Inspired by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE and The Fly (1986) by David Cronenberg

3 months after the Cooper vault incident life was going back to normal with the Cooper gang. Bentley was downstairs working on a machine that would allow him to go to places with having to wheel himself there. He called it the Tele-Turtle 6000.

"Ah-ha! This teleportation device is going to work phenomenally! No more hovering to the toilet!" said the excited turtle.

In one of the Tele-Turtles was Sly the racoon sitting in there naked.

"Save your ego Bentley, we haven't even started. Is is really necessary to take off my clothes?"

"That's because we can afford to let anything organic or inorganic fused with you during the incineration-integration process! You could end up looking like you have metal and cotton sticking out of you from all sides!"

"Let's hope I don't get turned inside out like the you did to the tomato plant. Just hurry it up I'm freezing my ass off in here!"

"Okay, hold on a second it's starting up." He said as he looked at the computer panel that showed the percentage of the teleportation loading process as well as Sly's body weight, physical structure and chemical levels.

1x specimen- Procyon lotorready for incineration-integration.

Launch?

The Tele-turtle began flashing lights and beeping sounds were going off. The door to the first Tele-turtle automatically closed with Sly inside it. The Tele-turtle was at 50% when the power choked out.

"Drats! Low on jolt again! Wait here Sly, I'm going to grab another battery." Bentley sped off in his modified wheelchair upstairs.

"Take your time, I guess."

A minute later through the glass door he saw a white light coming from around the corner, out stepped in a female officer with a shock pistol and a search warrant. It was Carmelita Fox!

"Come on out ringtail! You're gonna get zapped anyway!"

"Oh no! Miss Fox is here! And I'm trapped!"

Carmelita venture into the basement further towards the Turtle-pods. She was instructed not to explore any unventured areas but the control panel got her attention.

"What is that thing? It looks suspicious."

She walked towards the computer Sly panicked and began hollering at her but his pleas muffled by the glass. So he kicked it to draw her attention which worked. The light shined upon his nude frame, and Carmelita gasped.

"Sly Cooper, I should've figured you would be hiding here you filthy hog. You are under arrest! Now do not resist and get your naked racoon tush out of that metal box now!"

"Sorry but I can't hear you!."

Carmelita then shot the electrical cord with her shock pistol, short circuiting the Tele-turtles and forcing the door to open.

"Now you can hear me! Get out here now and put some clothes on!"

"Make me!"

Carm grabbed him by the tail and began dragging him out of their while he held on for dear life. Eventually his iron grip on the handle caused her to fly into the Tele-turtle with him, and to both of their shock, the door closed on them.

"What did you just do!?"

"You just screwed up my friend's tele-pooper machine! Now we're both gonna get fused!"

Meanwhile Bentley wheeled himself back downstairs and to his surprise the Tele-turtle were working again.

"Good! That bathroom run was pointless! Sly I'm starting it up!"

Bentley launched the Teleportation process while inside the first Tele-turtle were two occupants screaming and thrashing. The first Tele-turtle lit up, but the computer panel began freaking out in red color.

*Warning! Two separate specimens have entered Tele-Turtle 1*

1x Procyon lotor

1x Vulpes vulpes

Fusing both subjects may result in severe and or fatal mutation results! Use the cancellation button to end the fusion!

"What? Did another lifeform enter the pod?" Bentley moved over to Tele-turtle 1 and he saw poor Sly and his cop girlfriend Carmelita trapped in there!

"What is all going on here!? What is Carmelita doing here is the first place? And how did she get inside of there with Sly? I gotta stop this before my best friend gets turned into a pile of tumors!"

Bentley rushed to the computer panel and flipped the switch underneath but it was out of order!

"WHAT? Out of order?! Nothing works in the first place!" The Tele-turtle flicked and hummed louder and louder as it neared 50%.

"SLY YOU IDIOT RINGTAIL! I TRAPPED INSIDE A TIGHT GLASS CONE WITH YOU AGAIN AND NAKED! I'M GONNA CLAW YOU LIKE A CUTTING BOARD YOU FILTHY CRIMINAL!"

"Hey at least I get to die under my favorite police woman!"

As Carm was shredding Sly to pieces Bentley was trying to shut down the Tele-turtle when it reached 100%, and the lab rats inside the first Tele-turtle were silenced in a big white flash.

"Oh no! What have I done!?"

The computer calculated the fusion process of the two over to Tele-turtle 2.

*Fusing specimens 1 & 2*

Error- Physical structures incompatible, alter-processing initiating.

Murray the fat hippo who was eating a ice cream cone without a shirt came down stairs.

"Hey Bentley what did I miss?"

Bentley was too shell shocked and couldn't move.

"Murray I fucked up big time!

Tele-turtle 2's door opened and out came steam and smoke.

*Fusion of thingus raccamicgucas complete*

A extremely fucked up abomination of Sly Cooper and Carmelita fell out of Tele-turtle 2 and was screaming in unimaginable agony, bones and charred fleshed exposed, back-to-back.

"WHAT THE FUCKED HAPPENED TO ME!"

"OH MY GOD! CARM'S TORSO IS COMING OUT OF MY ASS!"

"Holy cow! Look at that hideous thing! Sly's tail is hanging out of Carmelita's eyeball!"

"KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

The ugly Fox-coon hybrid began bouncing around Bentley's lab, knocking over furniture and breaking glass beakers all while clawing at each other making hiccup noises. Bentley grabbed his dart gun and was pumping the creature full of sleep darts but it only made it mad. It pounced on Bentley and he fell from his wheelchair, staring into the red eyes of the mutant as foam leaked from both it's mouths. (or asses if you wanna call it)

"Murray… help!"

This triggered a flashback for Murray. "Bentley! I'll save you!"

Murray grabbed a lead pipe and whacked the mutant Fox-coon right as it was about to tear Bentley's shell in half. The Fox-coon crawled away in pain like a spider and when it was cornered to a wall, he raised the pipe above the creature and said "I'm sorry Sly!" before Murray beat it to death while crying at the same time.

"I'll miss you buddy!"

There was a sad moment of silence until the carass began to shift again.

"That thing is still moving!" said Bentley.

A large sac fell out of the dead Fox-coon and hatched. It was a baby Racoon but with fox like features and stripes.

"I guessed Sly must of banged Inspector Fox! It's so cute! Can we keep it?"

"You know what they say: Life finds a way!" (insert TF2 theme outro)