"The mission," he repeats to himself over and over.
"The mission," he says again, crouched down on the floor of some dingy motel bathroom, fists pressed tight to his eyes, forcing the tears to stay back. It doesn't work, really, because when he stood and looked at his face in the mirror all he saw were bloodshot eyes and a tearstained face.
"The mission." Cas repeats, trying to straighten his shoulders and make himself believe what he was saying. The mission was everything, it was the reason he was sent to earth, it was his purpose.
So, how did he get so far from it?
"You're a fool, Cas." Balthazar sneered, knowing his words were searing a hole in the other angels chest, even if he couldn't see the outcome just yet.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about." Cas replied, his face relatively blank although his chest ached. It hurt him so deeply.
"You are an angel, how could you forget such things. To fall in love? It is forbidden, Cas"
It was his friend, Cas had thought that he could trust him, to be able to talk. The pit in his chest only grew.
"You were always too busy chasing after glass bottle green eyes and sunspotted cheeks to notice the shards of glass cutting into your bare feet, weren't you?"
Cas paused, a spiraling, sinking feeling sparking in his stomach. He hadn't meant to get lost, never, that's the reason he had searched out for his old friend, the only problem was Cas never realized how far he had strayed from the path.
The reflection in the mirror never changed, no matter how hard Cas willed it to. The only difference in time was a fresh wave of tears. Eventually they stopped, Cas still studying himself in the mirror, trying to understand what Balthazar had meant, what all of this meant.
"I love you, Dean Winchester, and I can't even have you."