THOUGHTS OF THIEVES
A series of Sly Cooper drabbles by KnightMysterio
All characters not original copyrighted to Sucker Punch and used for non-profit reasons.

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CHAPTER 1 – PENELOPE
OIL AND WATER

Paris, France…++++++++++++++
Four years after the Kaine Island caper…++++++++++++++

"Oil and water…" the short, pale-furred mouse muttered as she tinkered with a small contraption. She wasn't sure what it was for, it had, like so many of the devices she and her lover/partner-in-crime had made since becoming a couple, simply formed in her hands.

She always invented when she was feeling thoughtful. It helped her get her thoughts in order.

She sighed, adjusting her glasses, and turned to her lover, a boyish turtle just a year younger than she, sitting asleep at his desk with his head laying on the table. One hand was drooping on his high-tech wheelchair, and was slowly drifting towards the button that would place a baseball-sized concussion bomb from the seemingly endless supply it had.

Penelope Von Lop just shook her head and smiled. She pushed her chair out slightly and carefully moved Bentley's arm so that it didn't accidentally press a button. Not only did she not want her lover's rest to be disturbed, they WERE also on the run at the moment, and an explosion would not be a good thing to have in their safe house.

Once that was taken care of, she smiled sadly. Oh Bentley… I wish I could do more for you… You've done so much for me…she thought, gently running her finger down the long, thin crack in the turtle's shell, healed over but scarred permanently, a constant reminder of what Clockwerk had done to him…

Strange that he never refers to the Neyla/Clockwerk hybrid as Clock-La, though… she thought, From what he's told me about the incident, it seemed like she was in full control of the Clockwerk frame by that time…

She sighed. "There's still so much I don't understand about all this," she said aloud, going back to her tinkering. "I came into the gang in the middle of all…"

Penelope rolled her eyes and put down her unfinished device. "If I'm gonna monologue, I might as well make a journal out of it…" she muttered, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a tape recorder, staring to record as she spoke her thoughts out loud, trying to get them in order.

"I guess I shouldn't complain. I have a good life now. I'm dating a master thief who's not only tougher than he looks, but also on my intellectual level. For the first time, I have someone close to me who actually understands what I'm talking about. Quite a change from how I first started out…"

Penelope sighed, her mind wandering back to her past, hearing her mother's shrill, commanding voice yet again.

"PATRICIA ALEXANDRIA MAUS you PUT that down right now! Proper young ladies don't touch filthy things such as workmen's tools!"

Penelope shook her head, stopping the recording. She remembered that day quite clearly. It was her sixth birthday, and her family was holding a celebration in their ancestral castle. She was decked out quite cutely in a bright pink dress and bow. As one of her presents, she was allowed to go anywhere she liked. She asked to investigate the nearby airfield, as she had always wondered what was making those strange noises all day. When she got there, she had been fascinated by what she had seen, the planes flying through the sky, the workmen fixing and repairing them, it was all so wondrous to her. She had wandered off as her parents talked to a regal-looking pilot, a handsome young dingo from Australia, about possibly giving Penelope a aerial trip around the countryside. Penelope took one look at the man, listening to him for about five minutes before deciding that he was boring. She wandered off as her parents talked with the pilot, eventually coming to a forty-something rabbit who was working near the runway on an engine to a single-man biplane. Curious, she had went over to him and struck up a conversation, befriending the mechanic, Smitty, quite quickly.

Penelope impressed Smitty by helping him figure out what was wrong with the engine. The old rabbit was pleased, and offered her a chance to help fix the engine. Penelope eagerly agreed, finding that she had a natural knack for mechanical engines, knowing how to put them back together without having to be told what to do. But before she could get too far, her mother, ever prim and proper, came up to them. She took one look at the grease on Penelope's dress and face, the wrench in her hand, and nearly had a heart attack.

"That's IT, we are GOING HOME!" Penelope's mother said, grabbing her daughter and pulling her roughly along, away from the airfield.

"Ma'am, I'm sure Smitty wasn't hurting her," the dingo pilot said, "He's just a mechanic. Your daughter probably just wanted to help."

Penelope's mother flashed the pilot a look that would have frightened off the giant wolves that lurked in the forests near their castle. "My daughter will grow up a PROPER young lady. She will have the best in EVERYTHING. The best SCHOOLS, the best CLOTHES, the right FRIENDS, EVERYTHING. I will NOT have her associate with… with COMMON HEATHENS."

Penelope stared at her mother in numb shock, the dingo and Smitty looking like they had just been struck. Her father had the good taste to look embarrassed. He tried to apologize to the pilot and the mechanic, but one look from her mother silenced him…

Penelope sighed, the memories coming back quickly. It was the first time she had thought of her mother in years…

Shortly after the airfield incident, Penelope began to lose respect for her mother. All the activities her mother gave her, piano lessons, dance lessons and the like, they were all so boring. She wanted to go back to the airfield, maybe try and help Smitty with the engines again. Her father was more understanding. He snuck her presents such as building blocks and Legos, and even gave Penelope her first RC car. She would amuse herself by playing around with her car, using her building sets to build more and more complex cities to drive it around in. She even made a few improvements to the RC car, making it faster and more maneuverable. She would have to hide everything, of course, when her mother came near her room, but she managed. Her father was so proud of her, of her growing intelligence.

She managed to do keep up her game of bait and switch for three years, until her mother sneaked into her room on her ninth birthday, intent on giving her a prissy-looking porcelain doll as a surprise present.

When she walked in, she found Penelope playing with her toy car in her building set city.

Furious, she smashed through the city like a monster on a rampage, screaming shrilly about improper behavior for a young lady.

She was certainly one to talk about 'improper behavior' while doing THAT, Penelope thought, giggling despite herself. Still, it wasn't a pleasant memory. Because shortly after destroying her city, her most intricate yet, her mother took her beloved RC car and threw it out the window. Penelope ran to the window, trying to catch it, but it had already fallen. And from the savage growling she heard from the forest below, one of the giant wolves had already found the car and tried to eat it.

Penelope turned back to her mother, tears in her eyes, but was only greeted with an overbearing smirk.

"You'll thank me for this someday, you'll see," her mother said, placing the doll she was carrying on the bed, "There. THIS is a proper toy for a beautiful young girl such as you, my little Patty."

Penelope cringed. "Mommy, please don't call me that," she said.

Her mother turned, and saw anger in her daughter's eyes. She sighed, and bent down to wipe the tears away. "Dearest, just stop this. Proper young ladies do not build things, or play around with cars. And they especially don't use their hands like the mechanics at the airfield do. That is work for men, not women."

Penelope glared at her mother. "And what's a woman's work?" she asked.

Her mother shook her head. "You'll understand when you're older," she said, and kissed Penelope on the forehead before leaving the room.

Penelope sighed, and realized that her hand was clenching around the tape recorder, shaking in barely controlled fury. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and started the recording again.

"My dear sweet mother… She wanted the best for me… The problem was, her best was MY WORST… My dad was no help either, she had him so whipped… Neither of them understood me, understood what I could do, what I WANTED to do…" she said, shaking her head, "The last straw came when she threw away my first RC car… It's the only thing I can remember that my dad gave to me out of love, instead of something that was approved by my mother… I ran away shortly after that, and just barely managed to convince Smitty and the other pilots and the mechanics to take me in. Fortunately, my parents were not all that popular amongst the locals, and many of them were looking for payback for how they'd been treated by them. Eventually, when the search came too close, I got the idea of hiding my dress in the forest, tearing it up to look like one of the wolves had gotten me."

She paused briefly at a sound, quickly glancing outside the window. Seeing nothing, she continued her journal recording.

"It's strange… but after they gave up on me, I never missed them… Even when they died and Smitty convinced me to take the castle and family fortune as my inheritance, I never really cared about seeing them again… I guess it's a little different from Sly, who's parents apparently actually gave a damn about what HE wanted, and Bentley and Murray, who never knew their parents at all…"

She sighed, and continued. "Anyway… Smitty was more of a parent to me than my own were. I took a new name, including his surname, and grew up in his hangar. He gave me books to read, allowing me to expand my knowledge base beyond anything I could ever have hoped for. He gave me a new RC car and my first RC helicopter, and taught me everything I know about airplanes and flying. Turns out the old bunny was a former military pilot. Heh…"

Penelope smiled. "It was a hard life, and for the first couple of years I was really missing the luxuries my castle had to offer, but it was a good life. I took up boxing to keep in shape, and read every book in the town's local library. And with the help of Smitty and that dingo pilot, got into college at a very young age," she said, smirking, "It's amazing how much you can learn when you don't have the needless distractions of society to bug you. I graduated just as quickly on a technical degree, but was more than content to stay with Smitty. But as much as I was enjoying myself as an engineer, I found myself wanting to fly… Smitty was more than willing to teach me, but the local pilot's association had an age limit. And while I may have been a mechanical genius, they wouldn't let someone as young as I was become a pilot."

She sighed, and shook her head. "So I decided to play 'let's pretend' once more. My parents had both died, and I had inherited the castle, so I had resources to work with. And that is when the Black Baron first appeared."

Penelope sighed, and looked out the window. "It's strange… I was so proud of my little disguise at first. I would pretend to me a man in his early thirties and get my license, finally getting to fly like I always wanted. I should have known something would go sideways…"

She sighed, and began to remember once more…

"WOW!" the manager of the training airfield said as the Black Baron, Marcus Von Rodigan, came in for a smooth landing, "I've NEVER seen such amazing flying before in my life!"

The dapper pilot hopped out of his plane and landed easily on his feet, chuckling. "My dear boy," the Black Baron said, "Some things just come naturally to people. For me, the skies are as easy to conquer as a brisk walk from here to the local tavern."

"Well, you've definitely earned you're pilot's license, sir. And if I may ask you, are you competing professionally?"

Black Baron quirked an eyebrow, his massive mustache bobbing slightly. "Professionally? I'm not sure what you mean, good sir."

"There's an aerial dog-fighting competition coming up soon. I was wondering if you were planning to join it, show off your skills."

Penelope rubbed her chin thoughtfully, the mustache of her Black Baron costume bobbing back and forth, as if he was in deep thought. She had just wanted to get her license, to fly freely through the air… but this… this could be even better. She had already exceeded everyone's expectations of her, and was wanting more and more. She wanted to prove that she could do anything, despite what her mother thought of it.

"My dear boy, that sounds like a SMASHING idea! Sign me up at once!"

Penelope sighed. "I made the Black Baron just to get my official license. I just wanted to fly, that's all. But my own damn ego made me agree to that competition. I so desperately wanted to be everything my mother was not, and I guess that's what made me do it. I won easily, and with such precision that other pilots began flocking to me. I had to wear the costume more and more, and stay up in my castle just to get some privacy. I eventually worked out a scam making my uncostumed self seem like the Black Baron's chief mechanic, and convinced people to respect me just as much as they do him. They kept coming to me for a whole year after that tournament, so I decided to give them a chance to prove themselves to me. I used my family fortune, and set up the ACES competition, recruiting guards and the best pilots I could find to make a team for myself. The winning teams would get a chance to fight me, the ever-amazing Black Baron, in a aerial fight to the finish. And finish me it nearly did. I was completely unprepared for the amount of dirty fighting, sabotage, and outright criminal acts that went on between the contestants. Some of the pilots in the challenging team aimed for me DIRECTLY and not my plane. I nearly died that day… I should have stopped there, I realize that now, but I was determined not to give up at anything. I held the competition again and again for the next five years, cheating just as much as they did just to keep up and hold my title as champion. Finally, I got sick of it and cracked down in the fifth year, hoping that everyone would play fair, that the competition would be an honest one at last."

She smiled, turning to the still-sleeping Bentley. "Then along came the Cooper Gang…"

Penelope shook her head. "I thought I had set everything up so perfectly. My guards were tough and alert, the wolves in the forest around my castle were MORE than enough to protect me there, and I had set up booby traps in the sewers just in case. The Cooper Gang, who I was ready to dismiss as just a bunch of posers at first, overcame all of it. That loveable lump of lunchmeat Murray fought through dozens of my guards that Muggshot bribed, Sly, the living wonder of the world, moving through the rooftops and fields of my home town as if he owned them, the mystical Guru working his magic to great effect, and Bentley… Sweet, wonderful, brilliant, utterly amazing Bentley… He overcame my electronic defenses as if they weren't even there. I admit to being smitten at first with Sly, but I got over that crush quickly enough when Bentley proved himself to be just as much of a hero as he was my intellectual equal…"

She grinned softly, and leaned in to kiss him. "God I love this turtle…" she said softly. She thought she saw him smirk a little, but didn't say anything.

She leaned back in her chair, chuckling softly. "Oil and water, I said when I began thinking out loud… Boy does that fit this group to a 'T.' We have Sly Cooper, the latest in a long line of master thieves who can perform miraculous stuntwork. We have Bentley, who's… well, he's the smartest man alive. (Perfect for yours truly, the smartest WOMAN alive.) We have Murray, a big loveable oaf who can best be described as a 'lapsed pacifist,' the Guru, a mystic who speaks a language that, according to Murray, only the purest of hearts can understand. We have Panda King, a warrior born with a penchant for making things go kerblooey in coloful fashion. And we have… heh, we have Dimitri, who's in a class by himself. Never in my life have I seen a more diverse group of people. So many personality differences, it's like pouring LIT oil and water together. Yet somehow, by God somehow the mixture works. In the short time we were together, we were the greatest…"

She chuckled. "We all have our own lives now. Panda King is acting as a dating service for his daughter, screening anyone who wants to go out with Jing King. After the debacle with General Tsao, I can understand why she'd want to be careful, although from what I've heard there's some friction developing between father and daughter. Murray, after completing his mystical training with the Guru, is now the most successful stock car racer on the planet. His idiot savant expertise in ground-based vehicles matches my own in aerial vehicles. Guru moved back to the Outback after trying his hand at pop psychology for a couple years. Sly himself, after the mission he gathered us all up for, left his ENTIRE family fortune to the gang, along with his cane, loot pouch, and his family book, the Thievius Raccoonus, all so he could fake amnesia and be with the cop he had fallen in love with."

Penelope shook her head. "It still amazes me… I could tell that Carmelita had feelings for Sly from the get-go, especially after reading her records. She's a crack shot, a sharpshooter of highest calibre (so to speak), and a firearms expert. The only time her aim sucks is when she's around Sly, who manages to get her so flustered that she can't even see straight. Bentley and Murray don't believe it but a woman tends to know better what another woman is thinking… She's also a great cop. So either she's dumb enough to fall for Sly's scam, which I doubt, or she's going along with it out of love and PRAYING that Sly's serious about keeping up their relationship. She thinks of things too much in black and white, and even if Sly is found out, this will probably help her by adding some shades of gray to her way of thinking."

Penelope sighed, shaking her head. "Anyway, where was I… Oh yeah. As for Bentley and I? We really couldn't give up the thieving life. It's just too exciting, and gives us excuses to invent new gadgets. Both for thievery and for… ah…" Penelope blushed, "OTHER creative purposes."

She giggled despite herself, thought, I REALLY have to find a way to pay Bentley back for all the wonderful things he's done for me since we became a couple, and continued. "Anyway.The Thievius Raccoonus itself is quite the inspiration for us as well. We've become the first non-Coopers to write in it throughout the long history the book has had. I can do some of the simpler tricks, but some of the more acrobatic moves and mystical stuff is way beyond my reach. It seems that only someone of Cooper blood can make use of all these techniques to the fullest."

She sighed. "Anywho, after the Cooper Vault job and everyone went their separate ways, Bentley and I went back to the vault and did some digging, extracting all of the treasures there (and there was at least 85.3278 percent more than what we expected. DAMN those Coopers are good at this), transferring them to another, far more secure vault that we had built. Just for kicks, I put Sly's, Bentley's, and Murray's emblems on the lock to the vault door, a sign of the original Cooper Gang's bond. Since then, we've been doing odd jobs here and there, Dimitri acting as an informant and tipping us off whenever something juicy comes up, or he finds a criminal that needs a lesson in humility. We have to hide almost constantly, and can't go out unless we stay in disguise, but honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Bentley is certain that the gang is getting back together someday, and wants to find out when by building a time machine. I'm definitely all for getting back together and inventing a time machine, but I don't want to go into the future just to see when the gang reunion will happen," she said, giggling, "That'll ruin the surprise!"

She blinked, and then picked up the device she had been tinkering with earlier. "Speaking of which, I think I finally figured out what it was I was making earlier: A chronal distortion detector. That will come in handy for the time machine."

Penelope put the device down and shook her head, smiling widely. "The gang. A more diverse band of freaks and weirdos there never was. But I do miss them all, and hope we get back together again. We made quite the team. And oh, what jobs we could pull off…"

Penelope yawned, and looked at the clock. "Wow, it's getting REALLY late… I should probably get some rest. This audio journal was a good idea, though. It help get some thoughts together that have been buzzing around in my head for a while. I need to get some rest, though…" she said, turning off the recorder and stretching. She turned around…

…and blinked. Bentley's bionic wheelchair arm had extended out in front of her face, holding a small box.

Penelope grinned, not looking at the turtle, who still had his head on the table, now bearing a smirk on his face.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked.

Bentley chuckled. "Since 'sweet, wonderful, brilliant, utterly amazing Bentley.' You forgot to mention charming, sexy, cuddly, and humble."

Penelope rolled her eyes, not taking her eyes off of the box. "To quote what I told Dimitri back in Kaine Island, GET OVER YOURSELF," she said, grinning widely, "And if what's in that box is what I think it is, then the answer to the obvious follow-up question is 'yes.'"

Bentley sat up and smiled warmly, turning his chair around to face her and giving her a kiss. "Superb. Next question, though. Do you want something official or will just the ring be enough?"

Penelope smirked, taking the box and putting on the ring, a solid platinum band inset with gold and diamond stones, and said, "What need have we thieves for official documents or ceremonies? We have stolen each others' hearts. That is all the ceremony of marriage thieves like us need."

Bentley blinked, and used his chair's arm to pick up the Thievius Raccoonus and flip to a certain set of pages. He read the page and said, "Stealing quotes from Coopers past?"

Penelope blushed. "It stood out to me. I memorized it and kinda hoped that I'd be able to use it sometime."

Bentley kissed her on the cheek. "Looks like you got your chance, lover. Now c'mon, let's get to bed. We promised we'd meet Dimitri at that underground club of his tomorrow."

Penelope nodded and yawned again, the two of them heading over to the bed they shared. Penelope helped the turtle out of his chair and into bed, crawling in after him and pulling up the covers.

Penelope grinned. It's a good life… she thought, slowly drifting off to sleep as she and Bentley cuddled…

Author's Note: Well, hope you liked it. Compliments and constructive criticism ONLY please. I haven't found much in terms of fanfiction featuring the lovely miss Penelope, so I came up with this. The 'Thoughts' chapters are meant to be a series of stand alone stories, featuring the thoughts of characters from the Sly Cooper series. Style may vary from first to third person, depending on how I feel like writing the tale, and I may try to connect what's happening in some stories. Keep in mind that ANY character, good or bad, is up for grabs in terms of who I'll write about. I am willing to take suggestions.