Author's Note: I just randomly thought of this. It's not the kind of thing I usually write, but maybe some people will still like it. Who knows? I guess this is a kind of metaphorical thing. I hope I'm not copying off of someone else, because sometimes I read things and forget that I read them and come up with an idea later only to realize that it was used before. Cross your fingers that this isn't true!
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I just don't. I wish I didn't have to write that. It breaks my heart every time. Just kidding. I don't really care.
Out of Time
As soon as I told Clare about Julia, a timer was set. Neither she nor I knew when that timer would go off, but I think we both knew subconsciously that it was there. I didn't know what would happen after the timer went off. But I knew that when it did, she would expect me to get over it. Julia's death. The question was whether I could beat the clock and meet her expectations on time or not.
Tick-tock.
When Clare found out about my hoarding, it sped up the clock. She knew that she was helping me, and that raised her expectations. I don't think she knew that she was asking for more, but I did. And so did the timer.
Tick-Tock.
When Clare said she needed space, she brought up Julia. She said that I wasn't over her and I shouldn't be with her until I was. I tried to convince her that I was over her, even though I couldn't even convince myself. That's when I realized that the timer was about to go off. I began to panic. I needed to do something. Julia was causing too many problems. I needed to get over her and take her out of my life. So I shot her picture. And the next day, it seemed like Clare was going to stay with me. But the timer still kept going unnoticed.
Tick-Tock.
When Clare visited me in the hospital, I had an epiphany. I thought Julia was out of my life and that the problem was fixed. I didn't understand why Clare was still acting distant. But when I crashed Morty, after she came just like I had hoped, instead of telling me how much she still wanted to be with me, she said that I was manipulating her. That I scared her. And I realized that I was doing this because of Julia. Because I didn't want her to leave me like Julia did. That's why I was trying to protect her by being with her so much. That's why I crashed Morty. To make sure she would be with me.
Tick-Tock.
I wanted to tell her that I understood my problem and what I was doing wrong and that I needed her help. But it was too late. Because before I figured that out, she left.
DING!
And I was all alone. And out of time. Once again.
Author's Note: It's obvious now that I am not good at this type of writing. But I'm posting it anyway. Sorry for this waste of time.