Somewhere in the Sumerian desert…
An older man and his archaeological team is digging feverishly in the sand. One of the black workers finds something.
"Is that what I think it is? Yes…I've finally found it!" shouts the man. In his hand is a small golden pyramid-like artifact….The first piece of the Triforce.
Cut to Modern Day New York
"I've got to find the Ancient Triforce before Dr. Robert Ganon can get a hold of it! He'll use its supposed time travel properties for evil!" shouts intrepid adventurer Dr. David Link.
Flash to Dr. Ganon(the old dude from before) putting the piece into his state-of-the-art energy accelerator, which transports him to…
2376 New York City, where Medieval European ways have taken over modern society!
"Yes, I will be able to build an evil empire quite nicely here, with all my high tech sophisticated equipment!"
Flash to David's bedroom, where a sudden flash wakes him up. Suddenly a hot blonde chick is in front of him.
"Link…you are the only hope…come with me!"
Cut to a scene with the hot chick in a bathtub and David standing half naked next to her.
"So, let me get this straight, I'm the incarnation of the Hero of Time? Well, I guess it's time to kick some ass!"
Massive poorly CGI battle scenes occur featuring giant lasers, monstrous rocket launchers, otherworldly beasts and a topless Brazilian dancer.
Announcer voice: From Director Uwe Boll and producer Michael Bay, featuring Ron Perlman as David Link, Lance Henrickson as Dr. Robert Ganon, Sharon Stone as Princess Zelda Thomas, Andy Dick as the mysterious Mr. Tingle, and the rotten corpse of Chris Farley as Dar Runia. This summer, action gets a new pair of green tights!
The Legend of Zelda
June 16