Excerpt: "Did you love me, Sirius?" he asked, taking him by surprise. "Did? I still do," he admitted and proceeded to mentally kick himself for even thinking it. James finds Lily cheating on him and turns to Sirius for comfort...but was Lily as guilty as James thought?
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters you recognize in this fan fiction. Please do not sue me.
"James! Wait!" called Lily Evans as her boyfriend walked away from her, confused and furious. "It's not what it looks like," she called stupidly, desperately.
The Potter boy stopped his fleeing and turned to face Lily, his faced hard and full of rage. "It's exactly what it looks like Lily! You've ignored me all week and then I find you in a broom closet with…with that Slytherin and kissing!" Without even giving Lily a second to respond, he was gone.
In truth, Lily had been the victim of an elaborate set-up by Severus Snape who had fancied her since their first year at Hogwarts; it was now their seventh. But James wouldn't listen. Not now. He needed time to cool down so Lily let him go.
James ran through the giant castle that was Hogwarts not even knowing where he was headed. He did not stop until running full speed into a solid mass that pushed him backwards. It was another student, but he could not tell who it was due to the tears in his eyes.
"Prongs?" the student asked. "Are you alright?"
He identified who it was by the sound of his voice. "I'm fine, Sirius," he said, trying to lie and failing miserably.
Sirius extended his hand to him and helped him up. "You're not fine, Jamie, but we shouldn't stand in the hallway to talk. Come with me."
Sirius' large hand closed protectively over James' as he led him through the halls and down a passageway, James knew oh so well.
They finally emerged at the far end of the lake in a spot invisible to those looking out the castle windows. Sirius noted how shaken James was, though he had stopped crying, and was more than a little worried.
"It's Lily, Sirius!" exclaimed James as they sat down, relapsing into his tears. Sirius could not imagine what Lily could have done.
"Did you two have a fight?" asked Sirius, trying to get him to open up and elaborate.
"Yes, after I saw her snogging someone else in a broom closet!" James could not say anything after this. Sirius' only response was to wrap his arms around him comfortingly and wait.
Something didn't seem right to Sirius; why would Lily go and cheat on him? At the same time, Sirius felt extremely guilty because, even though James' heart was breaking, he was holding him and felt glad. He was, in fact, so absorbed in his own thoughts that he did not even notice when James stopped crying.
"Sirius?" whispered James, not wanting to break the comfortable silence that had enveloped them. Sirius looked down, acknowledging his presence. "Do you remember...what we had?" He finished his question tentatively as though afraid he'd hit the wrong nerve.
"How could I forget, Jamie?" he questioned in return. "I fell in love with you, but you were to caught up with Lily. Saying that she was the one from day one and I should have known better than to compete with that."
There was a long, pregnant silence, and finally James sighed. They had once again arrived at the reason for their split. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Sirius and James had dated nearly their whole fifth year. At the end, James was convinced that Lily was the one for him and no one else and broke it off with Sirius since he felt that he was cheating on her.
"Did you love me, Sirius?" he asked, taking him by surprise.
"Did? I still do," he admitted and proceeded to mentally kick himself for even thinking it.
Now it was James' turn to be surprised. He had figured that Sirius had gotten over him after he dumped him. "I still love you too." It had been all he needed to hear. He leaned in and kissed Sirius softly, his arms wrapping around his neck.
Sirius naturally returned the kiss but soon pulled away. "What about Lily? I thought you cared for her."
"Exactly. Cared in the past tense," he said, "And I never loved her. We're over and if she has a problem with it, she shouldn't have messed things up in the first place."
Sirius grinned and once again closed the space between their lips. This time, there was no hesitation from either of them, and all their cares were forgotten. Their only thoughts were of each other and an overwhelming desire to be together overcame them completely. After two years of containment, what was undeniably still between them had come to the surface with the admission of their feelings.
The time passed indefinitely, but finally James broke away from Sirius, panting. His hair was ruffled and his lips were slightly swollen from kissing him. His hazel eyes were shining with a certain brilliance that had been missing since his split with Sirius. "We can't do this." Then, seeing the look on Sirius' face, he realized what he was implying. "Not here, anyways. Any student on a walk by the lake could see us."
Sirius nodded, calming the fear that had almost overcome him. For a moment, he had thought he was losing James all over again. Now he realized that he had him closer than ever.
They walked inside and through the deserted corridors. They walked in silence, though each was wondering what the other was thinking. James was thinking about Lily's betrayal, his love for Sirius and why he had not seen it before. Sirius was contemplating where they could go and how lucky he was to have James back.
While trying to think up a place, Sirius began pacing back and forth down a hallway. "Sirius," interrupted James. "What's in that room?" Sirius turned to where he was pointing. There was a wooden door in the middle of the corridor he was not familiar with. He opened the door cautiously and peeked in.
Inside was the perfect setting. The room was dimly lit with candles. In the center, there was a dinner table, on it resting a lovely romantic dinner. On one side of the room, there was a sofa ideal for just sitting and talking. On the other side was a large bed, silky maroon sheets turned down and looking very inviting.
Both Sirius and James tried to ignore the bed, neither wanting the other to think them to promiscuous. James said quietly, "What is this place?"
"I don't know," replied Sirius, "but whatever it is, it's giving us free dinner. Shall we?" James smiled and nodded, and they both sat down to dinner.
It is just like old times, James decided, as he and Sirius were relaxing on the couch after their meal. "I missed you so much," he told Sirius.
"I missed you too," he replied leaning in and kissing him. Soon their kisses had become much deeper and their hands had started roaming. James had removed Sirius' shirt, and Sirius was working on James'.
Suddenly Sirius pulled away and said, panting, "We have to stop. You and I both know what'll happen if we keep going."
"So let it happen," said James, a firm resolve showing through his eyes.
"Are you completely sure?" Sirius asked as they lied in bed together.
"Yes," was James' answer, and they proceeded without further interruption.
James and Sirius returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, content with each other's company. Before they entered, however, James turned to Sirius and asked, "Will you go in first? And distract Lily if she's there. I'm not in the mood to hear her lousy excuses."
"Sure," Sirius assured him, not sure, if he could stand looking at Lily. But he supposed he could be civil.
Sure enough, Lily was in the common room, sitting in the chair by the fire, her hands covered her face, her shoulders heaving…she was crying. Sirius approached him, hoping he did not look too disheveled. "Hey Lils, what's up?" He tried to keep his voice light and carefree but found he could not.
Luckily, Lily, in her bad mood, did not notice. Her face still in her hands she said, her voice muffled, "He left me, Sirius. For something I didn't even do."
"Who, James?" Sirius asked, feigning confusion. Something was off. He knew that Lily would tell him if he cheated on James.
"Yeah, It was Snape," Lily said. Sirius nodded. Severus Snape…the Slytherin who had been after Lily for as long as James been after Lily. "Well, he dragged me into a broom closet and began kissing me. That second James walked in and he misunderstood the situation and took off."
"Well, Lily, it sure seemed like more than a second," snorted Sirius, not ready to let Lily off the hook that easily. He inwardly kicked himself, realizing he had said that aloud.
"Alright, it was more than a second," Lily admitted.
In Sirius' mind, the excuse was a little dodgy, but he really did believe Lily. It would have been so much easier for him to deny what Lily was saying, to take the easy way out, but not only did Sirius believe Lily, who would never lie to anyone, Sirius would never be able to date James openly if he had hurt Lily.
"How could this be happening?" Sirius moaned, again speaking aloud without realizing this.
Lily, making an incorrect assumption as to what Sirius was talking about, said, "I don't know, Sirius. One day everything's wonderful, and the next day, I'm being yelled at for cheating."
Sirius looked above the chair Lily was sitting in and saw James standing a few feet away. Lily, who in her chair had her back to the Common Room, did not see him. James signaled for him to meet him out in the corridor, having heard all that Lily had to say.
James was shocked. There were only three things that he knew to be true anymore: Lily would never lie to anyone, Lily had not been a willing part of what had happened, and he had slept with Sirius. The world had never felt as confusing to him as it did at that moment. "What have I done?" he muttered to himself, pacing back and forth outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. He ran his fingers through his already unkempt hair, trying to make sense of his life.
"Girl troubles?" asked the Fat Lady sympathetically.
"Something like that," James replied, trying to keep the tears from flowing freely. He, James Potter, had just cheated on his girlfriend and had sex with his best friend.
"Don't worry," said the Fat Lady. "That Lily Evans is a nice girl. I'm sure things will be fine."
James was on the verge of breaking down when the portrait swung open and Sirius came out.
They only looked at each other, an awkward silence passing between them. Sirius finally broke it. "What do we do now?"
"Let's go back to that room and talk about it," replied James. Sirius nodded, and they headed back from where they came. When they entered the room this time, it was different. The bed was gone, and there was only a couch for them to sit on.
"James…" Sirius started, but trailed off.
"It's alright Sirius," James said. "I know what you're going to say…," he said, the tears beginning to fall.
"Do you really love Lily?" he asked with baited breath, his head in his hands.
"I told you, I don't love Lily," James said. Sirius looked up, surprised. "Not yet, anyways," he said. He felt torn. Sirius and Lily were both such good people, and they were the closest friends James had ever had. "I have to go back to Lily," he said, a mixture of hurt and resolve in his voice.
Sirius, while sad, let out a little sigh of relief. James had made the choice that he did not want to be responsible for. "Don't do this," He said even though he knew what was to be done
"You and I both know that I have to go back to Lily," James said, avoiding his gaze.
"Do you think…do you think that you could love Lily one day?" Sirius asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"I think so," he replied uncertainly.
"Then you're making the right decision," he said. The most important thing to Sirius was that James was happy. "Oh and James?" he turned to him, and he kissed him passionately one last time. "I just want you to know that I'll always love you, even if it's from a distance, and I'll always be here for you and I'll always be your best friend."
"I'll always love you too," James replied, leaning against him, not wanting to let go completely.
Seconds, minutes and possibly hours blended together as they sat, in their own private world, desperate to prolong their last time together. They had loved, lost, found each other again and lost it again just as quickly.
James' heart felt heavy when he finally disentangled himself from Sirius and stood up. "I should go find Lily now," he half-whispered, half-said, not meeting his gaze. His eyes had returned to a duller hazel. "Goodbye Sirius," he said, turning on his heel and leaving before he changed his mind.
"Goodbye James," Sirius said to the rich mahogany wood of the door he had just walked out. From that day on, he would accept that James Potter would never be his again. Sirius was left in the magical room, suddenly feeling more cold and alone than he had ever felt in his life.
End of Chapter
A/n: What do you think? I was feeling angsty and wrote this.
Hope you enjoyed it and remember review!
Love,
Prongs
xxx