few moments and watched as Chat smiled uncertainly over at her.
"I heard about today," he admitted, and Marinette tried not to cringe. She'd often suspected that she and Chat's civilian-selves inhabited the same circles, but it left a bitter taste in her mouth that her getting rejected by Adrien had already become gossip. She'd assumed Adrien hadn't spread the word, but somehow it was already out there.
"Great," she closed her eyes and sighed. There went any hope of moving on like nothing had happened. There was no way things weren't going to be awkward between her and Adrien at school now.
"Are you mad at him?"
"No," Marinette responded after a moment, opening her eyes and staring at the cityscape through the railing of her balcony. "I'm...well, to be honest, I'm a little disappointed."
"That's understandable," Chat nodded, facing forward, but stealing glances at her from the corner of his eye, as if afraid she might break down at any moment. "You had hopes he would return your feelings, and he didn't."
"It's not that," she laughed at the twisted irony of it all. "Nothing could be farther from the truth actually. It's not that he doesn't love me, it's that he loves Ladybug. The perfect savior of Paris that everyone loves, but no one really knows."
She stood then, finally feeling tears start to threaten at the corner of her eyes, just when she thought she'd avoided it altogether. Marinette walked towards the other side of the small space and heard Chat stand behind her, reluctant to follow.
"Mari-" His voice was slightly uncomfortable, and she knew in her gut that he was about to defend Ladybug. He was a good friend and a good man, and she knew he must be warring with consoling Marinette and protecting Ladybug, but she had something to say and suddenly needed to get it out.
"It's just an act though. Or maybe, not an act, but only half of the truth. The world only sees half of who Ladybug truly is. And here, for over a year, I've been trying to get closer to Adrien, baring my heart to him and when I finally confess how I feel, it turns out he prefers the fantasy to the girl."
"That's not exactly fair," she heard Chat's voice sound from behind her and spun at the angry note she detected there.
"What's not fair?" She wiped in annoyance at her traitorous tears and tried not to let her anger at the convoluted situation color her words. "Saying he's in love with a fantasy? I'm sorry, Chat, but he is. Maybe Adrien has met her a handful more times than most, but he doesn't really know her. She barely even let's you know her."
"Yeah, well, you don't know her, and Mari, as much as I like you, I won't stand and let you disparage her name right in front of me just because you're angry at Adrien-
"I'm not angry at Adrien, I'm angry at Ladybug!" She shouted, finally letting out the frustration she'd been trying to puzzle out all night. "No, I'm angry at the perfection people seem to impose on her. Because , Chat, she's not perfect."
"Look, you don't-"
"She's not always sure. She doesn't always have the solutions. She just tries her best and hopes it all turns out okay. She's just lucky!"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Without the mask, she's really not all that miraculous."
"That's enough," Chat's low voice cut off her ramblings. "You don't know anything about her."
Marinette stared at the cold anger on her partner's face and her heart lurched. There was a fierce protectiveness there, and Marinette loved him for it.
"But, Kitty," she sighed, pushing past her reservations and dropping onto her lounge chair. "I do know. I know, that underneath the mask, she's just a normal girl, with normal fears and normal dreams. Just a girl who wants a boy to love her for her, and not some media-hyped persona."
"You don't know that he doesn't," Chat argued, sitting next to her. "He and she might know each other much better than you even realize."
"No, they don't."
"Mari, there's no way of knowing-"
"I'm Ladybug," Marinette turned to look at Chat, still blinking through her revelation. "I'm Ladybug, Chat. So please don't tell me he's in love with the real me, because this morning, Marinette Dupain-Cheng- the real, klutzy, passionate, awkward, loyal girl, all her pros and cons-walked up to Adrien Agreste and he told he he preferred the glorified version of who she was. "
"Princess-"
"And I'm not angry at him," she wiped at a few errant tears again, refusing to meet Chat's eyes lest her own start to downpour again. "Okay, I'm a little angry at him, but I don't blame him. I just wished he'd chosen the side of me that...isn't perfect."
Chat sat silently for a moment before she felt his hand grip hers.
"Do you think, maybe it's the same for him?"
She turned, looking up at her partner to find an unexpectedly vulnerable expression on his face. She pursed her lips, thinking how to respond, but he wasn't done.
"Don't you think that he's dealt with that too? People thinking they like him-thinking they know him-because they see his picture on every corner, and in every magazine, and they assume that public persona is who he actually is?" Chat dropped her hand, standing and walking around the small balcony in sudden agitation. "I mean, you said you've liked this boy for a year, and you've only known him that long. Are you sure you like the boy, or just the image in your fashion magazines?"
Marinette glanced over her shoulder, down through the skylight and into her room. Still adorning her walls were a plethora of pictures from the very magazines Chat just mentioned. More artfully arranged now than when he crush had first developed, and interspersed with actual photos of the two of them with their friends, but still enough to give her pause. She knew what Chat was getting at, and it was something she had wondered herself enough times to be absolutely sure of her conclusion. She hadn't felt anything for Adrien before she met him. Sure, he was a gorgeous fashion model, but he was just a face. Marinette had always been more enamored by the clothes on his body. Then she met him...and it definitely wasn't love at first sight.
"No," she answered, voice even and definite. "I didn't even like him at first. I thought he was stuck up and mean spirited, just like Chloe," she admitted with a smile and watched as Chat turned towards her tentatively. "But I was wrong."
"He's kind and generous. He stands up for what's right, even if it's in a more subtle way than I do. He sees people, and doesn't judge them on their first impression or mistake. He's one of the strongest people I've ever met, having his fair share of unfair circumstances, but never letting it harden him or dull his kindness towards others. And his laugh," Marinette felt her own face light up just thinking about the day he gave her his umbrella. "Well, his laugh can make you feel like the sun is shining bright, even on the rainiest of days."
"I guess Adrien is everything I'm not."
Marinette refocused on the world around her to find Chat crouched in front of her, and she immediately felt guilty. Here was her partner, her best friend who had not made a secret of his own feelings for her, and she was going off on rants about how much she loved another boy. But when she looked into his eyes, did didn't get the feeling that the sheen of tears there was from sadness. Marinette reached a hand up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing the edge of his mask where it curved over his cheekbone.
"No, Chat. You two are actually more similar than I ever realized, but don't you see? You say you love me, but you fell for the mysterious Ladybug. I know you know better now-we've spent far too much time together for you to have held onto that pretense of mystery for long-but it's the same with what you were just talking about. I love you, and you know a side of me no one else does, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid with you I'll always be Ladybug first. You like me as Marinette, I know that, but you're in love with Ladybug," she dropped her hand to his shoulder, breaking his gaze and looking back towards the horizon. "With Adrien-well, I thought it could be different. I thought maybe he could love Marinette, just un-miraculous me for who I am without the mask. But it seems I can't escape it."
Chat moved, seeming restless in the conversation, and settled next to her on the lounge again. She leaned into him, letting her head drop to his shoulder, falling into a familiar pose for them, just this time outside of her mask. It was more comforting than she'd anticipated, letting Chat know all of her, letting him in on the secret she'd tried so hard to hide from him.
"The miraculous is my escape," he admitted in a whisper. "I feel finally free when I'm in the mask...when I'm with you. Who I am as a civilian.. It's me, but only a side of it. My close friends are the only ones who really know me and even then...well, I'll always have this secret separating me from them. But you know what?"
"What?"
"The more I think about it, the more I think we were both wrong."
"Oh? And how's that?"
"Mask or no mask, you're still you, Marinette. Yes, I fell in love with you as Ladybug, but really what I was doing this whole time, was loving you, just under another name."
"Okay, Shakespeare-"
"No, I'm serious. Maybe I never saw it in you as Marinette because I was already so loyal to Ladybug, I would never let myself think that way about another person. But now that I know you're both one person," she felt his shoulder vibrate and glanced up at the smile on his face. "I can't believe I never saw it before."
"You can't believe you never suspected that the clumsy, stubborn civilian was actually your superheroine partner? Gee, me neither."
"I can't believe I never realized that my strong, loyal, clever partner was the same fearless and determined civilian that has helped me out of a jam more than once."
"Well, when you put it that way," she smiled and leaned her head back on his shoulder. "I am pretty great, aren't I?"
She felt his low laugh rumble in his chest and squeezed his hand back when he went to grab hers.
"And I really can't believe that because of this convoluted mess and all the assumptions we've both made about the other, today, when my brilliant partner walked up to me and asked me out, I was enough of a blind idiot to turn her down."
Marinette felt her body go rigid, her grasp on Chat's hand nearly dangerous in its strength.
"Because you're right," he continued, not even cringing under her grasp, but instead pulling her closer. "You are pretty great, Marinette. I've always thought so, whether I was Adrien or whether I was Chat."
She saw the flash of green as his transformation was released and felt his gloved hands become flesh underneath her fingertips.
"And if you give me the chance, I'm pretty sure I'll love you no matter what you call yourself or what you wear."
Marinette's breath hitched in her throat as his words washed over her. Minutes passed, but neither of them moved, as if afraid to break whatever spell stretched between them. She didn't turn to look at his face, to confirm everything he had already told her, and Chat-Adrien didn't rush her.
"Unless the name matters to you," he finally spoke again, seeming to become more and more unsure the longer she sat motionless next to him.
"I have Chat Noir pajamas," she admitted and finally let herself melt back into his side as she felt him laugh. "The issue has never been whether I loved you or not."
She paused a moment, before daring to look up at his face, her heart clenching to find Adrien staring down at her with the most hopeful expression she'd ever seen. Lifting a hand, she placed it against his cheek and smiled when he leaned into it. Always her kitty.
"Chaton," she whispered, finally seeing her partner in the boy she thought she knew so well. "We've both been a little bullheaded about all of this, haven't we?"
"So it doesn't bother you? That I'm Chat? That Chat is...me?"
Adrien's green eyes bore into her, no less resplendent without his miraculous, and Marinette felt at a loss for words. How could she describe to him that it made her love for him all the more potent?
"'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds'," she settled for simply, and was rewarded by his brilliant smile.
"Now who's Shakespeare?"
"'Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty'," she responded with a smirk and he rolled his eyes, but wasted no time. His lips descended on hers and she felt his arm wrap securely around her back as her hands balled into fists against his chest. When he finally pulled back, he had a smirk of his own.
"And you say my puns are bad."
Marinette's heart was still racing from that kiss but she forced herself to roll her eyes at him.
"Your puns are bad," she assured him as she got up from the lounge, smiling at him in hopes to distract from the way she wobbled on unsteady legs. If she had been a klutz before, kissing Adrien on a regular basis was only going to make her more of a mess. But then, that kiss had definitely been worth it.
"But my kissing isn't, apparently," Marinette roused herself from her reverie to see him leaning back on the lounge and grinning up at her, having apparently noticed her dazed expression.
Face flaming, she turned her back on him and fled to the sanctuary of her room.
"Goodnight, Adrien!" She yelled over her shoulder, halfway into her skylight,
"Until tomorrow, M'Lady!"
She turned to glare at him, only to be momentarily blinded by a flash of green before seeing Chat balanced on her railing, hand over heart.
"Take care of my heart, Purr-incess, for you hold it in your hands."
Then with a dramatic sigh, he vaulted off into the distance, Marinette's eyes watching him as he went. She couldn't stop the smile, because, though he disappeared, she knew, whatever he called himself, whatever mask he wore, that boy held her heart too.
And she wouldn't have it any other way.