Here is how this worked: I put myself in the mind of Temperance Brennan. A rational, pragmatic and realistic woman who has been nothing but hurt by the people she loves. She doesn't believe in romantic love like most people do. However, she isn't a robot, sometimes she can't help but lose control of her own practical nature and her mind races and she feels things that she doesn't normally allow herself to feel. It's only natural. Reviews are fine, this is totally unedited and what not
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She was not nearly as clueless as people thought she was. She knew of love. She knew what people thought of it, she knew what people claimed to feel. Temperance Brennan knew what she had read in stories and seen in movies and on TV; but her life was none of those things. She had lived far longer than she cared to admit without feeling or seeing this elusive love to think that it actually existed. Chemical processes the body experiences that people mistake for an emotional attachment and that was all it was. It was just on nights like these that she needed to remind herself of the facts because she was overly tired and emotionally strained. It had been four cases, nearly back to back that was making her agitated and helpless feeling and not the extra time that she was spending with her partner.
It had been nearly four months since she had come close to losing him yet again. Four months and it was only on nights like these where she let herself feel. She felt the pain of what if, she felt the sorrow of not having him in her life, and she felt the worry over future possible losses. His job was dangerous; so was hers. She felt. That was the point, and no matter how compartmentalized she claimed to be, internally she was fighting those feelings and sometimes she didn't think that she could bear to even look at Booth because if she saw him at a moment like these she would not be able to help but collapse into him. She would hold him and sob and tell him that she wanted the faerie tale love story and that she wanted it with him. She wanted to make love instead of just have sex and that with him, it all seemed possible.
Dr. Brennan sighed deeply as a tear escaped and trickled down her face. She shook herself internally cursing the weakness. These feelings made her feel weak and they made her question herself and her partnership and a host of other life choices she had made over the past four years that Booth had been in her life. Mentally she started putting her feelings and weakness back into their individual, tiny boxes and pushing them to the back of her mind. She could almost inaudibly here the lab coming to life and she straightened from the table she'd been leaning over for the past twelve hours and decided that a couple of hours of sleep in her office would not hurt. That way if he came in later on, with yet another case, she might be able to pretend that she had not imagined a life with him beyond their partnership. She could pretend that she had never been weak enough to hope that love was a real and tangible thing that they could share.