A/N: Only my second posting outside of ER, and I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't yet seen the end of the series, and so this is based purely on speculation (and an internet script).
Sleep
She needed it.
Dammit, she wanted it.
But every time her eyes so much as closed, the pain she'd kept beneath the surface became real. It bit into her and she sprang awake again, not yet strong enough to face it.
To be honest, she wasn't sure she'd ever be strong enough.
How many times had she looked into the abyss? How many times had she stood on the edge and not felt fear? Fear was weakness, and she wasn't allowed to be weak.
As often as she had stared into the abyss, taunting death, it had stared back into her. It had exposed a dark side to her. The side that feared, the side that doubted, the side that hated her life.
Hated the life she no longer had to lead.
She wasn't the only one. The responsibility, the world, no longer lay at her feet. The power had dissipated from her, and left her only the side she feared.
How often had she wiped blood from her hands and wished for a normal life? And now she had that oppurtunity, she felt lost.
Lost in everything she had lost. Lose in everything her friends had lost because of her. There was no love true enough to cope with that. It would take a saint to forgive her sins, and saints were in short supply.
Sleep. Peace.
Yeah, that sounded pretty good.
Sleep
She needed it.
Dammit, she wanted it.
But every time her eyes so much as closed, the pain she'd kept beneath the surface became real. It bit into her and she sprang awake again, not yet strong enough to face it.
To be honest, she wasn't sure she'd ever be strong enough.
How many times had she looked into the abyss? How many times had she stood on the edge and not felt fear? Fear was weakness, and she wasn't allowed to be weak.
As often as she had stared into the abyss, taunting death, it had stared back into her. It had exposed a dark side to her. The side that feared, the side that doubted, the side that hated her life.
Hated the life she no longer had to lead.
She wasn't the only one. The responsibility, the world, no longer lay at her feet. The power had dissipated from her, and left her only the side she feared.
How often had she wiped blood from her hands and wished for a normal life? And now she had that oppurtunity, she felt lost.
Lost in everything she had lost. Lose in everything her friends had lost because of her. There was no love true enough to cope with that. It would take a saint to forgive her sins, and saints were in short supply.
Sleep. Peace.
Yeah, that sounded pretty good.