The coffin was simple and the viewing was not at all crowded. Not very many people showed up. All of the ASBOs were there and of course Nathan's parents came, but everyone left shortly after arriving. Kelly sat in the pews, head bowed, and began to cry. On the other side of the room, an invisible mourner remained as he had been for hours: perfectly still, gaze fixed on the coffin in the front of the room.
It's my fault. I could've saved him. If I had gotten there earlier, if I had been stronger, he wouldn't have died. Kelly turned her head, but showed no sign that she had heard the thoughts.
Eventually, even Kelly left the room, mascara lines covering her face from the tears of mourning. But, the invisible boy stayed in his seat until the funeral home pall bearers came to take the body away. He followed them, eyes never moving from the coffin.
The funeral service was just as simple and lightly attended as the viewing. All but one of the mourners had tears flowing from their eyes. The one dry-eyed mourner was not sad; he was distraught. As much as his eyes wanted to cry, he couldn't. It wasn't time yet.
Everyone started walking away, only the ASBOs remained.
Eventually Alisha spoke up. "We should celebrate." There was a silence and the pale boy clenched his jaw. "Not celebrate like, 'Whoo! I'm so happy!' Just like, you know… Can we just go for a drink?"
The ASBOs filed out of the graveyard.
The club music was loud and the people danced with hypnotized glazes on their eyes. Everyone else was happy and free from the pain of the world. But the ASBOs, they just sat there, lingering in the aftermath of their loss. The pale boy felt the sting of the silence stronger than the others and he raised his beer bottle. "To Nathan."
The others placed their glasses gently against his in remembrance, and Curtis let out a light-hearted "Prick." The pale boy could see the pain hiding behind Kelly's face and it roused in him the same feeling that had coursed through him at the viewing and the funeral: guilt. He already punished himself for his inability to save him, he couldn't have Kelly do the same.
Up on the roof, he thought to her, I tried to save him. There was nothing I could do. I'm sorry.
She had heard him, but she couldn't take it right then. "I'm gonna go," Kelly announced. Alisha softly urged her to stay, but she just said she would see them Monday. The pale boy excuse himself and followed her out.
He felt the two disc cases within his jacket and pulled out the front one as he approached her outside the club. "Kelly," he called from right behind her. "This is for you."
She took it, puzzled. "What is it?"
"Just watch it…" She gave a sort of look of gratitude and walked away.
He sat at the foot of the tall boy's grave. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let this happen to you. I tried to save you, but I couldn't. I just wish I could go back and change it. I just wish you were still alive. You made me feel noticed. Sure, you made fun of me the whole time, but, that's just who you are… were…"
The correction brought up some strange feeling inside him. It made the loss so much worse than just losing a friend should be. The tears that had been sitting on the edge all day finally welled up in his eyes and began to stream down his face. He wanted to hide away from this harsh reality, to fade away to some happier place. He did fade away, but he wasn't any happier.
A/N: This is the first chapter of what I hope will go for a while. Let me know what you think. I know this chapter is short and a little bit angsty, but that's just how my stories tend to start. This will be slash, btw. Please Review ;)