iHi there! =) I've been working on this for about four years now and am in the process of converting it to novel form, but I'd like some feedback on the plot other than what I get from my friends. The novel actually starts twenty years or so before this, but... that's ok! I want to start my posts with this timeline.
Anyway, if you happen to see this, I'd appreciate it very much if you'd let me know if I should continue trying to work this into a real story or if I should just keep it in my closet and not torment anyone else with my amateur writing! Thanks so much. :) Hope you're having a spiffy day! /i
Renala was pacing the room like a caged tiger. She didn't know what the Council was going to do with her, and she didn't particularly care.
Her mind kept flashing back to her last mission. The negotiations had been easy for her and her Master, for the problems on the planet had not lain there. In reality, the Jedi were there to protect the leaders of both of the factions from the terrorists on either side.
The problems began, though, when her Master, Ni'Karyem, became ill, and due to the sickness, his abilities in the Force fell short. Renala took care of him as he rested in their quarters, and handled the negotiations as well. However, the multiple tasks distracted her and the terrorists decided it was time to strike and end the peace talks by taking the Jedi out of the picture.
They planted a bomb in the Jedi's quarters and it went off early in the night, when the girl was most preoccupied finishing the day's tasks. Master Ni'Karyem did not survive, but his Padawan did. She was openly devastated, being only an apprentice and having lost her only close tie in the galaxy.
A few days later, a transport arrived from Coruscant. With it came other Jedi to finish the mission, and a Healer to bring Renala back to the Temple.
She wasn't yet seventeen; she was far too young to even think about putting her on an independent study. Now, she waited in a medium-sized room, simply pacing. The Healers had declared her fine except for her recently constructed emotional walls. They warned the Council that after the death of her Master, whom she had been extremely close to, she now refused to let anyone in and had become rather violent about it.
The Council sat in their chambers, drinking their tea in an unofficial meeting to discuss what to do with this Renala Esharan. They ran through a list of available Knights and Masters, but after meditating on most of them, they decided that despite lightsaber prowess and status as Jedi, most would be unable to handle the child, let alone train her. They were about out of options, and were discussing the possibility of giving her over to Ki-Adi-Mundi.
"The Healers have warned us that she is in a fragile emotional state and any authoritative attempts could create a violent confrontation," Master Windu protested.
"I will straighten her out," Mundi affirmed.
"More difficult than you realize, that may be," Yoda offered.
"Is there anyone else?" Adi Gallia asked.
Several members of the Council shook their heads. Slowly, the conversation died and everyone calmly sipped their morning tea.
The doors to the Council Chambers slid open with a quiet swoosh, admitting a dark-skinned human, a woman with raven-colored hair splashed with pure white. She walked to the center of the Chambers without hesitation, and without waiting for them to recognize her, she spoke.
"I will take Renala Esharan as my Padawan Learner."
Silence reigned among the Council, with the small exception of Ki-Adi-Mundi choking on his tea. Masters Mace and Yoda looked at each other, the former raising an eyebrow as the latter thoughtfully twitched his ears. No one said anything aloud, and the woman merely waited for their reaction.
"Myerra..." Mace began carefully. He was only a few classes above the woman, and they had often practiced together. The Master knew how stubborn she could be, especially if she felt her actions were following the will of the Force.
"Master Shya'Pwa," Ki-Adi said with more force, "we have already considered who would be best able to take this troublesome girl as a Padawan..."
"Perhaps you have, Knight Mundi," she said as she turned her head to face him. Her soft alto voice was emotionless, and her feelings remained hidden although her opinion was obviously revealed. "But I have looked into the future..."
"And placed yourself there?"
Myerra paused, watching the Knight, a dangerous glitter to her indigo eyes. She might have said something in response, but Yoda cut in.
"Always in motion, the future is."
"That is true, Master," she said, turning back to the test at hand. "But one must also consider the girl's fate. She is on an emotional wire and is filled with anger. There is the danger that she could turn to the Dark Side without proper training. And who have you found that could train her? None have had the balance of control and gentleness that she requires..."
"And neither do you," Ki-Adi interrupted again.
"I believe I have that balance. I am the closest you will come to the required perfection. One can be neither too soft nor," Myerra looked to the Knight as she spoke, "too firm." She paused, letting her words sink into their minds. "And so I will take Renala Esharan as my Padawan."
The girl was still pacing the room when she heard the sound of data keys just outside. Someone was opening the lock. After a moment, the door opened and a woman that the girl didn't recognize stood quietly at the entrance.
The girl immediately knew her intentions, much like those of every other stranger that had walked into that room, and she fixed the woman with a blatantly mocking glare. "So you're going to train me, eh?" she asked tauntingly.
The woman nodded minutely, an aura of determination yet gentleness pervading her Force signature. She carefully met the eyes of the girl, facing the challenge levelly, and took a few steps forward.
Renala had been watching her warily, but at this movement she was blatantly alarmed. Very few Masters had ever had the courage to approach her, and certainly never with this level of confidence and determination. "Don't come near me!!" the girl shrieked in retaliation. Refusing to stand with even the limited distance between herself and this woman, she took a few steps backward quickly. She had a very strange feeling in her stomach that this time she was in way over her head.
Myerra stopped walking and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly, taking note of her fear that perhaps her friend Qui-gon had been right when he said that this girl was a handful more than she could manage, then pushing the notion aside. The child needed a steady arm to help her through the trial she was in, perhaps a hand to push her away from the wrong direction, and to Myerra, the only alternative was unthinkable. As it was, Renala, her Padawan, Myerra murmured to herself mentally, was a roil of pain and anger. If the Master was not careful, that suffering could easily meld into unbridled hatred.
The Master said nothing, but simply met her eyes. She had seen what Esharan had done to other Masters and Knights that had approached her after she had warned them. Some came away with little more than a bruise or two, but others... Master CalerrPha had used the physical Force on her, turning her upside-down to disorient her; his attempts failed miserably and the Healers worked on him for nearly a month and still only saved him from becoming one with the Force too soon by a hair's breadth.
But Myerra had something the others did not. The Force had called her to be this girl's Master, that was for certain. Because of that, a tenuous bond had already formed between the two, quite against Renala's will, that neither of them could ever have stopped. It was the beginning of the Master-Padawan bond, but only Myerra realized that. ...Perhaps she could use that to her advantage.
She reached out to the girl through that bond and sent soothing tendrils of calm to her. Consciously, the girl did her best to refuse them but this bond already gave Myerra a Master's power over her, and Renala's body instantly began to relax.
The younger Jedi put all her strength into shielding herself from this woman that had just walked into the room, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not fight the Force pulses flowing from the woman. She found her muscles easing up and a part of her mind relaxing and being comforted; these things simply made her all the more furious.
Renala's eyes flashed with rage and the closest thing any Jedi could ever come to pure hate, as she tried to regain control over her own body. Still, she could not, and she felt the calm that had overrun her body starting to work on her mind. The Padawan had never felt anything so terrifying before. The only one she had ever known that had the ability to calm her before had been her Master Ni'Karyem, but they had been so close that such a thing was easily understandable. Ni'K had been like a father; this strange woman was certainly no such thing, and yet here she was, doing exactly what only he had been able to do.
Renala continued to fight the woman with everything she had, but she soon realized that it was a losing battle. She had to get away, had to get away from this woman who was manipulating her so easily, before the tears that were stinging her eyes began to flow freely. She looked past her and realized that the door was still open. If she could get to it, she would be free. She didn't know where she would go, but anywhere had to be better than standing before that frighteningly determined woman.
She tried to move to take a step forward to it, but suddenly she found herself unable to move. It was as if she were paralyzed from the waist down, thought she knew such a thing was not possible. She looked up at the woman with a deathly venomous gaze but the woman simply met her stare with a stern look of conviction, and said, "Don't walk away from me, Padawan."
Renala felt herself become completely consumed with absolute rage and shrieked back, "I am not your Padawan!"
Myerra continued to look her in the eye and projected more calming pulses at the girl, worried that soon even her own fury was going to kill her. But still the Master would not back down. "Yes, you are, Renala."
The girl was breathing hard, both from anger and trying to resist the woman's inviting calm. She knew she wouldn't last much longer in this fight, but knew she had to win, and very soon. She gathered all the energy she had within her and drew everything she could from the Force, and pushed out with it. Every Master she had ever used the move on had been beaten off his feet and had the wind knocked out of him. But somehow, nothing happened to this woman before her.
The girl couldn't believe her eyes. The woman had counteracted the move unblinkingly, merely taking a step back into a stronger stance, and reaching out a hand. Her best move defeated so easily, the girl became desperate and used the physical Force to fling every object in the room at the woman at maximum velocity. Yet somehow the woman stopped every one.
The woman raised an eyebrow and said, "Having a hard time, are you? It's because you're not strong enough to be able to beat me; you're too untrained and you don't have the power..."
Don't have the power? Renala thought suddenly. She's right, I don't... The girl was desperate and she could feel an enormous source of power just outside her boundaries. She knew if she just reached out to it, it would flow into her and she'd be able to defeat the woman so easily...
She was just about to reach out and embrace it when suddenly she realized what it was, and she instantly pulled back into her side of the Force. But the Master had already sensed it.
As the Dark Side beckons... Myerra thought, waiting to see what the girl would do. But then she sensed that the girl had pulled back from it, had not given in. Yet still, she wasn't out of the temptation just yet... It was Myerra's job to keep pushing her until she was.
"Go ahead, Renala," the Master said. "It's the only way out of here, away from here. The only way to keep from being trained by me is to turn. You know you want to, so just do it."
The woman's words sounded all too true to the girl, and she knew she was right. There was no other way to defeat this woman without turning to the Dark Side. The young Jedi took a deep, trembling breath, thinking. She wants me to turn, doesn't she... Why should I do what she wants me to? I don't want to do anything she wants me to do!! And what about Master Ni'Karyem; he'd have been so heartbroken if he were here to see me turn... How could I do that to him? Why would I do that to him?
The young Jedi scowled at the woman before her, the tears in her eyes no longer there for fear of the woman, but for the fear that she had come so close to turning. Despite those shining tears, her eyes were hard. "I won't do it, b**ch. I won't turn."
The woman's eyebrows went up at the language and the promise, and she replied, "You're so sure? Prove it."
Renala scowled in surprise at this "What do you mean, prove it??"
"I mean I don't think you won't." The woman crossed her arms, looking very challenging. "I think you're just saying that to get out. You don't want to be here any more than you want me to train you. You won't ever be a Jedi, you'll turn."
Renala found herself completely on the defensive and she screamed back, "That's not true; you're lying! Get away from me, you liar!!" She tried to move, to run away, but the woman still had her legs paralyzed.
Instead of moving away from her as the girl asked, Myerra took a few steps forward, terrifically intimidatingly. "Am I? Are you so sure, Renala? Look inside yourself and tell me that. Prove it."
The girl's jaw was set firmly in place as she fought to keep from sobbing. Still, her chest hitched and a few drops of sorrow leaked from her magnificent green eyes, yet her voice was filled with venom as she replied. "My Master died because I failed him. I'll not do it again! I will not turn!! And no matter how much you try to make you, you will not succeed, you Sith!"
Myerra actually laughed at the accusation, and with the relief that the girl had successfully been pushed away from the Dark Side. She dropped the Force binds that had been keeping the girl from being able to move, watching carefully as the girl suddenly swayed from exhaustion without the bonds, but spoke. "I'm hardly a Sith. And I am not trying to make you turn. I have, you've noticed, managed quite the opposite?" She smiled at the girl for a moment before she continued. "But if you want to carry through with what you have begun with your old Master, who was a good man, and a good friend, you will need to finish your training." Myerra paused as she judged the girl's reaction and turned slightly, beginning to walk toward the door, but then she turned back to Renala. "You must be hungry. Why don't we go have some dinner..."
The girl looked at her nervously, no longer angry but still afraid. "First tell me what you mean, a good friend. If my Master trusted you... perhaps I can too."
Myerra smiled but her eyes seemed suddenly sad. "I mean what I said, a good friend. We've saved each other's lives, and more than once. I'll tell you about it over dinner."
The girl sighed very shakily, trying to swallow against the giant lump that had formed in her throat, the tears twice as threatening as they had been before with the thoughts of her late Master. But she nodded, and began to walk toward the woman and then out the door.
Myerra smiled, walking slowly next to the girl down the corridor that followed. She knew that she would not have an easy time training the girl, but at least this was a start. And that was good enough for now.