Disclaimer: Smash is owned by Nintendo, Snake by Konami, Sonic by Sega
I tried to write a humor piece this time, something I've never done before, so it may not be too well done. Still, perhaps it'll make you smile at least. A basic understanding of a number of the series will also help you here.
Marth held a small piece of paper in his hand, the grocery list. The last fight, over the TV remote, had completely trashed the house, so now he had to get the replacements for everything that had been destroyed. First thing on the list was "A refrigerator that's Kirby-proof".
Marth examined the refrigerators on display, mostly white ones, an occasional black. Someone working at the store seemed to catch wind of his examining, and hurried over to him.
"Looking for anything in specific?" The seller clasped his hands together, the typical over-eager used car sales man personality was evident in the movement. Marth paused for a moment at the question, the list asked for something Kirby proof, so…
"Well, do you have anything with a lock?" Marth stood there as the seller gave him a confused look, "Ah, obviously not. Okay, what about a more durable model?"
"Oh, over here." The seller made a "follow me" gesture and paced off to a corner of the display, specifically at a large black refrigerator that looked like it was made out of steel. "This model can last for twenty years, and the hinges are hand-made by the best of the best, so there shouldn't be any trouble with any yanking on either the main fridge or the freezer."
"Um… it doesn't really look that durable."
"What?" The man turned back to Marth to give him another confused look. "Hey, kid, it's outer edge is made out of steel. Steel! Explain to me how it doesn't look durable."
"Durable? You've got to be kidding me. This thing looks like it could barely handle a Din's Fire, let alone a Falcon Punch!"
The man paused at Marth's excuse for why it doesn't look durable, "So you're a clown, huh?"
"No sir, I'm completely serious, you clearly don't understand what goes down when four of the people back home all want the last piece of pie. It gets… violent." Marth hoped the explanation came out as evenly as possible, the expression on the store person seemed to indicate the opposite.
"Okay, you're clearly not actually intending on buying anything, you should move along."
After not buying a refrigerator, Marth moved along the TV aisle, last night the TV met an unfortunate end when Bowser thought the show he was watching was trash, and Bowser Bombed it. That TV had lasted for three months, quite the span of time for a TV to exist where they all lived.
of course, there was thirty-five people living there, thirty-eight if Pokemon Trainer's Pokemon were included. So it had to be a big TV, at least five feet in height, and equal in width, sadly he barely saw any TVs that were over three feet.
"Excuse me sir, I'm looking for the biggest TV you have." Marth saw the eyes of the counter seller light up at the sentence, he quickly got away from the counter and began leading Marth down the aisle, he led Marth to a huge TV on display.
"This, sir, is a 72 inch monitor with crystal clear video, it has a built in VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray player. It's known for it's durability on all sides, the screen itself is even shatter-resistant, as well as bullet proof."
"Ah… how do you make a screen bullet-proof?" Marth felt himself ponder for a moment before shaking his head. "You said 72 inches? That's six feet, I'll take it."
"Good, it's 8,000 coins."
Marth flinched at the price, it was good Wario was the undisputed king of Coin Matches, or they'd probably have all been evicted by now. Marth reached into his pocket and pulled out his credit card, thanks to the Coin Matches, he had about 50,000 Coins saved on it, the man grabbed it hurried back to the counter. He swiped it and dealt with all the necessary calculations before handing the card back to Marth.
"Just tell us your address and we'll get that TV shipped to you within a week."
"Oh, right. I live at 2536 Smashers Corner, 45398." The clerk nodded and wrote the address down, before giving the typical pre-loaded "Have A Nice Day".
Next up on the list was books for Snake, he wanted some war documentary books, replacements were needed when one of Mario's fireballs hit the bookshelf. Marth walked through the bookstore, a few books actually managed to catch his eye, such as "Ganondorf Is A Wimp", which was authored by Vaati. Then there was "Just Say No To Poison Mushrooms", "Grilling The Gordo", "Where You Stand In The Metroid Food Chain", and the books just went on and on.
"Hey, sir, I'd like to bu-Ike?" Marth jumped back at the person he had just tapped on the shoulder, Ike, one of his house-mates. "Ike, I'm the one shopping for everyone this time."
"Oh, er, I… I'm just pacing, yes, pacing." Ike gulped as he finished his sentence, his arms going behind his back.
"Ike, are you hiding something? You bought a book? I never thought of you as the scholar type." Marth tilted to the side, trying to see what Ike was holding.
"No! N-no! I bought nothing! Nothing at all." Ike took a step back, only for Marth to dart to the side and tear the book out of Ike's grip and examine the title.
""Remaining Relevant In The Video Game World. How Not To Get Kicked Out of The Next Super Smash"?" Marth paused as he read the title, then he turned to Ike, who Marth could swear had never looked as uncomfortable as he did right now.
"Now, Ike, I know we kicked Roy out because he didn't get any new games, but I think you're being a bit parano-"
"This is all the fame I'm getting!" Ike snapped at Marth, "If I can't get another game after Radiant Dawn, it's good-bye to the world of Smash!" Ike brought his hands up to his forehead as he gasped in frustration, "Oh, you're fine, Marth, you were the main character of the first game, you get special privileges!
"I was also the main character of the third, and the eleventh, I'm also going to be the main character of the twelfth as well." Marth smiled, which seemed to frustrate Ike even more. "Alteans get it all, don't they?"
"Shut up!" Ike brought his hands back down in clenched fists, "I also have to put up with E-Mail after E-Mail from Michiah, Mia, and the Black Knight, they're all demanding to know why I didn't "invite" them! You don't have to put up with that either."
"Actually I do. Camus, Caeda, and Gharnef won't stop screaming at me over the phone."
"Caeda? I thought your girl's name was Shiida? Or… Sheeda?"
"Bah. That girl changes her name too often, really." Marth shook his head at his choice in girlfriends. "I totally should have hit on Catria."
"Anyway, here's your book back." Marth handed the book, literally a five hundred page epic, back to Ike. "I still think you're over-reacting, I mean, Roy was at least in the Sticker album."
"Oh gee, that makes me feel so much better. My future could be a personality-less picture in the Sticker Album! I feel so much better…" Ike hunched down and began to seethe, prompting Marth to turn and walk away.
There were only two items left on the list, first off was a new door. The last one got destroyed when Samus got a Smash Ball in last night's fight, at least Ganondorf or Giga Bowser didn't get it, otherwise he'd be trying to buy a whole new house that was big enough to shelter… thirty-eight people.
The door aisle was fairly basic, just about every color was represented, his dilemma was trying to decide weather he should make Peach and Zelda happy with a pink door, Ganondorf happy with a black door, if the door should have a pet door for Pikachu, Diddy, and Yoshi, or…
"Hey, having trouble deciding?" An employer came up behind him, "Most people can pick a door out fairly easily."
"Well, sometimes the people I live with are pretty picky, everyone has their own opinion about something or other." Marth recalled the nightmare that occurred when Sonic came back with a Blue door. Except it wasn't blue, it was "blue", as Snake called it. "That's the trouble with living with a lot of different people at the same time."
"Ah, say no more. I understand completely." The man walked right by Marth to examine the doors, "If you live with a lot of people, perhaps you could consider remodeling the doorway a bit to encompass one of these deluxe sized doors, it allows six people walking side by side with each other to all walk in at the same time."
"Ah, but Peach would still be too thick to get through." Marth smirked, then he made a nervous glance to the left and right, "I'm glad she didn't hear that, that came out without me thinking."
"Ha, "fat woman" jokes get funnier every 30th time you make one, doesn't it?" The employer tilted to the side to get a look at Marth's face.
"I'll just take a white door for today." Marth raised his head back up, "I'm not looking for anything too fancy right now, Pit and Zelda are the rulers of décor, they can decide something like that."
The last thing he needed right now was potato chips. Wario ate things so quickly, it was like he was going out of his way to out-do Kirby. The created system was "Keep feeding me, and I'll keep getting Coins for you". Marth grabbed two bags of potato chips, planning on buying them both, until he noticed the front of them, one of them was "traditional", the other was "flavored". Questions sprung up in Marth's mind, did "flavored" taste different then "traditional"? Does the name "traditional" mean that the specific brand had been around longer? What flavor is "flavored"? Barbecue? Perhaps Wario would despise "flavored" and love "traditional", or the other way around.
Marth's life was a lot less complicated before potato chip brands came into the picture.
Marth finally stepped through the open doorway of their home, no door right now, but the workers should have the white door installed within the hour.
"Hey! Where's the TV?" King DeDeDe came right up, "The Bottomless Like-Like Meets The Unswallowable Shield" is on tonight!"
"Oh, well, I bought the TV, but we'll have to wait about a week for it to come in.
"What? Nooooo!" Toon Link suddenly screamed, "Tetra's on Hyrulian Idol tonight! How am I going to tell her I missed it?"
"Did you buy a new fridge?" Meta Knight hovered at about the level of Marth's head, he had a fly-swatter in both of his hands, he must have been dealing with the bugs that came in through the door.
"We'll just have to make do with what we've got for right now." Marth turned his heard toward the kitchen, there was a distinct black chunk that reached out and grabbed the eye. It was misshapen, one could easily see that it was supposed to stand up straighter, it was also punched in on numerous locations, it was what was left of the fridge. It's current state was a result of a combination of a Mach Tornado from Meta Knight, with a Warlock Punch from Ganondorf, and a blast from Fox's Landmaster all hitting it at the same time.
"I'll see if there's anything I can do." Marth walked to the corner and grabbed the phone and quickly punched in a service number.
"You have reached Tech Support." The voice spoke calmly, "Your call will be responded to when we feel like it."
"Oh man…" Marth shook his head and hung the phone back up. "This is completely normal, I'd hate to see what we would consider a "bad day", you know?"
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