My heart was racing as I stared up at the bedroom ceiling. I couldn't tell if I had had a nightmare. I just felt my ragged breathing and the cold sweat that had misted my skin. I looked out the window and saw nothing but a dark sky. I turned to look for Al but he wasn't in the room. I sat up. I felt my automail arm, the metal cool against my flushed skin. I heard the clinking of metal outside and then Al's voice saying desperately, "Oh come back kitty!"
I chuckled to myself. Now that Al couldn't sleep he had to entertain himself at night. If he didn't, his mind would go to dark places. Thinking about Al's condition brought on a wave of guilt. I know he doesn't want me to feel guilt, but I can't help but feel like everything was my fault. I was the older brother. I should've been the one to protect him. I should've been the one who he could trust. I was mad at myself.
"Damn it!" I yelled smacking my fist into the wall.
I probably shouldn't have yelled, I'd wake Winry or Pinako, or worse Al would hear me and come find me. I couldn't lie to my brother. He would know right away what I was feeling and then be mad that I was thinking this way again. I threw off the covers and moved over to the window. I pushed it open to let the breeze in. The wind blew through my hair as it fell around my shoulders. I waited for it to clear my mind, to blow away all remnants of emotion. I took a deep breath. These nights had to stop. Nights where I woke up, unsure why, and then falling into a fit of depression, only to barely patch myself back together in time for the morning to arrive.
I heard a creak behind me and didn't bother turning around. Footsteps quietly padded across the room and stopped behind me. Two pale arms snaked around my waist and locked themselves there. I placed my left hand over the ones around my mid-section intertwining my fingers with the ones there. I knew I shouldn't have yelled. Winry never said a word. I never said a word. It was just blissful silence. After a few minutes I knew I was being selfish, keeping her here.
"You should go back to bed," I whispered to her.
"Are you?" she asked.
"I don't know," I answered honestly.
"You should try," she whispered.
She unwound her arms from my torso and pulled me back to my bed. I sat on the edge of it, the springs creaking slightly underneath me. I kept her hand in mine and place the back of it on my cheek. I closed my eyes as her other hand ran through my hair in a relaxing motion. One of the things I loved about Winry was that she knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and at times like this when not to say anything at all. She knew not to ask why I was awake or if I was ok. If she did, I would lie to her and she would be angry with me.
I pulled her onto my lap gently, her legs straddling my waist, my arms around her to keep her from falling. I thought she would protest but all she did was widen her eyes in surprise. After a moment I leaned my head on her shoulder, gently kissing the exposed skin there. I was waiting for a wrench to the head but it never came. Just her fingers dancing along the skin of my back.
"Stay with me?" I mumbled quietly.
It had been so long since I felt such gentle touches from someone who I knew cared for me, I didn't want it to end. I wanted to keep her here forever. I glanced at the clock. 2:15 a.m. Well, at least for a couple hours. After another deafening moment of silence, Winry quietly whispered,
"Ok."