A/N: My first foray in Ghost in the Shell fanfiction. I admire all incarnations, but it's hard to write for. I hope this is up to standard or at least enjoyable.
Also, I've taken Togusa's wife name from a fellow FF user: LuipaardJack. Go read her stuff, it's awesome. And if you are LuipaardJack, I hope this is okay. If not, contact me and I will change it.
I wouldn't miss my Mentor's assault for anything in the world
You're a real smartass, you know that?
I learned from the best
If Batou would've known that that was his last conversation with Togusa, he'd probably make it more poignant. Perhaps tell him to pull out right there. Say a proper goodbye... Something other than those simple witty retorts that they traded.
He sighed, looking through the window into the hospital room where Togusa laid. He once more scanned the body from his position. Nothing indicated that there was anything wrong besides some third degree burns in the back of his neck. Quite severe, but not life threatening.
Yet... Batou knew there was a very real chance Togusa might never recover from this.
'Cyberbrain overload' was the official term. 'Having your brain fried' was the more casual way of saying it. In fact... Batou remembered he tried to warn his partner.
Pull out, Togusa, it's too dangerous beyond this point, they'll fry your brain!
Not yet, I can go a little further!
Don't be an idiot, you pull out of here right now!
The screech that tore through his E-brain was terrifying and he would always remember it, cybernetic memory or not. An exclamation of pure pain, right before all connections were severed.
TOGUSA!
He remembered pushing through. Surviving, getting the Major's help of all people. And he remembered getting back on that boat, still having the hope that Togusa managed to pull out in time and have nothing more then a huge headache out of the ordeal.
The first thing he noticed was the smell. Burned flesh...
And after that, two crumpled bodies, one which he didn't care for, another... far more.
Togusa's hand was laying on his head, frozen in trying to reach the cable in his neck. A white visor obscured his face, and Batou feared what he would find behind it.
He picked up the visor to get a closer look at Togusa's face.
A small trickle of saliva was coming from his partner's mouth, blood from his nose. And his eyes... Empty and glassy. Like those of the dolls he just slaughtered by the dozen. No sign of the life that filled them mere hours ago.
Batou's hands reached for the cable still plugged in, a disturbing trail of smoke coming from it and a slight spark when it disconnected. For a second, Batou hoped that this was enough to breathe life into those eyes again. No such luck. He tried to read vital signs. They were upsetting in their normalcy. Breathing; fine. Heart-rate; a little high, but fine. The body was fine. The Ghost... Wasn't there anymore. Or at least extremely damaged.
Lights on. Nobody home.
"Sir?" Someone said to him, taking him back to the present, a nurse. "We've been seeing you watch the patient through this window for a while now." She hesitantly said, obviously intimidated. "And according to his wife, you are a friend. You know, you're allowed to visit."
"I'd rather not." Batou simply told her. She just shrugged and continued her rounds. He'd been coming around to Togusa's hospital room almost everyday, but for some reason, he couldn't make it into the room itself. Something stopped him.
Maybe it was the fact he dreaded seeing his partner like this. Togusa was always so full of life. Passionate, opinionated. Almost a polar opposite of Batou. To see him as nothing more than a corpse that just happened to be breathing was unsettling to say the least.
Or maybe it was the guilt that was gnawing at the pit of his stomach. All these times Togusa was afraid he might not make it... and he just shrugged it off as unimportant. Because he knew Togusa probably would make it. Because he tried to protect the smaller man most of, if not all the time. He almost took it for granted. And now...
"I couldn't protect you." Batou whispered, leaning his head against the glass.
"I'm sure you did what you could." Came from next to him, as he turned around. Togusa's wife was standing next to him. She smiled friendly but her eyes betrayed just how difficult it was for her. "Excuse me, I should introduce myself. I'm Meijiro. Togusa's wife. Your name was Batou, was it not?" Batou simply nodded. "Togusa told me a lot about you."
"That can't be good..." Batou couldn't help but say. A small smile played across Meijiro's lips.
"On the contrary. He seems to be looking up to you." That came as a little bit of a surprise.
"He does?" Batou asked.
"He does... Or did." Meijiro said, looking back into the room with a sad expression. "I'm trying to keep hope, but... The doctors say there's no improvement."
"How's your daughter taking it?" Batou asked, immediately regretting it as he saw tears welling up.
"I figured... I'd compare it to something she'd understand. Something more innocent." Meijiro started. "So I told her that Dad was like Sleeping Beauty in her magical one-hundred year sleep." A sad smile. "You know what she said? 'Please wake him up with a kiss, mommy. You're his true love. You can wake him up with a kiss.'" More tears. "How do you answer something like that?" She started to sob quietly. Batou was at a loss first, but ultimately decided to place a hand on her shoulder. Nothing else. This seemed to help as she looked up at him after a few minutes, eyes still watery, but managing to smile.
"I'm alright. I just... It's hard to keep strong sometimes." She admitted. "I sometimes wonder how you do it." This was... surprising. Because honestly? Batou didn't feel strong. In fact, he felt weaker than he ever had in his life.
"I'm not as strong as you think." He said. "If I was, this wouldn't have happened."
"Please don't be too hard on yourself. You did what you could." Meijiro said, before looking at her watch. "Excuse me, I need to pick up my daughter. Have a nice day." And with a small bow, she was away. Batou took one last glance inside the room, before he headed home himself.
If I did what I could... then why do I feel so responsible?
Weeks passed, and the doctors seemed to stop trying to get him to recover, now focusing on trying to make him comfortable. Batou noticed Meijiro didn't take too this too well.
"Listen, I understand that you're upset..."
"Upset?!" She shouted. "I'm furious! For you to... to just give up on him?! You said there is still brain activity. You said there was still hope!"
"Miss, we tried everything to pull him out of it. He's just... he's not reaction to any of our methods in the slightest."
"Then keep trying until he does!"
"I wish it was that easy, Ma'am." With that she stormed out, passing a visiting Batou as she did.
"And you!" She said, turning to him, still mad. "What kind of friend are you? You've been hovering near his room for weeks now, but you can't bring yourself to actually visit him?! You're a damn coward!"
"Ma'am, I..." Batou tried, but Meijiro had nothing of it.
"Don't make excuses! All of you should just stop making excuses!" With that she stomped off, tears in her eyes. Batou just stared, not really knowing what else to do. He took a look at the room again, hand hovering over the door handle, Meijiro's words ringing in his ears.
You're a damn coward!
Maybe he was...
A few more days passed and Togusa's condition still didn't change. Why would it? Nothing has happened. Maybe if he'd just pay him a visit. Actually enter the room and pay him a visit... Batou shook his head. Why would that make the difference? It would most likely only set his own mind at ease.
Still... this needed to stop. He had to do it. So he took the handle, opened the door and entered.
The room was quiet. A heart monitor was beeping along, keeping a digital eye on the patient's vital signs, but that was about it. A large window let trough an abundance of sunlight. It was open to let some air in, a curtain softly billowing. It looked so serene and peaceful.
It's occupant could also be described like that. At least from the last time Batou saw him, with his features frozen in a pained scream and his eyes empty. Now Togusa's eyes were closed and his features relaxed. One arm slung over his stomach and his chest rising and falling, it almost looked as if he was just sleeping.
"Hey..." Batou said, for some reason as he sat down on a chair next to the bed. As if it would register. "It's been a while." He added. Why was he saying this? It wouldn't make a difference. Togusa didn't hear him. "Listen, I..." He stopped there. What was he supposed to say? So he just sat there. After a while, he could hear the door as Meijiro walked in, looking surprised that he was here.
"Oh, I didn't expect you here." She said, before sitting down in a chair. It looked a little worn. She probably sat there as often as she could. An uneasy silence followed. "I... Want to apologize for my outburst." Meijiro finally said. "I... I just..."
"No need to explain. I can't imagine how this must be for you." Batou told her. "I should be the one apologizing." He said, looking down. "As his partner, I shouldn't have let things come this far. He was always eager to prove himself. Eager to show me that he could stand up and be an equal to another partner I had in the past." A sigh. "I never... I should have told him that he didn't have to. That he was perfectly fine the way he was. Maybe then he'd listen and pull out when I asked him..."
"He probably wouldn't." Meijiro said. "Togusa always had this reckless streak. Even back at the Police Force." She smiled. "That's just how he is. Just eager to help out. That said he... did mention he tends to feel inadequate around you. Not because of anything you did, but... you had a partner before this, yes?"
"I did." Batou said. "He might've mentioned that a few times. That he couldn't live up to her. Probably should have... never mind. It's easy to talk about what you should have done in the past." Meijiro just nodded, before an odd beeping sound made itself known. At first the two were confused, but as Togusa's body started to shift, they realized what was going on.
He was waking up.
"Togusa? Hun?!" Meijiro was immediately at her husband's side, holding his hand while at the same time pressing the button to call the nurse.
"M-meijiro?" Togusa managed, eyes shooting open. "Batou!" He exclaimed, shooting up before collapsing again, this taking a lot out of him.
"Easy. Easy. Everything is fine. Batou is safe." Meijiro comforted the obviously disoriented and confused man as Togusa just laid there, eyes moving quickly.
"But... the security breach... Locus Solus... I have to..."
"It's all been solved." Batou said.
"But how... And why am I here... What happened?"
"You've been in a coma. That's all you need to know for now." He said, as he could see medics rushing in. "I'll explain things when you're better." With that he left the suddenly more crowded room, a weight lifted from both his mind and his heart.
A few weeks passed and Togusa was recovering rapidly. However, he had no memory of what happened, nor a sense of lapsed time. The natural described it as 'lost time' whenever it came up. However... things weren't as clear-cut and instead of going home, Togusa was transferred to a special facility that helped people with Cyberbrain malfunctions recover. After another week or so, Batou decided to pay him a visit.
"Flowers? Really?" Togusa said, seeing Batou with a small bouquet. "You sure this isn't still some coma dream?"
"They were Ichikawa's idea." Batou said. "Probably figured it was good for a laugh." This caused Togusa to indeed, start laughing. After that he took the bouquet and placed it on the table in his small room. "I'll ask for a vase a little later. I'm sure they have some to spare."
"How are they treating you here?" Batou asked.
"They're being very friendly and patient with me." Togusa told him.
"You're not exactly one to try them on that, are you?" Batou joked as Togusa just looked away. "Did I say something?"
"That's something for later. How about we take a walk? They've got a great garden here." He said, obviously evasive about it.
"Uhm, sure." Batou said, not trying to push things as Togusa guided him outside. They eventually settled on a bench into the rather lush outer area of the facility on a hill looking out over an adjacent forest.
"Much better than the cityscape, right?" Togusa said after a while, leaning back.
"If you like that sort of thing…" Batou said, before more pressing matters came to his mind. "Is there any talk about when you'll be returning to work? Things are pretty quiet without you around." This caused a sad smile to appear on Togusa's face. "You… are returning, right?"
"About that, Batou, I… listen, I want you to know that despite the things I've said, I do enjoy being your partner and I'd like it to continue, it's just that…." After that he stopped. At first Batou figured it was because he didn't know how to continue. But at a closer look it was something… different. Togusa didn't just stop talking, he stopped moving altogether. Just… sitting there, frozen in the moment he stopped talking. Getting worried, Batou shook his shoulder slightly. No shake. Still no reaction. He looked around awkwardly. Maybe a medic could help with this…? He didn't quite know how to handle himself. "Hey, Togusa, what…?"
"There are things that will stop me from…" Togusa suddenly started talking again, as if never happened. He stopped soon after, but this time he didn't seem to… vanish.
"It happened again, didn't it?" Togusa said, sighing.
"What do you mean again?" Batou asked, his partner just looked down.
"Ever since I woke up, I have these... blackouts. The doctors aren't able to explain it, but for some reason my brain just... shuts down for a period of time. I freeze in my actions and when I come to, I just start up again. Sort of like someone pushing a 'pause' button on my actions." Togusa frowned. "Sometimes it's a few seconds, sometimes minutes, sometimes longer. The longest has clocked in at half an hour." Togusa explained.
"Did they manage to find a pattern?"
"None. It seems to happen at random. There seemed to be a steady improvement... but then, yesterday, I had three blackouts within four hours." Another sigh. "There's a chance I might never actually go away. So the next step is... trying to build up my life around it."
"What does that mean for your work at Section Nine?"
"I don't know." Togusa said, shrugging. "Aramaki has shown interest to keep me around, but it's pretty obvious I'm not going to bust into any Yakuza hideouts with you anymore." He joked, smirking.
"That's a Win/win situation." The two of them shared a laugh. Which was rare, even before the incident.
"In all honesty, I'm gonna miss being in the field with you." Togusa admitted. "I know I've expressed my frustration about it, and some of those still are true, but…" Another silence, though it wasn't elongated. "For some reason, even when staring Death in the eye, there was this feeling in the back of my head that I'd be safe. That you would be there and protect me."
"Yet you still went and almost died." Batou said, turning away. "I couldn't protect you. That was an… awful feeling." A hand was placed on his knee.
"You did what you could… that's more than enough for me." Togusa softly told him. "Even so, I probably should learn to save myself. I wouldn't want you to lose another partner. To lose another friend."
Batou just smiled.
"I won't lose you. Promise."