WARNING!!!!: Black Comedy involving rape, I don't want to offend you guys so pleaaaase, if you're not comfortable with it DO NOT read this fic.
Warning 2: Homosexuality.
Harry Potter and The Chance meeting.
"What do you have to say for yourself Harry?"
+Flashback+
Harry wandered the castle halls in the dead of night, searching for right place. Fred and Gorge had given him what they called a 'super annoyance bomb'. They had only told him how it works, not what it does, but that was just like them. He had decided to hide it in the potions classroom intending for it to go off during one of Snape's lessons. He checked to make sure no one was behind him before slipping into the dungeons, of course no one would be able to see him underneath his invisibility cloak. He jiggled the handle into the classroom and slipped inside quieter than a mouse. Upon entry he whipped off the cloak and scanned the room looking for the perfect place to hide the bomb, so it wouldn't be seen, even when it went off. He opened the cupboard door and looked up to there shelf, there! It was perfect! He reached up to rearrange the boxes and the papers, all of which appeared to be just chucked onto the shelves. Pulling a sheet down he saw that it was an unmarked student's essay dated… eight years ago. A ruff sliding sound reached his ears and he looked up to see piles of papers about to fall on top of him. They did just that and knocked him off balance and right on his ass onto the cold stone floor.
"Mr. Potter what are you doing here?"
"Professor Snape! What a surprise to meet you here!"
"Yes what ARE the chances?"
"…"
"What have we here? Some kind of prank no doubt" Snape's eyes brutally inspected the 'bomb' like it had horribly offended him, which it still had yet to actually do. "Maybe you would be so kind as to accompany me to Professor's Dumbledore's office then Potter."
"Urr, no that's okay sir. I'll just be going now…"
"Hold it right there." Snape grabbed the back of Harry's robes and gave them a sharp tug, "It wasn't a question."
"Then you shouldn't say it like it is then."
The older man gave a low growl and dragged the boy out of the dungeons, bomb in hand.
+End Flashback+
"Urr… Chicken?"
"Chicken?" mmm I could go for some chicken right about now… "What about it?"
"Well you see sir, this giant chicken…"
Damn I'm hungry…
Why the hell is he talking about a chicken?
"…clucked fire and tried to bite my head off…"
Shit is he still talking? I should pay more attention…
WHAT THE HELL?
"…pointy little teeth…"
Maybe I should just go get some food from the kitchen quickly…
Maybe I should smack some sense into this idiotic child.
"…juicy succulent breasts…"
Uuugh… chicken breasts… *drools*
Why Isn't Dumbledore saying anything about this!?
"And as far as female chickens go it did have some nice tits…"
"Sorry Harry I'm going to have to stop you there."
Thank God! What took him so long!?
"I'm going to make a food run I'll be right back."
"WHAT!?"
"Sorry Severus, I'll be back as soon as I can." A stunned Harry and Snape watched his hurried exit to the door.
"Can't it wait!?" but it was too late, he was already gone. "What the hell do you think you're doing Potter?"
"Telling a story?"
"And a story it is too; I doubt there's even one little shred of truth in there."
Of course there wasn't. "And how would you know that? You weren't there." He strolled lazily around the room expecting the portraits.
"He's got a point m'boy, giant chicken? More like a schoolboy prank." One of the old headmasters piped up.
"Thank you. You better start telling the truth when professor Dumbledore comes back." Snape turned his back to the boy to look at the phoenix on it's perch. Harry took his chance. He lifted the picture off of the wall, the one that had contributed to their argument, and quietly approached the potions master from behind.
WHACK!
He replaced the picture on the wall, glad to see that the others hadn't woken up by the sound of the crash. He looked at the unconscious Snape lying on the floor and couldn't help but think; he's a little greasy yes, but still very attractive. He couldn't explain it, he just was. Most of the girls held a similar opinion, but he refused their advances. He looked around to make sure the pictures really were asleep and started to undress the professor. There was no point in letting this opportunity go to waste.
"RAPE! RAPE!!! SOMEBODY!!" Damn he'd forgotten that one was awake. "HELP!!!! RA-"
"Silencio." With a wave of his wand Harry had efficiently silenced the portrait in a non harmful way, and went back to his deed.
---
When Dumbledore returned to his office he found Harry gone, a previous headmaster silently screaming and an unconscious naked, very naked, Snape handcuffed to his chair with two large injuries on his head. There was also an oddly shaped things on his desk making some kind of abominable noise that could even annoy the dead. He uttered a charm to deactivate whatever the thing was and cast his eyes over the teacher again. Oh well, there was no point in letting an opportunity go to waste, after all he had found Snape attractive since he had attended school there, even if he was a little greasy.
---
So what did you guys think? It's my first Harry Potter fanfic! I haven't read many either so I'm sorry if it sucks a little… tell me if you guys want me to fill in the gap between Harry shutting the portrait up and Dumbledore coming back! But if you do I'll probably post another fic that's exactly this but with that scene and it'll of course be M rated. Sorry if anyone was offended by this, but I did warn you all. Thanks a bunch to all you nice people!