A young girl is sitting in her room. Today is a very special day in her life. Though, her FATHER didn't let her leave her home for social duties all hatchlings who become adult Avians have to pass. Not that she'd care, anyways.
== Be the girl.
Your name is AN FYAR. Today is your 8TH HATCHDAY. In EON, this is the equivalent of 16 YEARS in EARTH. You have a number of hobbies, varying from playing a strange sport called BASEBALL to collecting and sewing DOLLS of all kinds. The DOLL collecting hobby is seen as unsettling to other people, but you don't mind. You also play the HARP, as it's a tradition for high-class citizens to do so. You find ANCIENT LEGENDS to be thrilling, and you are partial to three GODS of this lore. You are also a HIGHCLASS CITIZEN, and as such, you are entitled to speak very politely, even though your CHEMICALLY ENGAGED FIANCE doesn't care about any of that. You don't like him a lot, but you guess you still could be friends. Though, you must obey what your FATHER orders to you, as he is a superior in your family hierarchy. You know that something ominous is about to happen, and pray to your main goddess that nothing bad will become true. Such entity is the GODDESS OF TREASURE, who is regarded as an entity who sacrificed herself in a in her time, thus, making the number 8 a SACRED NUMBER in Eon. Your other rightfully worshipped beings are the GOD OF WIND and the GODDESS OF MELODY. None of this stupidity like CRAZYCLOWNS, TIMECROWS or FROGLOVERS. It's not like you can even gain wings like actual birds or anything like that, so, why worshipping this silly bird kid? What makes him so different from you? Worshipping bird beings is silly. Regardless of the fact that two of your gods have wings, because they're actual valid gods and they can do whatever they want to. In special the GODDESS OF TREASURE. Your FriendNudge handle is MatriarchStint and you type in a fairly polite pattern, with almost no errors.
== Retrieve arms You already got them, silly cuckoo!
== Fetch wings
You don't have wings. Even if you had, you wouldn't fetch them, as you're terrified of heights. Also, seems like someone is NUDGING you.
== Read the message.
patriarchArena: yo matriarchStint: Hello.
MS: So, what's up?
PA: nuffin MS: Are you sure?
PA: yup PA: just askn smth MS: Do tell.
PA: did u buy teh slorb gaym MS: Yes, I did buy SLURB. It's a stupid name for a game, but I did.
PA: i hav a kopy heer but wat shud i do MS: According to the handy instruction manual that came with the game, I should install it and wait until my server player install the disk. And taking in consideration we are the only ones doing it, you will be my server player, and vice-versa. Any other questions?
PA: i didnt undrstnd crap of this gaym but fien did u inst it MS: It's installing here as we speak... Oh, it finished. Install the server disk.
PA: k then i install my disk rite MS: According to this manual, you must place the machinery in my nest... How weird, it messes with reality. The few games that ever did it were kinda disastrous, to say the least. Do they still make those, I wonder?
PA: neat im insting the serv heer- its inst i now can c ur mansion now MS: Fine, can you help me now?
PA: just a sec i need 2 c wats goin on heer smth brok
== Be patriarchArena.
Your name is AL DEWE. You are 8 EONIC TRANSLATIONS old. You are CHEMICALLY ENGAGED to AN, by a promise both your parents did. You believe this is horsecrap. If only your planet had more appropriate words for all this fiddlery, you would speak them in a frequent basis. Your hobbies are SHOOTING and COLLECTING ANCIENT ARTEFACTS, such as the SACRED PUPPETS OF COOLBRO and ANCIENT PISTOLS. You find ANCIENT LEGENDS to be bullcrap and really boring, preferring to ironically hear about ANCIENT PROPHECIES that, as you obviously know, will never happen. Who the heck thinks that a couple will create a new Universe by playing with a seemingly innocent artefact? How silly! You are also a LOWCLASS CITIZEN, which reinforces the belief that CHEMICAL ENGAGEMENT is a giant horsecrap and your MOTHER only wants you to get into a better life condition. Though, you respect your MOTHER so much, you have no option other than to obey her wishes. Not that you can't get into advantage and not tease your fiancee with this. You worship the GOD OF CLOCKWORK, as opposed as AN, who worships the SILLY TIMEFAIRY, as you like to call. You also worship the GODDESS OF FROST, as you obviously know it was her who created the Universe, and not that DUMBHORN OF WINDY, as you like to say. The other one you worship, the obviously most important of all gods in your personal pantheon, is the GOD OF MIRTH. As opposed as AN's silly SPIDERBLUHTCH goddess. To you, his merciless club will punish all infidels. Thinking better, better try to make AN believe in him as soon as possible; after all, you both still are friends, somehow. Your FriendNudge handle is patriarchArena and you type full of abbr skpn ltrs n inkorrct spelin lyk dat
== Retrieve arms
... Are you seriously kidding? You already got them, dumbnuts.
== Resist the urge of doing a long make-out session with An's picture in the frame.
What portrait? And even if you had one, what urge? You don't have time now will for this bullcrap. You need to see what was that noise.
== See what the fiddle is going on.
This is your NEST. It's bigger than most LOWCLASS CITIZEN nests, but it's also far less stable, in a structural sense. All because your MOTHER insists on buying home decor games and try to expand the home, until she discovers she's bankrupt, in game currency. Since you both are dirt poor and she can't buy PREMIUM services, which tend to be monthly and more expensive than the games themselves, she just stops playing the current game and buys another one when she gets money enough for it. Because of her inconsistencies in keeping up with only one building game, your NEST is a disaster, with random rooms all over the place and really clashing, kitsch decor. Right now, a loud crashing sound is what worries you the most. You proudly take your beloved and reliable MODEL314 COLTREVOLVER from your PISTOLKIND, which is your allocated STRIFE SPECIBUS. As an avid ancient pistol collector, you love how most of the weapons you find in your excavations are in perfect state, except for what seems to be a BLUNDERBUSS PISTOL that belonged to a legitimate pirate, even though you aren't very fond of pirates. You collected that jewel because it's blue and got a trigger.
The noise came from the kitchen, you just know it. It's the only place of the nest that could have highly breakable objects. Though, as you follow the path to this place, you discover your MOTHER returning from there. You decided to ask what happened, out of respect. Maybe she just broke a plate or a glass. Though, she's displeased with the fact you are wielding a pistol while inside the nest.
== Try to explain the situation.
She doesn't want to listen. STRIFE!
ARGUMENT MOTHER uses AUTO-OMISSION!
ADVANCE You can't do this to MOTHER! You respect her way too much to ADVANCE!
MOTHER uses ACERBATE!
You get annoyed with her rant about fireguns! There's only one way out!
ABSCOND
== Absconded!
You ABSCONDED back to your room, to talk with your fiancee. Apparently, there's not much to do. You retrieve a Faygo out of your SYLLADEX and proceed to drink it. No silly systems, just the old plain PICKUP FETCH MODUS. You tried to get used to the EENIEMEENIE FETCH MODUS once, but you're never lucky at this choosing game and always pick up the stupidest items. Not to mention the incident with the TOASTER FETCH MODUS, of which you prefer to not even try to remember, as your memory violently repressed it. Though, it's not your fault, since AN gave you both modi to test out which one was better for you, as your 8th hatchday present. In the end, for some reason you both can't explain, she just gave you her PICKUP FETCH MODUS, that simply allows you to retrieve whatever you want to and locks your inventory after it gets full. It was her previous Fetch Modus, but she preferred to stay with one that matched more her silly demeanors.
And again, she's NUDGING you. Bluh bluh, huge bluhtch. It's probably something to do with this stupid and silly game.
== See what the huge bluhtch wants.
MS: So, did you see what happened?
PA: just mum and her kitchn iss00s PA: sumtiems I wondr if shes rly my mum bcoz We dun look aliek at all!1 MS: I understand you. My father makes me wonder if we weren't switched at birth or something like that.
PA: so wat do i do MS: First, you put the equipments in three empty rooms near my bedroom.
PA: well i can c ur bedrum PA: dis gaem allows many intrestn possblts aehaeuhaeuaehaeu MS: Please, stop laughing like that, it creeps me out. And you don't even dare to look at me while I bath. Sicko.
PA: sumday well need 2 do it u kno PA: were gonna be married PA: n thers honymoon PA: u kno wat hapn in honymoon MS: I'd like to delay this day as much as I can. Even if it means going back in time. If it's even possible, that is.
PA: meh wtv PA: no budge talkn 2 u bout mariag PA: i dun want it eithr u c PA: k im putn the stuf PA: alchemiters there MS: Thanks.
PA: k pylons deployd MS: Eh? Pylons?
PA: i mean totem lathes there MS: Oh. Thanks. But try to speak as politely and as understandable as you can, please.
PA: ill try PA: afterall im gonna be hiclass MS: Okay... /Le sigh PA: k crusturders there PA: i mean cruxtruder MS: Thanks.
PA: so wat you do MS: Apparently, I'll have to hit the cruxtruder lid with my STRIFE SPECIBUS weapon? Holy Motherfiddlers, do I even have one?
PA: hm PA: is this countdown normal MS: WHAT COUNTDOWN?
PA: cruxtruder has a countdown PA: it started in 8:02 i think MS: OH MY HOLY GODDESS OF TREASURE WHAT WILL I DO PA: calm down.
PA: 1st equip ur strife specibus PA: can b anything from ur sylladex as long as its a wepon MS: OK, took my baseball bat. Equipped it in BATKIND.
PA: itll be ur strife specibus 4evr u kno MS: OK, it means I can use bats of any kind, right?
PA: yes PA: now run to the cruxtruder in ur playlab room n hit it with all ur force PA: shes quick - matriarchStint ceased nudging you.-
You captchalogued your PALMTOP with you. Though, due to you using LITTLEFARM FETCH MODUS, it means you'll take around 30 seconds until you can harvest it to talk to your friend. Which is the exact time you'll take to go to your playlab and hit the CRUXTRUDER with your BASEBALL BAT. Of which you proceeded to do.
You harvest your PALMTOP and nudge AL, just for the sake of reporting your progress.
== Nudge Al
PA: so u did it MS: Yes, I can't even believe in it! w
PA: u luk so kute usin emots PA: y u no always use them ;D MS: Pff, please, stop. I just use them in really rare situations. Speaking of which, I only ever see you using emoticons for sarcastic means, what did happen just now?
PA: i dunno lol PA: now apprently this is a kernelsprite n a cruxite dowel MS: SO, what do I do with them?
PA: u had a instruction manual with u rite MS: Yes, but I read through it and it was all messed up...
MS: Almost like who wrote it stopped playing it the right way and decided to fiddle with the rules.
PA: ugh PA: screwin the rlz is a baaaaaaaad thing MS: Look, you used the Sacred Number!
PA: it was an aksidnt k MS: So... What do I do with the KERNELSPRITE?
PA: hm PA: u prototyp it MS: Prototype? Like what, I test it? Should I touch it?
PA: not advisd PA: the manual say dat tuchin it will protoyup u MS: So, going by logic, I shall take objects and prototype, right?
PA: y we must prototyp 2x MS: OK, I'll be right back. If anything, take your objects for prototyping, to not need to pass through such hassle...
PA: already did PA: OWAIT WAT R U DOIN PA: OH NO U DIDNT PA: NOT UR UGLY ANGLE CREEPDOLL PA: NOT THE STOOPID HARP WITH TEH UGLY HORND GURL IN IT Y DID I GIV IT 2 U PA: NO NO NOOOOOOOO MS: ... Ugh, please, stop the drama... I took my favorite doll, ANGEL ALICE, to prototype, as well as my favorite ANCIENT HARP. Not that angels actually exist, of course... But I think it'd be adorable.
PA: k we dun hav much time PA: akshuly PA: ive been seein heer PA: a meteors reechin ur nest MS: FIDDLESTICKS!
MS: Okay, I'll do it. I'll prototype the harp.
PA: she did it darnit MS: So pretty! She's as red as my tail~ w
PA: I NOTICED DARNIT MS: Now... Prototyped Angel Alice, she's so pretty!
PA: ugh its ugly PA: now u need 2 use teh totem lathe n the punctured card to enter teh medium MS: Okay
== Do all the procedures to get the cruxite item and enter the Medium
MS: OK, I got a cruxite doll, what do I do?
PA: break it somehow MS: I'm going to hug it. Because if any dolls are going to break here, they'll be through love.
PA: wtv just do it-
PA: u did it PA: u rly did it PA: dun ever hug me k MS: Okay, I won't, I pr- WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?
PA: oh my b luvd god of mirth PA: its an angleblutch PA: attacking a spritanglebluhtch PA: n a simple bluhtch
== STRIFE!
IMP used AGGRIEVE!
You used ANTAGONIZE to defend it with a counter attack!
IMP used AUTO-FLURRY to defend itself from the counter!
AFFECT You used your BASEBALL BAT and beaten the imp to oblivion!
IMP was defeated!
PA: k remembr me 2 not ever let u angry MS: I will. Well, I'm installing the server disk now while we speak.
MS: I put my PALMTOP on the charger, to avoid disconnecting from the nudge. It feels lonely when Father is in his office room.
PA: i wish i cud make u company MS: What?
PA: jk jk its nuthin for srs MS: Did you install your version of the game? It's giving an error...
PA: crap PA: wait 1 instnt MS: ... How do you expect me to be your server if you don't connect...
PA: k done MS: Now I can install it. Fine, I'll do it. First, deploy- Fiddlesticks.
PA: WHAT WAS DIS NOIZ PA: DARNIT PA: FIDLSTIX PA: I HOPE THIS WASNT MY BATHROOM PA: HOLY CRAP ITS MY TOILET MS: ... Apparently, this is a secular accidental tradition that happens in all instances. Ops. I'm deeply sorry, my touchpad slipped...
PA: WHY THE HECK R U USING A FIDLIN TOUCHPAD PA: U HAV MONI 2 BY A TABLT PA: HECK EVEN I WHOS POOR CAN BUY A FDLING MOUSE MS: I forgot to install the server disk in my DESKTOP, OK? I'm using my LAPTOP! I'm going to fix it- Crap.
PA: just dont PA: i guess u just desecratd my bathub MS: ... Affirmative.
PA: abscond my bathrum PA: now PA: its an order MS: Pff, already did it... I'm placing the items in place... While I try to beat some coward imps to death. Woot, more BUILD GRIST to fix your restroom!
PA: k lets do it
== Prototype sprite
You are in your nest's stupidest room, with your DEVILWING PUPPET and your PIRATE BLUNDERBUSS. First, you prototype your blunderbuss. Apparently, your sprite is now a pirate with two scars on his face, holding what appears to be... A harpoon shooter? You could swear that cool blue weapon was a blunderbuss damaged by time, but apparently, it was a harpoon shooter of sorts. You couldn't care less, you guess your pirate looks kind of cool, if not by those weird horns and this ridiculous scarf. Then, you prototype your DEVILWING PUPPET. The sprite's buttocks grew a bit. Or what was supposed to be his buttocks, since you can't be sure with sprites. He also gained devil wings and a tail. And his harpoon shooter gained a trident in the supposed harpoon kind. You don't even know if it's really a harpoon shooter, you don't understand anything about weapons that aren't pistols. You barely understand something about actual pistols, anyways. You are a LOWCLASS CITIZEN and aren't really willing to fork up all of your time into studying and becoming a HIGHCLASS CITIZEN.
PA: so wats up? wats ur name?
?: My name should be ORPHANER DUALSCAR.
?: But you prototyped my wweapon, that had my memories in it, and a bit of the memories a my hipster sucessor, apparently, as I don't remember evver tryin to wwoo Her Imperious Condescension ?: An my quirk wwasn't so stupid, wwell, howw im speakin is a bit less stupid than wwhat the hipster memories tell me, at least I still use proper punctuation. Sometimes. Wwell...
?: And I nevver felt so lonely.
PA: so can i call u dualscarsprite or something?
DS: If you insist. DS: But dont think I wwill evver servve you- Wwhat being are you, after all?
PA: im an avian PA: caw caw PA: from planet eon DS: I nevver heard about this planet before DS: And evven if I heard about it DS: This planet pales in comparison to Alternia, though.
DS: Wwhich is the best planet in the Univverse. Thought you wwould wwant to knoww this.
PA: u must be from another universe then PA: bcoz i never herd about alternia-
PA: owait yes i think i did PA: in one of ans stupd panthon lesns DS: Pantheon? Am I a God?
PA: nope but i think ur stpd sucesor is PA: n hes 1 of the lamst DS: He causes me shame. At the same time, his memories make me regard fondly of him.
DS: Don't knoww if wwant.
PA: he was the god of wrath PA: he had smth 2 do with angles PA: i hate angles so much PA: i dunno how an can like them so much PA: lyk they suck PA: n they dun even hav 2 do with her gods DS: Wwhatevver.
PA: btw nice scarf n glses hipster DS: FUC-
PA: oh my wat word is this DS: /sigh PA: k so theres an imp and what u have 2 do is- whoa did you-
DS: Shoot it and take the loot. I'm a pirate, wwhat did you expect?
PA: akshuly u cant take the loot PA: but fear not PA: i can take it n put it 2 gud use DS: You don't knoww howw awwesome is to feel alivve again.
PA: i can guess PA: not dat ive evr died PA: i think DS: So, of wwhich color is your blood?
PA: wite PA: n urs DS: it wwas purple, but noww im stuck to lowwer earthdwweller blue in this sprite form, apparently. I'm looking like Mindfang.
DS: And your planet sure is strange. Wwhite blood? Wwhat kind of blood color is this?
PA: we only hav 2 blud colors PA: blak n wite PA: lyk PA: no other colors PA: at all DS: My planet had basically 12 blood tones, wwith slight vvariations in color that reached the number a 42, wwhich wwas the number a signs in our planet.
DS: This counting wwith the stupid mutations.
PA: mm PA: how wiers PA: i herd a legnd dat we 1ce had 8 colors PA: in shads of grey PA: but its bullcrap PA: like all legnds PA: also number lyk 7 n 9 r abomnatns PA: none of those evr apear in profcis DS: If you stopped shooting imps and collecting stupid loot, you'd understand that lore is an important thing PA: wtv PA: or as u lyk 2 say PA: wwtvv
== Do all the procedures to get the cruxite item and enter the Medium
PA: k i got a fdln pistol. im suposd 2 brek it DS: Just do it, then. Wwhat is stopping you?
PA: but dude its a pistol DS: Wwhat's wworse, shooting a stupid pistol statue or dying smashed by a fuckin meteor? GLUB GLUB, USE YOUR THINKING PAN, GOGDAMN LANDDWWELLER PA: wat did u say DS: METEOR, DUMB BASS. YOU DICKWWEED.
PA: such byutiful words inspired me PA: ill shoot this motherf- wat was it cald agan DS: ... Wwell, I'll accept the swweet embrace a death- oh wwait, you shot it i see PA: k did it bcoz no fdln metor wil get me k DS: Maybe you're slighly less useless than I thought you wwould be. Evven though your wwords still sound lame.
== Be Father
You are FATHER. You are in your mansion's main room, fighting against IMPS and OGRES. What wouldn't a father do for his beloved daughter. You always knew it was bound to happen. This was the reason on why you kept her inside the mansion, while you just kept waiting in your work lab until she entered the Medium and took the whole nest with her. You take a bow and a set of arrows from your BOWKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS and shoot all your enemies, making sure your daughter will have plenty of grist and boondollars to buy the most powerful weapons. You never were interested in education, thinking that collecting WAR ARTILLERY was far more interesting, but had to make sure your daughter had the best access to all tools and knowledge in Eon. You agreed with MOTHER to chemically engage AN with AL, as they were destined to create a new Universe together. You never were fond of such methods, but since you considered AL as your son, you agreed on it. You want to see both as the happiest best friends in the world, as avians are supposedly incapable of this feeling called ROMANCE. You worship the God of Pulse, the God of Clockwork and the God of Wrath.
== Be An
MS: OK, so, what's your name?
?: Do I Really Need To Say It?
MS: Yes. It's a formality principle. Take in consideration I'm beating stupid imps to death with this baseball bat while we speak.
?: Ugh. At Least My Old Home Was A Better Place.
MS: I wish to know where you took such intriguing speech pattern.
?: Why Should I Tell It To A Flighty Broad Like You?
MS: Retreat this offense. Now.
?: No, I Will Not Retreat It.
MS: In case you don't know, "flighty broad" is the worst offense you can give to a HIGHCLASS female Avian like me. You can call me a "nervous broad". A "silly broad", even. But "flighty"? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
?: You Made Me Become A Mutantblood-Colored Spectre.
?: Why Should I Help You?
MS: Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. Red is the best color in the Universe.
MS: Also... You were the woman engraved in the harp, right? MATRIARCH HARP, I believe?
?: Why Do You Ask?
MS: You're my KERNELSPRITE. You're supposed to help me. I dunno, evoke some sharp notes, some lightnings or something.
MS: BTW, can I call you MatriSprite?
?: No, For You Already Have An MS In Your Handle.
MS: Holy fiddlesquiddle, I forgot about it... Stupid fourth wall. So, SylphSprite?
SS: This Is More Than Adequate. I Am Grateful. And I Apologize For Calling You A Flighty Broad.
MS: Whoa, you just evoked a ray? Are you related to the Goddess of Rays in any way?
SS: Perhaps. I Do Not Recognize Who You May Be Referring To.
MS: Well, the speech pattern is similar to what I see from the legendary tomes. The horns are also similar, as I can notice. Apparently, you might be her ancestor, as I do not see documents of the Goddess of Rays ever having offspring. I really appreciate to have an illustrious Alternian as my KERNELSPRITE.
== Be Mother
You are MOTHER. You, by collecting your BLADEKIND weapon, an elusive NODACHI, proceed to slice imps and ogres in half, to make sure your son gets all the BUILDING GRIST he needs to complete the game. You always knew those ANCIENT PROPHECIES were true and arranged your son's CHEMICAL ENGAGEMENT with AN, who you consider as a daughter, specifically for that purpose. You also came to accept your eventual death, but will fight until it's the right time for you and FATHER to part ways and leave your children orphaned, to take care of themselves and mature enough to create the new Universe. You even came to accept that Eon, a planet with so beautiful cultural standards, had to be destroyed. You learned that to build humilty to your son, you needed to pretend to be uneducated, to make both become LOWCLASS CITIZENS. With no books to read, you started to collect KITSCH FURNITURE. It's not an easy life, but you got the basics covered. A shame that what could perhaps be an oversight in your upbringing made him uninterested in education. You hope that they are an exception to the Avians supposed inability to feel ROMANCE and hope for them to become the happiest couple, but know the chances are slim. Instead, you will have to expect them to become best friends. You worship the Goddess of Rays, the Goddess of Treasure and the Goddess of Light.
== Be Jack Noir
You are Jack Noir. For some reason, the war against Prospit started again. You have two huge scars in your face, a ridiculous scarf, a doll's dress, two sets of tiny wings, a devil tail, a huge rump, a harp, and a stupid rifle with a trident tip that looks more like a harpoon shooter than an actual, efficient firearm. You refuse to use that rifle, even though it's powerful enough. If you could, you would strip to only your carapace in this very moment, but those wings, rump and tail make everything more difficult and awkward to take off. Not to mention that this BLUH BLUH QUEEN BLUHTCH, or rather, the BLACK QUEEN, is having plenty of fun with this and is watchin your suffering with enjoyment. Her rifle is also way bigger, more powerful and efficient, as well as her wings. You could shoot the bluhtch with your rifle, if it wasn't actually so stupid and useless looking. Maybe you could beat her to death with this, if it didn't look so easily breakable. Though, you still do plan on throwing her out of the throne, out of spite. Killing her would be a really nice idea, too. Maybe, just maybe you could...