Chapter One – Iruka's First day

Reason #1 – I'm a ninja.

Iruka drove slowly down the narrow alley holding his cell phone to his ear thinking, damnit - I'm lost. And on my first day back in Konoha, too.

"Naruto, your directions suck!" Iruka yelled into his phone.

"Iruka, I'm sorry! I thought it was a shortcut..." Naruto said with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I'll turn on my GPS like I should have in the first place." Iruka growled as he slowed his BMW to a stop. He reached over and took a sip of his café mocha and then set his Starbucks back down.

"I know you're going to be great, Iruka!" Naruto continued enthusiastically. "You deserve this promotion!"

"Yeah, thanks Naruto." Iruka sighed.

Iruka gripped his iPhone to his shoulder as he turned his attention to the dashboard on his car. It was new and he scowled at the instrument panel in consternation. He pushed the buttons tentatively, hoping to hear something that sounded like GPS. He knew when he had purchased the vehicle that it had a GPS system, he just wasn't exactly sure how to make it work. He leaned over and pulled out the instruction manual and glared at it, too.

Today was his first day as the co-branch manager for the prestigious downtown office of Uchiha Insurance Company. He had previously been working his way up through the underwriting department over in Amegakure, and he was glad to be back in his home town. He had worked for the company for over ten years and the promotion did feel great. Insurance wasn't exactly what he had wanted to do with his life, but, well that was another regret for another day. Iruka shoved those thoughts aside. He was very glad to be back in Konoha, though. Amegakure was nice and all, but there was nothing like Konoha. Naruto was here going to University and he had missed his friends as well as their foster father, Jiraiya. The promotion and extra money was pretty nice, too.

"You're not late, yet, Iruka." Naruto reminded him. "Stop stressing. I can hear it in your voice."

Iruka looked at his watch. The dial on his sleek stainless steel Movado watch showed he still had an hour to get to work. Naruto was right. He was still early.

"Stop worrying." Naruto chided.

There was a sharp rap on Iruka's glass window. Iruka eeped and looked out his window and almost dropped his phone. There was a very tall tattooed man standing there. He had blue hair and tattooed gills on his neck, as well as tattooed fish of every description all over his arms, chest and neck that picked out from the wife-beater t-shirt he was wearing. Iruka's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and if he admitted it to himself, a small bit of alarm.

"May I help you?" Iruka asked, still holding the phone to his ear, hoping the bizarre blue-haired-tattooed-man hadn't heard his distinctly un-manly 'eep'.

"Did you need directions or something, mister?" The blue-haired-tattooed-man asked politely. Then he smiled.

Iruka blinked.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked over the phone. "Is some hentai bothering you? HENTAI!" Naruto shouted loudly through his iPhone. "Just leave Iruka! Petal to the metal-!"

The blue-haired-tattooed-man obviously heard Naruto yelling even through the phone, and through the glass. Naruto had a very loud voice. The blue-haired-tattooed-man cracked another friendly smile.

"Naruto, hold on a second." Iruka said and looked out his window.

Beyond the man that had approached him, there were a few other men. Iruka took in the alleyway around him – he was parked in the passage behind some restaurant apparently. There were two men playing shogi at a small crooked table. One of the men was had a dark beard and was smoking and staring at the board intently. He had a few tattoos, too.

The man he was playing shogi with was sitting cross-legged and not appearing to be paying too much attention to the game. He was actually reading porn. He had a shock of silvery-white hair that looked as if he hadn't combed it in the last decade. It was standing at attention haphazardly, and half in his face. He was holding a leash to a pug, who was, yes, Iruka leaned and peered closer up against his window, the pug was peeing on the wheel of his BMW. Iruka hadn't even catalogued the most bizarre thing about that man yet. He had an honest-to-god eye patch. Who wears an eye patch? What the hell? It's not Halloween! And, wait, Iruka thought he was also wearing some sort of surgeon's mask over part of his face; over his nose and mouth. Iruka just stared at the man for a moment and then he shook his head. Ridiculous.

Iruka rolled down his window with a flick of his finger.

"Yes, I am lost." Iruka stated.

The blue-haired-tattooed-man nodded. "What are you looking for?"

"Iruka don't ask strange men for directions! They're all hentai!" Naruto continued to shout on the phone. "HENTAI!"

"Naruto, shut up." Iruka said to his phone. "Will I see you for dinner?"

"Yeah. I gotta get to class anyways." Naruto said. "Tell Sasuke he's a teme for me, ne?"

"Bye, Naruto." Iruka said and hung up then set his iPhone in the cup holder next to his Starbucks.

"Who's Naruto?" The bizarre white-haired old man asked who was reading the porn asked. He didn't even stop reading his porn. The man didn't even look up. How rude!

"I'm sorry; I don't think that's any of your business." Iruka said with a frown.

"Well, he called me a strange man, and he called me hentai, I think it makes it my business." The man stated.

Iruka huffed and straightened his tie.

"Look, you're sitting there reading porn, old man. I don't know you and you're sitting there at 6:30 am reading porn in a back alley with two strange men while your dog pisses on my car. I think that makes you significantly hentai." Iruka barked out, his voice raising in anger.

The blue-haired-tattooed-man and the bearded-smoking man both turned to look at Iruka and burst out laughing.

The smoking man pointed his cigarette at Iruka. "He put you in your place, Kakashi."

"I'm looking for the Uchiha Insurance Company." Iruka asked, reaching over to adjust his cufflinks.

The bearded man smiled warmly. "Well, you found it."

"Huh?" Iruka said in confusion.

"This alley backs up to it." The bearded man pointed to the sign above the door they were playing shogi by. The sign read "ANBU" – Iruka vaguely had heard of it. It was the name of a very popular restaurant. I guess they must work there, he thought to himself. Iruka looked at the men again. They were dressed in baggy blue and white stripped pants with rubber shoes on, which was rather odd. But he knew nothing of the restaurant business. He shrugged.

"So do you guys work at that restaurant?" Iruka looked confused.

"I guess you could say that." The blue-haired-tattooed-man said in a low rumbling voice.

"UIC - The Uchiha Insurance Company takes up that whole block." The beard man pointed towards the other side of the alley, where every other door was clearly labeled with the fan logo for the Uchiha Insurance Company. Iruka laughed, flushing with embarrassment and reached up to scratch at the scar on his nose. If he had only looked up – he would have seen it for himself.

"Hai!" Iruka said. "I feel a little silly."

The blue-haired-tattooed-man shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

Just then, one of the Uchiha Insurance Company doors opened and a man stepped out, he was youngish with a his long hair pulled up in a pony tail and his hands shoved into his pockets as he fished out a cigarette.

"Troublesome...hey Asuma, do you have a light?" The man asked as he crossed the alley.

"Shikamaru!" Iruka called out, waving from inside his car. He was surprised to see the man in the office so early, actually. The lazy bastard was always trying to get out of work.

The man looked over, clearly surprised to see Iruka in the alley, and then smiled. He walked over. "What are you doing in the alley, uhh...Umino-san?"

"Iruka is fine, Shikamaru. Please, please...no formalities." Iruka smiled. "I got a little lost this morning. Can I get in through that back door? I wanted to bring my stuff into my office." Iruka asked.

"Sure, Iruka. It's good you came in early. You know Izumo and Ko are planning a little party..."

Iruka smiled and blushed slightly a little as he got out of the car. He hopped over the trail of urine as he did so, shooting a glare over at the old man who was still reading his porn.

"So why are you ruining the surprise, Shika?" Iruka laughed, straightened his muted blue and grey striped tie and picked up his briefcase, then buttoned his trim black suit.

"Well, because it's such a drag to keep it a secret." Shikamaru sighed and walked over to Asuma to get a light. He cupped a hand around it as he sucked on it, and then blew the smoke out for a moment, obviously enjoying it.

"Well, I wouldn't want to put you out, Shika." Iruka muttered as he walked around to the trunk of his BMW and bent over to pick up a box of his things that had been in his office in Amegakure. He felt eyes on him and he turned his head around. That old man, the one-eyed hentai pervert, he was looking at his ass! Iruka glared at him, picked up the box and then slammed the trunk to his car for good measure.

"Is it okay to leave my car parked out here for a few minutes?" Iruka asked the restaurant workers. He directed his question towards the bearded one and the blue-haired one, since he was still giving glares towards the one-eyed hentai one.

"Yeah, it's fine." The bearded guy said. "My name is Asuma by the way." He held his hand out, still smoking.

Iruka juggled the box and briefcase in his arms. "Iruka."

"Nice to meet you." Asuma said. "First day, huh?"

He laughed a little. "Yeah, just transferred from Amegakure."

Asuma puffed on his cigarette and pointed to the blue-haired man. "That's Kisame. Best sushi chef in all of the five lands."

Iruka nodded, suitably impressed. "Nice to meet you. I like sushi; I'll have to come by sometime."

The old man, hentai pervert was still sitting there reading his damn porn. The pug had wandered over and was now sniffing Iruka's shoes. If he peed on his beautiful, expensive black leather shoes, he was going to strangle the man with the dog's leash. No, he would probably enjoy that, the hentai.

"And that's Kakashi." The bearded man pointed towards the old pervert reading his porn.

"You're Umino Iruka." The man stated, peering at him over the top of his porn. Then he giggled slightly. Seriously. He giggled or tittered or something of the sort.

Iruka restrained himself from narrowing his eyes at the undignified response that the old man brought out in him. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. He would not yell at this vulgar, perverted, hentai restaurant worker at – he looked at his watch – 6:45am.

"Uhh...yeah. That's me." Iruka replied stiffly then looked down at the pug who was rubbing its head against his nicely pressed and hemmed pant legs. Leaving lots of little tan hairs-! Iruka backed away. Damnit, he didn't want to go work on his first day covered in dog hair!

"Pakkun likes you." The man, Kakashi said, jingling the leash in his hand.

"Okay, he's cute – I just don't want dog hair on my pants, ne?" Iruka said with a laugh. "First day and all."

Iruka's phone rang again in his pocket. The ringtone was the Icha Icha Paradise theme-song. Iruka rolled his eyes – damn Naruto, he must have set that up when he wasn't paying attention. He looked at who it was – it was their foster father, Jiraiya.

Kakashi's eye lit up as Iruka turned away to answer the phone call.

"Dad, what's up?" Iruka asked quietly, trying to muffle the conversation. "I only have a second."

"I can't call my Son on his first day?" Jiraiya asked, sounding offended.

"I'm surprised you're even awake, old man!" Iruka groused, imagining the other man pouting on the other end.

"Well...I kind of needed a favor..." His foster father wheedled.

"Dad!" Iruka sighed. "Now really isn't a good time for me."

"Just one more book, please? You're the best editor I know." Jiraiya pleaded.

"Fine. But you're going to sign with UIC for another five years." Iruka demanded. "Make an appointment with Hinata today."

"Yes, anything." Jiraiya sounded pleased. "And also the movie script?"

"The movie script too?" Iruka groaned and tapped his foot impatiently. "Fine, but I want extra points. And a bonus!"

"Thank-you, Son! You're awesome!" His Father said happily sounding remarkably like Naruto in that moment.

"Oh, Dad...If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic."

"That hurts, Son, that hurts." Jiraiya sounded sad. Then immediately bounced back in his manner. "We're still on for dinner tonight at Ichiraku's, right?"

"Yes, I'll see you at seven." Iruka said and hung up the phone, pocketing his iPhone.

He looked around and realized everyone had been listening to his conversation. He shrugged and said: "Parents." As if that explained everything.

Asuma and Shikamaru nodded.

"Hey, Shikamaru, can you show me to my office? I want to get settled." Iruka asked.

"Yeah, yeah." Shika dropped his cigarette butt to the ground and put it out with the bottom of his black loafer.

"Umino Iruka." Kakashi said suddenly, which stopped Iruka's forward momentum. He paused still feeling awkward, holding his box of things and his briefcase.

"Yes?" Iruka quirked an eyebrow.

"Would you like to go out sometime?" Kakashi asked Iruka man casually. So casually in fact, he didn't even look up from his porn.

Kakashi was reading Icha Icha Paradise V. 6. Iruka snorted to himself, internally. Icha Icha Paradise. Jiraiya, his foster father, wrote the damn things. And for the past five years, had been wheedling, pleading, begging and outright bribing him to edit the cursed things. Iruka had been trying to put better stories into them – interject more humor and plot into them. But Jiraiya usually came back in when he was done and would cut some of it and add in extra smutty scenes. Curse that man! It was vaguely odd to work on what was basically porn with his father-figure, but they had come to an understanding to it. They discussed it scientifically. And it helped that Iruka was gay, so the sex scenes with women were all rather academic anyways.

"Why are you wearing a mask on your face?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head and looked slightly awkward. Then he laughed and said, "I'm a ninja?"

Asuma and Kisame laughed.

Iruka snorted then shuffled the box in his hands.

"I'm sorry, I don't date the elderly." Iruka stated archly. "Or the feeble-minded. I think you might be both."

Kakashi's mouth opened and closed twice behind his mask.

Iruka grinned rakishly, saluted the group in goodbye and then turned to follow a smirking Shikamaru into the Uchiha Insurance Company office building.

"I think I'm in love." Kakashi sighed dramatically.

"Oh, crap." Asuma said with feeling.

A/N: Well, There's the first chapter of my newest fic into the madness of the mind that is Nevis-! This time it is a MODERN-DAY Konoha fic, I know, crazy, right? Well, I hope that made sense. It mostly just to wet your appetite, really, since it's just the first chapter. Don't worry, I will update at least weekly – possibly sooner. Each chapter will alternate between point-of-view's...Iruka-then-Kakashi. Fic will be KakaIru. So, first chapter you get to meet Iruka on his first day (well, morning really). Next chapter will be from Kakashi's point of view and you will see what he's doing over there and find out a little more about this world that I'm creating for you.

Many thanks as always to WhitenyRose and Fred-The-Moose!

Please Review! ^_^