Disclaimer: I do not own any piece of the Marvel or View Askewniverse...but you already probably knew that.

JAY AND SILENT BOB

in

MARVEL MUNCHIES!

Chapter 1

At 2:13 PM Eastern Standard Time, Jay and Silent Bob were outside the Quick Stop... as usual.

"I swear to God I've seen him before!"

Jay's husky sidekick gave him a skeptical look.

"I ain't shittin' you. Check this out, me and A-Dog were goin' into the city to scoop up some pure ass Colombian blow this one time, right? So we're crossing the Hudson, and there he is man, swinging across the bridge, in red and blue, Spider-Man."

Silent Bob pointed at Jay, put his thumb and index finger up to his mouth and pretended to inhale.

"Oh, hell yeah, son, we was smokin', but it still don't make it any less true. People were gettin' outta their cars, and taking pictures and shit..."

That's when the door of RST Video swung open.

"Dante, DANTE!" Randal Graves swiftly walked next door to the Quick Stop, shoving Jay out of they way in the process. He entered the store and immediately marched behind the counter to turn on the TV. He was followed by Jay and Silent Bob, who were investigating the commotion, for a lack of anything better to do.

"What the hell, Randal? I've got customers!" Dante yelled out, motioning to the eighty-something year old woman in front of the counter. Randal's head snapped to the woman. He picked her up by the back of her sundress, and threw her out onto the curb outside, along with her groceries.

"Are you fucking insane? What do you think you're doing?!" Dante questioned, his face turning red.

"Eliminating a potential threat is what I'm DOING!" He shouted frantically. Randal turned to Jay and Silent Bob. "Hey, Burn-boy, Tubby, make yourselves useful and go close the shutters."

"Why the hell should I?" Jay asked, indignant look on his face.

"Because I'll give you and your he-bitch here all the free food and smokes you want if you do."

"Yo man, you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? GO!"

Jay and Silent Bob suspiciously glared at video store clerk as they both headed outside.

"What's going on?" Dante asked, confused at his friend's sudden outburst. Randal turned up the volume on the television. Sounds of panic and chaos gradually got louder as the man in the backwards cap held down the "vol +" button.

"It's horrible! Horrible! The Avengers a-and other superhumans are on a rampage here in Times Square! Is that-? Yes, it is! Oh my God! Former American president Colonel America just tore a man in half and is now eating his entrails! Screw this! Ted, drop the camera, we're outta here-"

"Oh my God..." Dante whispered, his eyes glued to the TV, mouth agape.

"I knew it man. How many times did I tell you? Man's constant abuse of science and 'male enhancement' pills would inevitably lead to the manifestation of a zombie horde." Randal ranted as he scanned the aisles of Quick Stop for something hard enough to crush a human skull.

"Yo, clerks. The shutters are stuck." Jay said, coming through the front door, lighting a cigarette, followed by Silent Bob, who did the same. Dante's head rose from inside his hands.

"What do you mean the shutters won't close? Why?!"

"What do I look like, Inspector Gadget? I don't know, probably gum or some shit up there." Jay sat on top of the ice cream cooler.

Randal angrily stomped towards the door, cursing under his breath.

"The fuck's his problem?" Jay asked, blowing smoke through his nose. Silent Bob tapped Jay and pointed at the television.

Luke Cage, The Wasp, and Miss Marvel all hunch over an overweight, screaming man as they each gnawed on a separate limbs. A pair of boots stumble into the scene. Hawkeye falls face down onto the man's belly, and begins eating.

"Awww yeah, Luchbox! Dawn of the Dead! This movie rules!"

Dante continued looking at the screen, his hand over his mouth. Bob tapped Jay again, shook his head side to side, and pointed down.

"No sir, you are not telling me this shit's real..." Jay, Bob, and Dante stared at the TV for the next few minutes.

"Dude, I don't care if she's a zombie, I'd still put the moves on Ms. Marvel."

THaNks FoR ReaDInG! pLEasE pRoCeeD tO cHapTer 2 (and review!)