"Two is Company, Sixteen is a Horde!"
Written by: ProRodeoCowgirl
Rating: T
Genre: action/adventure/comedy
Summary: Best friends Morgan Turner and Jade Sparra get thrown (once again) into Middle Earth…unlike before, however, they find themselves thrown into the events of The Hobbit. What kind of ridiculous mischief will they wreak, what manner of delicious romance will they find, what mounds of treasure will they horde? Read to find out!
Author's note: co-written by my real-life best friend, Captain Jade Sparrow. I have her permission to use some of her settings and her character, Jade Sparra.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related in any way to Middle Earth, and hereby decree that New Line Cinema has all rights to The Hobbit, if and whenever they finally get around to making it; I also decree that from now on the third day of September is
officially International Legolas & Aragorn Day…now, on to the story!!
Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins!
It was a bright, beautiful day…the woods were teeming with life, the sun was beaming down upon the canopy, illuminating the forest with sweet, honeydew rays…
'My ass,' thought Jade, dodging as a limb tipped a dreary load of murky rainwater directly into her path. 'Maybe deciding to ride horses today wasn't such a great idea after all,' she said to her sorrel stallion, Ice. As if in reply, Ice nickered softly and bobbed his head, chomping doggedly on his bit as he plodded down the trail.
"First sign you're starting to go crazy," came a voice from behind Jade, "you talk to your horse like he's human. No wonder everyone calls you the 'Horse Whisperer'!"
Jade craned around in the saddle to see her best friend, Morgan, smiling cheekily at her from aboard her palomino mare, Jets. Jade drew herself up proudly and replied,
"Well, I'm saner than you! At least I'm not riding a walking time bomb!"
Right on cue, Jets spooked violently as a second load of rainwater cascaded down from the boughs overhanging the trail. Morgan shook her head in exasperation.
"Way to prove her point, Jets!" she scolded.
Jade laughed softly and turned back to the front of the saddle, giving Ice a free reign to pick his way through the mud puddles and general slop. This morning, Jade had woken up to find the day cool, overcast, and unfortunately, devoid of any electricity whatsoever due to the storm which had rumbled across the county last night. Bored to hell and back, she called up her best friend Morgan at 6 A.M. (earning a not-so-friendly phone greeting from Morgan's mom) and asked if she wanted to go trail riding, since (she correctly pointed out) there was nothing else to do. They couldn't watch TV; they couldn't watch their favorite movies, The Lord of the Rings, as they had planned (and as Jade said, "What's the point of reading the books, it takes longer and you don't have the eye-candy!" Morgan heartily agreed with this statement, as she had a die-hard crush on the Orlando Bloom-portrayed Legolas); and they couldn't go to work or school, since it was late summer and neither option was available ("Thank the Lord!" Moran had sighed). In other words, it was trail ride in the backwoods of Jade's farm or waste a perfectly good day watching weeds grow. "After all," Jade had persuaded in her matter-of-fact-sarcastic way, "if we go trail riding, we can ride horses, talk about the Lord of the Rings, and watch weeds grow all at the same time! Really, a very culturally enriching activity, trail riding." How on earth could Morgan have argued with that logic? Consequently, about 9 A.M., Morgan cranked up her mom's Chevy, loaded Jets up in the horse trailer, and trucked out to the farm to find Jade already tacked up and waiting on her. After making a quick detour by the equipment shed to fetch their bows, arrows, and swords (which neither Jade's nor Morgan's mom knew existed – the girls had agreed it probably wouldn't go over so well for their moms to learn they practiced hand-to-hand combat with real weapons), they headed out to the far back forest of the place, gossiping and chawing about Lord of the Rings as they rode. Morgan, as previously mentioned, was a hands-down fan of Legolas, while Jade preferred Aragorn (although secretly, Morgan thought to herself that Jade was much better suited to Gimli!); the two often found themselves in constant argument as to which of the men (or elf, as the case may be) was the best. Today was an exception, however; the wet, slippery trail was hilly and rocky, and required all their attention on their horses, leaving no room for arguments. Three times already, Jets had spooked, and Jade had nearly been thrown when Ice slipped going up a steep, soggy embankment. Currently, the two girls were hunting for a small clearing in which to rest both themselves and their tired horses. The storm the night before, however, had blown down so many trees and cluttered the trail so badly with debris that Jade was having difficulty locating the clearing, a serious blow to her ego as she was a master woodswoman.
"Bugger," Jade muttered, more than slightly put out.
"COME AGAIN?" Morgan yelled, right beside her, causing Jade to jump royally.
"Wraith-spit, Morg!" Jade cursed. "I'm two bloody feet from you!"
"Which is exactly why I yelled, you were too bloody quiet," exclaimed Morgan. Jade "hmph-ed" and rode forward a few strides to better examine her surroundings. There were a few moments of silence as she contemplated the area.
… "You're lost, aint'cha."
"Dammit no, I'm not lost, Morg!"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yep."
"NO I'M NOT!!"
"Oh well then, I expect you're simply taking a lovely moment to say 'good jolly morning' to all the sticks and weeds, then?"
"I – I like those moments!" Jade sputtered; "I like to wave at them as they pass by!"
"Uh huh."
Jade shot Morgan an evil eye worthy of Emperor Palpatine. Morgan smirked and as Jade fumed, she leaned down to take a sip of water from her canteen. She had just raised it to her lips, the reins slack. There was no warning; a loud cracking sound suddenly echoed throughout the woods. Jade's brown hair shot with electricity as a pine thirty yards away erupted in white fire. Deafened by the strike and holding on for dear life, Jade watched in horror as Jets bolted wild-eyed down through the forest, Morgan hanging off her side with no stirrups or reins. Knowing it was stupid, but knowing she had no choice, Jade quickly spurred Ice into a gallop after Morgan, cutting and slipping through the trees in an effort to reach her friend. Morgan held onto the pommel of her saddle with a death grip, muscles straining, praying that the mare wouldn't fall on her. Her eyes clenched, Morgan heard Jade's scream of warning a split second before it happened: she opened her eyes quickly just in time to see –
WHAM!
Morgan slammed against the tree as Jets scraped by in a frantic jump; pain erupted throughout her body as, in seeming slow motion, she fell free from the saddle. She was unconscious before she ever hit the forest floor.