Not Goodbye

Basically what happened on the show with a different ending because I just couldn't believe that Bellamy would let her go.

They were there together, safe at last. It had been so long since either of them had felt safe. They were still recovering from losses, but they had succeeded in getting most of their people out safely. But why couldn't they celebrate. He knew why. They had become monsters. He'd taken lives before, far too many of them, but he'd never understood what he was doing at the time. They'd had no other choice. They both knew that. It didn't make them feel any better. Who were they to decide whose lives were worth more than others? Were they playing God? No. They were just scared children, forced to make the worst decision to save those that they loved. Who could honestly say that they wouldn't have done the same?

"I think we deserve a drink." He commented. Maybe the alcohol would soothe the sickly feeling in his stomach, the one that was reminding him of his guilt.

"Have one for me." He frowned. He knew that she was going through the same thing as he was, but worse, much worse. Clarke always tried so hard to be the good guy. She just didn't understand. Sometimes there is no good guy. It wasn't black and white, all shades of grey. Yes they were responsible for all of those deaths, but were any of those people truly innocent. Over the years they had taken so many lives themselves, to keep themselves alive. Surely pulling that lever was exactly the same.

"Hey. We'll get through this." He knew they would. Together. Because it wasn't just Clarke who had the blood on her hands. It was on him and Monty and all of the others who they had saved. If they could share the burden, it would be lighter. They would forgive each other, and work towards forgiving themselves. He remembered what she had said to him the last time he was worried about deaths. She reminded him that it was all about your perspective. Instead of being worried about the people who had died, he had to focus on the people he had saved. That was the only way to get through this.

"I'm not going in."

"Look. If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven. Please come inside." He was feeling desperate now. Clarke was so stubborn; nothing he said would make her change her mind, but he had to try anyway. The people needed her. Fine, he'd admit it, he needed her. He needed her more than anything. She kept him strong and reminded him of his humanity. Without her, he doesn't know where he'd be. He'd have fled when the others from the arc had arrived and would probably be lying dead in a ditch somewhere if it wasn't for Clarke.

"Take care of them for me."

"Clarke-."He tried one last time. Tried to persuade her to stay. But she interrupted him before he could even start his point.

"No. Seeing their faces every day is just going to remind me of what I did to get them here." He couldn't believe that she was trying to take all of the blame, all of the guilt. It wasn't hers to bear. But Clarke was always going to be the martyr, and she was so strong. She'd take the blame so he didn't have to, so none of them did. He couldn't let her do that to herself.

"What we did." He corrected her, trying to make her see sense. "You don't have to do this alone." If she needed him, he'd be there in an instant. He would hold her at night if her nightmares prevented her from sleeping. He would be there constantly, reminding her of his vow to protect her. He'd protect her from anything if she'd let him. But Clarke was too stubborn, and Bellamy didn't know what to say.

He saw her looking back into the camp, at her family and friends. Their wounds being tended to. He knew in that moment that it was over. There was nothing he could say or do to get her to stay, even if he begged her she would still leave him.

"I bear it so they don't have to." She repeated the words that they had heard from Dante earlier. Bellamy flinched, knowing exactly what had happened to the man not much later.

"Where you gonna go?" At least if she was leaving, he had to know how to find her. He needed to know that if he needed her help on a decision or in leading the people or just needed to see her face again, that he could go out and get her. Otherwise, this goodbye would be real. He would never see her again.

"I don't know." She replied. She gently touched her lips to his cheek and pulled him into a tight hug. "May we meet again." She spoke softly into his ear.

"May we meet again." He replied feeling numb. The pain he felt at the fact he might never see her again was a thousand times worse than how he had been feeling before. She just walked away, didn't even look back. He waited until she was out of sight and turned back towards Camp Jaha. He couldn't have done anything to stop her.

That thought echoed in his mind. No, he couldn't have stopped her. But he couldn't let her leave on her own. He made a split-second decision. One that meant leaving his friends, his sister. Leaving the group to fend for themselves. But he knew that if he didn't follow her, he would regret it forever.

He sprinted after Clarke. When he finally caught up with her, she turned to face him, confused.

"Remember what I said to you. Who we are and who we need to survive are very different things. I know you think that you're a monster, but it was the only way. You remind me of my humanity, who I really am. You stop me from making stupid decisions. Now I'm not here to convince you to go back, because I know that you won't. I'm here because I can't live without you. I love you Clarke. So if you're doing this, I'm coming with you."

Clarke looked at him blankly while she tried to process what was going on.

"You're thinking too much." Bellamy smirked, before pressing his lips to hers. He took her hand, and they walked off into the forest together. No matter what they would find, they would get through it, as long as they had each other.