I own nobody, or nothing. I am over it and will not give the people who
cause me to do this the joy of hearing me whine!!! This just goes through
the whole story I am so getting tried of repeating this
I didn't want to be here.
So many memories of happy times that should have been but never came true.
So Many sad times that had taken there place.
I would have given my life to by anywhere else in the world.
My life here had been less than pleasant and anyone who knew me knew I
never wanted to come back.
But here I was sitting in a car with my Brother Chris and Best friend Joey,
Going toward a town I only wanted to forget.
But I couldn't forget,
No matter how hard I tried the memories flooded back.
Always when I couldn't stand them.
Always at night.
Always when I was alone.
I hardly ever slept because of them.
I always had to be doing something else,
Always have someone near me.
But when I did fall asleep
that's when they came.
This time as nightmares.
I could never wake up.
The dreams seemed to last for hours.
But when I did wake up that was the worst.
"We're here Emerald"
Joey whispered.
I stared at the old house that was to be our new home.
It was surrounded by houses as old and beat up as ours- or I should say my
brother's car.
"It's ok Andi"
My older brother said squeezing my hand.
It wasn't ok.
It would never be ok
Ever.
"Come on lets get settled in"
"Chris?"
I asked
"I'm Going for a walk ok?"
Not waiting for an answer
I got out of the car
and started running.
I ran until I couldn't see the house
Or the car
Or My Brother and Joey.
Than I sank to the ground
And cried.
I was lost.
I admit it.
I guess it best to start at the beginning.
My Names Andrea Marie Angelica Angel.
Every body calls me Andi though.
Or Emerald .
Hardly anyone calls me that anymore,
Not since he died.
They know how much it hurts me.
Really Joey-
his younger brother is the only one
who calls me that.
He's the only one I'll let call me that.
I sighed and sat down on the edge of the fountain
I stared at the reflection that was looking at me.
I had changed so much
over the six years since
I'd been back.
My long curly red hair
had gone short and blonde.
Than I finally let it grow long again but this time
It was black.
My green eyes.
Once so soft, laughing, and
Carefree,
Were now hard and cruel.
I had been told once that my eyes were like windows,
That you could see every thought and
feeling in my mind and heart.
But now all that you saw was hate.
Hate for every one and every thing.
But mostly my self.
For letting it happen.
For letting him get hurt.
I knew it wasn't my fault,
But I feel like I'm as responsible for his death as
the one who pulled the trigger.
Maybe if his parents hadn't had that fight
And he hadn't run out.
If I had noticed how up set he was
Maybe I would have let him stay at my place
Like I had done so many times before
But I was busy with my own problems.
My dad had just walked out for the third time
This time with my
babysitter and
my brother
And this time
I knew he wasn't coming back.
So Alex left.
And he never came back either.
Nobody expect
the one's who shot him knew what happened
and nobody really tried to find out.
He was a run away
A nobody with no friends
Or family.
Most likely a druggie or
Problem child.
Suddenly I was jerked from
My thoughts when a hand
came down on my shoulder.
cause me to do this the joy of hearing me whine!!! This just goes through
the whole story I am so getting tried of repeating this
I didn't want to be here.
So many memories of happy times that should have been but never came true.
So Many sad times that had taken there place.
I would have given my life to by anywhere else in the world.
My life here had been less than pleasant and anyone who knew me knew I
never wanted to come back.
But here I was sitting in a car with my Brother Chris and Best friend Joey,
Going toward a town I only wanted to forget.
But I couldn't forget,
No matter how hard I tried the memories flooded back.
Always when I couldn't stand them.
Always at night.
Always when I was alone.
I hardly ever slept because of them.
I always had to be doing something else,
Always have someone near me.
But when I did fall asleep
that's when they came.
This time as nightmares.
I could never wake up.
The dreams seemed to last for hours.
But when I did wake up that was the worst.
"We're here Emerald"
Joey whispered.
I stared at the old house that was to be our new home.
It was surrounded by houses as old and beat up as ours- or I should say my
brother's car.
"It's ok Andi"
My older brother said squeezing my hand.
It wasn't ok.
It would never be ok
Ever.
"Come on lets get settled in"
"Chris?"
I asked
"I'm Going for a walk ok?"
Not waiting for an answer
I got out of the car
and started running.
I ran until I couldn't see the house
Or the car
Or My Brother and Joey.
Than I sank to the ground
And cried.
I was lost.
I admit it.
I guess it best to start at the beginning.
My Names Andrea Marie Angelica Angel.
Every body calls me Andi though.
Or Emerald .
Hardly anyone calls me that anymore,
Not since he died.
They know how much it hurts me.
Really Joey-
his younger brother is the only one
who calls me that.
He's the only one I'll let call me that.
I sighed and sat down on the edge of the fountain
I stared at the reflection that was looking at me.
I had changed so much
over the six years since
I'd been back.
My long curly red hair
had gone short and blonde.
Than I finally let it grow long again but this time
It was black.
My green eyes.
Once so soft, laughing, and
Carefree,
Were now hard and cruel.
I had been told once that my eyes were like windows,
That you could see every thought and
feeling in my mind and heart.
But now all that you saw was hate.
Hate for every one and every thing.
But mostly my self.
For letting it happen.
For letting him get hurt.
I knew it wasn't my fault,
But I feel like I'm as responsible for his death as
the one who pulled the trigger.
Maybe if his parents hadn't had that fight
And he hadn't run out.
If I had noticed how up set he was
Maybe I would have let him stay at my place
Like I had done so many times before
But I was busy with my own problems.
My dad had just walked out for the third time
This time with my
babysitter and
my brother
And this time
I knew he wasn't coming back.
So Alex left.
And he never came back either.
Nobody expect
the one's who shot him knew what happened
and nobody really tried to find out.
He was a run away
A nobody with no friends
Or family.
Most likely a druggie or
Problem child.
Suddenly I was jerked from
My thoughts when a hand
came down on my shoulder.