Weep Blood
Spoilers: Takes place after LDYB Pt 2
Rating: K
Dee knew they were frakked up. All of them. The Admiral, Starbuck, Anders, Lee and herself. They were messed up in the heart. They nursed their wounds like children and cuddled their own blood.
There was a wound in all of them that for the last year had festered and become infected, at least in Lee and herself. Sometimes, she wondered if they were just together because of routine. But no, she knew in her heart that as wounded as Apollo was, he still loved her.
And he was wounded. The shoulder wound healed, but something happened to his heart that he refused tell her; something that caused it to bleed profusely.
She knew that even after a year, it wept blood.
Loving Lee in a thousand different ways it was hard to watch the blood flow from it, but he refused to let it scab and heal and refused to let her do it for him.
She wondered why he wanted the pain.
After Starbuck's marriage, she wondered at part of the reason. Dee wondered if something had been said between them, but he wouldn't say. Wouldn't talk about whatever had ripped him into a bloody pulp.
The Admiral had looked at her in askance when she had inquired about Starbuck and Apollo. He hadn't known. Hadn't wanted to know. He was happy for his daughter, happy for her marriage.
She wondered if that's how it was with his younger son. He had been proud of Lee, happy for Zak, but unwilling to be the other for their sakes.
So she watched Lee disintegrate and held him together with a thousand different loves. Lover, sister, friend, and Lieutenant, she was his everything and she wondered if that was as sad to him as it was to her. He had no one else. He had always been the outsider to most of the Galactica crew, had been the outsider here on the Pegasus. His friends, or companions had been the first to go down to the planet, had followed Starbuck quickly enough, left him alone with a ghost ship to run and no one to confide in, until she had come aboard, his trusty LT.
She wondered as she held him at night, did he like his infected heart?
When she saw him take the phone call from Starbuck, she knew his heart was held together with pain and bitterness. Knew that what had been healing before New Caprica was broken again. She wondered if she'd ever be the one to help him fix it.
And then she watched as his heart was broken by duty. The duty to run away so they could come back and liberate their friends.
His heart wouldn't be healed unless they could be whole again. A whole fleet, a whole family, a ship, shipmates, friends, all together again. Until he could finish his conversation with Starbuck and forgive himself or her, and until he could let go, his wound would weep blood.
Yeah, so I found all kinds of fic hiding on my hard drive. Hope you like. :-)