Disclaimer: I do not own ccs

Summary: Syaoran tells in his perspective what let to the led to the downfall of a love that seemed promising. From stupid fights to unspoken words that eventually contributed. –I suck; don't know how to put it.

SERPERATE HEARTS

Talking in bed ought to be the easiest, but how can I talk to her when she seems an eternity away. She lies motionless in the same bed but barely next to me. She insured that our bodies did not touch, the way they once did, she insured she had her back turned on me so I could not see if she was sleeping or awake. I sat still and looked at this woman I lost all understanding of. I never promised her moonlight and roses—I promised her love and a shoulder to cry on. Apparently that wasn't enough to keep the flame burning.

I wanted to talk to her, tell her we were falling apart and there had to be a way of fixing the cracks in what was once a solid relationship. I was afraid to tell her, every word that was exchanged between us only grinded a raw wound. We convinced ourselves that we were still going strong, that it was only a phase.

Our relationship became very predictable. Every morning she'd sleep in, almost as though she did not want to see my face. Without telling her, I'd leave for work. It was not the way it used to be when she woke up early to make breakfast for me or help me with my tie.

In the evening I'd catch her sitting in front of the TV, she slightly turn around "Hi honey, how was work?"

I'd give her a pensive smile "It was alright."

She'd avert her gaze to the television then say nothing more. Sometimes I'd join her, rest my head freely on her lap.

"Syaoran, I can't concentrate if you keep talking." She said every time I uttered a simple word.

Other times I'd take her foot and tickle her toes just like I used to.

"Will you quit that?" she said not even looking at me.

"Why?"

She'd shrug and softly say "It tickles, I'm not in the mood for it."

I'd kiss her foot and she would act like I committed a crime "That's just childish." She snorted.

Dinner ought to be a better time to talk, but most of the time she would grab a book and say "I'm on a veggie diet." She'd take a carrot from the fridge then head out.

"You eat like a rabbit!" I complained.

She looked down at my food then made a face "You eat like a pig."

I didn't understand, she was beautiful and graceful, she was perfect. I loved everything about her body…though I must be honest; I'm partly to blame for her insecurity. I made a simple mistake.

One morning she was standing in front of the mirror, I was sitting on the bed reading the latest sports magazine.

"Syaoran, am I fat?"

I wasn't listening; when I looked up she had a serious look on her face.

"Well?" she shrugged.

One of my eyebrows automatically rose; I figured she was asking me if I found her attractive for she had asked me that several times in the past.

"Of course you are." I told her "I always thought you were."

She looked at me teary eyed, the next thing I knew she was rushing to the bathroom to check her weight on the scale.

"I can't believe you just said that." She told me "You can be so insensitive."

I later understood what I did wrong, I tried to tell her I didn't mean it, but she was not convinced.

Things got worse from then on; the kisses we shared were as useful as the sheets we lay on, nothing but cover-ups. Most of the time she wouldn't let me touch the parts of her body I loved the most. In my attempt to be romantic and get her in the mood for a night of passion, I'd sneak my arm under her shirt and cup her breast.

"This is not the time." She said, or "I'm on my period, get over it."

Then I'd say "I thought you stopped last week."

She would then sigh "They are some things about women that men weren't meant to understand."

I'd roll my eyes.

"That is one of them."

"So what am suppose to do now?" it was a stupid question and I never understood why I asked her.

She grinned "I don't know use your imagination."

She was in control of what happened in the bedroom but that was just as meaningless as everything else we did. She only wanted me when we fought; it was probably her way of easing her anger. I didn't mind, it was more aggressive than it used to be. I loved the physical part of it but it seemed like they were no real emotions involved.

She probably thought as long as we're still making love…sorry let me rephrase that, there was no love in what we did—we just 'made'. Like I was saying, as long as we were 'making' we were still together and we had to stay together.

After that she would fall asleep on the other side of the bed. She was not half as annoying as she used to be when our relationship was still fresh.

"Syaoran, please give me a massage."

I'd look at her from the corner of my eye "Sakura, I'm exhausted."

She'd come closer to me and put her hand on my chest "Don't be so lazy, it's not like we were running a marathon."

I'd look at her and sigh "I'll give you a massage in an hour."

She'd pout "Alright fine."

Suddenly I would automatically get up and give her a massage. Other times she would stare at me while I sleep or run her fingers through my hair.

I'd open one of my eyes "Sakura, when are you finally going to stop staring at me and go to sleep?"

"When the sun kisses the sky." She said playfully.

At a certain point we argued about everything from…

"Why do you always have to leave the toilet seat up, you have four sisters for heavens sake. It should be basic instinct to you."

To…

"You see Sakura! Now we're going to be late for the party. Must you take long to get dressed?"

"There are some things about women men were not meant to understand."

There was a time when she locked the bedroom door and I had to sleep on the couch. It all started at a party our friends' were hosting. The minute I turn my back, James Tsuda—the big jerk at the office who thinks he's God's gift to women, approaches my girlfriend.

Sakura, being the woman she is, falls into his trap, laughs at his stupid jokes and lets him grab her shoulders. I had too much to drink so my behavior soon after that is perfectly understandable.

"What's so funny?" I asked with a foolish grin on my face.

"I was just telling the gorgeous lady a joke." James laughed "Four women are sitting down; one goes to the bathroom…"

"I've already heard that one." I interrupted pulling Sakura close to me.

"You're so funny." Sakura had that naïve look on her face "Syaoran, why didn't you tell me you worked with such nice people."

"James here isn't nice and he can't tell jokes sweetheart, he can't even get any of the work done. The only thing he can do is sexually harass women."

James and I clearly fought after that; Sakura yelled at me and called me 'jealous'. I denied it at first but later told her that it was not my fault that I wanted her to myself.

"You don't own me!" she yelled aggressively.

"Yes I do!"—unfortunately I was sober when I told her this.

When we finally spoke about it—like normal adults she said "I know I should forget about it, but I can't."

I overheard her tell Tomoyo, her friend, how overprotective I was and how she can't do what she wants because she's afraid of the way I'd act.

"It's his behavior that really gets to me." I remember her exact words "He's changed, he used to so romantic now he thinks stroking my breast is romantic."

I never came around to confronting her about it but it hurt.

One evening I walked into the bathroom; she was in the tub covered in bubble. She glared at me.

"Chiharu is having this girl's night out thing."

"So?" I told her brushing my teeth.

"I don't care what you say, I'm going." She said.

I cleaned up "Fine! Go ahead and have fun! Flirt with whoever you like, I don't give a damn. You just like the attention you get from other men. You want to hurt me because you know how it makes me feel."

"Bullshit, now I can't have fun with my friends? Does everything have to be about you Syaoran? What about me? You can't tell me you've never flirted with another woman while we were together, when I first met you, you had tons of girlfriends."

"I've never flirted nonetheless looked at a woman other than you since the first day I saw you! I thought you'd be a little more respectful and consider how it makes me feel."

"I want to be with my friends!"

I looked at her "Why don't you move in with them!"

"I will you bastard."

Of course she didn't move out, we ended up 'making'—all I can tell is my body was painful for 2 days. In the morning she took a shower and went to her friends' house.

Now here we were, lying next to each other. Suddenly she moved. She sat up and pulled the sheets to cover her body. I barely saw her face. She took a shower and got dressed in front of me, she said nothing.

"Sakura, we need to talk about this." I told her sitting at the edge of the bed in my boxer shorts.

"Talk about what?" she acted surprised.

"There is nothing to talk about, I love you and you love me right?"

I gave her a frequent node and swallowed hard "Yeah."

The tone in her voice strangled me. How much of that did we really mean anyway? I wondered if she remembered the way it felt when we first touched, when we first kissed or the first time we said those words to each other. I remembered everything.

Moving in together was a big mistake, we thought we were ready for it since we had been together for two years but it was obvious that it was too much for us.

She gave me a quick kiss and walked out of the door.

I thought about it all day. I did love this woman, she drove me to insanity. She was the reason behind my possessive behavior. Without her my life would be worthless. I loved the way she irritated me, I love the way she'd make me wait, I loved the way she would constantly annoy me until I gave her massage. I was ready to take the next step in our relationship. There was nothing that couldn't be fixed.

I rushed to the jewelry shop and got her a beautiful engagement ring with a pink diamond in the middle. It was made for her just as she was made for me. I got her pink roses and rushed to the apartment before she could.

When I got there, I noticed that some things were different. The pink vase on the coffee table was gone. The kitchen looked empty; half of the things had disappeared. I rushed to the bedroom; the bed had been stripped. I opened the wardrobe, her clothes were gone, her shoes, her make up. It was like she was never there.

Suddenly I saw a note on the bedside table. It was on white paper written in blue ink. Some of the ink had smudged; I reckoned that she had been crying while writing it. I held my breath as I read it…

Dear Syaoran,

I was too afraid to confess it but this thing between us isn't working. I'm moving back with my father for now, don't come back for me. I wish we could stay friends but I don't think that will be possible. I do love you Syaoran, but I can't take this much longer. All I wanted was for us to soon get married. There, I said it; I know how much that word terrified you. I don't think you feel the same way—I'm tired of waiting. Now I'm ready to move on with my life and I think you should do the same. Letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Sakura.

P.S, my therapist said it would be good for the both of us.

……………………

A/N: Reviews would be great; I just hope u enjoyed it. I thought I'd finally write something just for the fun of it and I wanted to try something new. If the reviews are good enough I will write a sequel in Sakura's perspective. BYE!!!