A/N: So, I finally finished watching the last episode of Durarara!, and I desperately wanted them to end it with Izaya and Shizuo being named "cutest couple," as Erika suggested. Alas, it was not to be… until now! I don't really ship Shizaya, but… come on, it would have been hilarious. I hope Izaya-kun isn't too out of character, but I can see him doing pretty much anything to get under Shizuo's , and just a note, the original dialogue and plot remains intact for a few paragraphs, just to set the mood. Happy reading!
Ikebukuro's Cutest Couple
. . .
Shizuo didn't flinch as the short knife flashed through the air. He deftly caught it between his teeth, and shattered it effortlessly. "You done talking, dead man?"
When no response was forthcoming, Shizuo snatched up a nearby signpost, concrete base and all, with a growl. "IZAYA- you're dead!"
Any normal man would have screamed and ran for it. Any sane man would have fainted. As it was, Izaya just grinned, glad to see his favorite adversary hadn't changed one bit.
The signpost hurtled through the air, and then an enormous cloud of dust and debris engulfed them. Dodging more airborne missiles, Izaya leapt gracefully from building to building, ignoring the shouts from the crowd gathered in the street below. He landed unceremoniously on Simon's head, followed closely by Shizuo, but remained ever out of reach. As per usual.
Dashing down a side street, Shizuo heard the sound of Erika's girly laugh. He sped past the van, but screeched to a halt, his ears burning, as he heard her chuckle, "Don't you see? It turns out the number one couple in all of Ikebukuro is actually Shizu-chan and Iz-"
Erika shrieked as Shizuo's mass of blonde hair forced its way through the window, cracking the glass. "WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!" he bellowed.
A sing-song voice floated down the street. "Shizu-chaaan, I thought you were chasing me. I'm starting to get bored, want me to stir things up a little?"
Shizuo snarled and withdrew his head from the window, leaving handprints in the side of the van. He pelted after Izaya, since the other man's idea of "stirring things up" usually meant throwing knives at random pedestrians. He still had no idea where Izaya kept all of those, anyway. You'd think wandering around with a jacket full of knives would be uncomfortable, but apparently not.
Finally, he caught up with Izaya, in the middle of the square. Sign posts littered the streets like a metal graveyard. A large crowd had formed a ring around them, waiting for the situation to explode.
It was at this point that Kasuka ambled into the picture. The crowd parted to make way for the daring celebrity, and even the two opponents broke away from their death-glares to stare at him.
"K-Kasuka?" Shizuo huffed, clearly out of breath from chasing Izaya all around (and overtop of) Ikebukuro.
Pulling his best talk-show-host face, Kasuka beamed at the camera. "Yuhei Hanejima here, at the scene of the latest uproar in Ikebukuro. There seems to have been some sort of fight. A lover's quarrel, perhaps?"
Shizuo could feel his left eye beginning to twitch.
Kasuka grinned mischievously at his brother, then turned back to the camera. "I think we should interview them, since we are still in search of the city's cutest couple."
"WE - ARE - NOT - A - COUPLE!" Shizuo raged, throwing in a few profanities between breaths, for good measure.
But someone had other ideas. A malevolent spark in his dark eyes, Izaya threw himself at Shizuo. "But darling! Your words are daggers in my soul, how could you deny our love?"
Shizuo seemed to have forgotten how to move (and pummel), which Izaya took full advantage of. Grabbing the taller man's hand, he fell to his knees and shouted, "I will never deny that we are lovers, Shizu-chan! I will proclaim my love to the world!"
Izaya yanked himself back to his feet, and then- he did the unforgivable. He planted a big, wet kiss, right on Shizuo's lips.
Shizuo's vision literally started to go red, interrupted by white flashes as a thousand cell phones snapped their new wallpaper photos.
Finally, he regained control of his motor functions, and a well-placed knee to the ribs sent Izaya sprawling on the ground a few feet away.
Coughing weakly, with unfocused eyes, he dramatically clawed at the air with one shaking hand. "I still love you, Shizu-chan. Always. Alwaaaays," he whispered, before his hand dropped onto his chest, and his eyes fluttered closed.
The crowd gasped. Kasuka whispered, "Did you get that on film?" A little girl started crying. Shizuo stalked towards Izaya's limp body, and gave it his best "Starlight Kick!". Izaya went flying over a few buildings, calling out, "Catch you later Shizu-chan," as he went.
Shizuo howled in frustration as he crashed after him, cutting a wide path through the gawking crowd.
. . .
Later that evening, Celty and Shinra sat comfortably together on the couch, and flipped on the television. Kasuka was at the point of "interviewing" Shizuo and Izaya. The pair were at a loss for words as they watched the entire scene play out on national TV.
As Shizuo lumbered away through the crowd after Izaya, the camera refocused on Kasuka. "Well, folks, there you have it. I think we have officially found Ikebukuro's cutest couple! They will both be asked to join me in my next movie. Er, that is, if both of them are still alive. Goodnight everybody! Stay beautiful, Ikebukuro!"
As Shinra switched the TV off in mute shock, a single wail could be heard cutting through the night.
"IIIZAAAYAAAAA!"