I saw her.

Again, I was back in this club where many guys were looking for the cheap pleasure of watching beautiful naked bodies covered in sparkling sweat and cold cream with pieces of glitter. The lust in every man's eyes was meaningless. Always hidden during the day, when they were with their wives and children, with their new, expensive cars, with their bills and leather wallets, clean houses and cleaning ladies as mistresses. This life, their life was worse than lies that my clients told their families all the time.

I saw her. Dancing.

I wanted to sit close to the scene for the best view. I wanted to feel by every fibre of my body our secret closure. The closure which I had desired for a long time. I did not care about the quick glances at me, the silent whistling, the whispering. It was all nothing.

I was here for her. Her and her dancing body. For her smooth movements, soft skin which I still could not touch.

What was her name? I had asked a few times. I needed to know. One guy in the expensive jeans and silk shirt said – Catherine. And his name was Eddie. I did not know why I started to hate him after a second. He was glancing at my Catherine too, with a desire but not so pure like mine. Eddie wanted her like a piece of meat, not as a beautiful girl with a deep personality.

He desired flesh. I desired her soul and her heart.

I sat, finally, at the best place. I smelled her fragrance – like warm caramel. But I was not sure if it was the smell of her perfume or her delicate skin. Catherine's feet in high-heeled shoes were only a few centimeters from me. I wanted so much to touch her ankle. Only with the tip of my finger, just to be sure that she was real, not an illusion. I was like a thirsty creature in the middle of the desert. But I wanted to drink from one oasis which I was able to see but had no chance to come close to.

"Catherine." I whispered her name when she crouched in front of some guy. I could see her back, sparkling and sweaty. "Catherine." I repeated her name. I wanted to whisper it in her ear and lick it with the tip of my tongue.

She did not know how much I wanted to take her hand. She did not know how much I wanted to take her from here, to give her everything she wanted.

Catherine ended her performance for this guy she chose from the crowd. Why did she not pick me? Maybe she did not notice? She came back to the middle of the stage and started to move like a cobra to the rhythm of the Fakhir's flute. It was so stunning, my heart started to beat faster. I thought it would jump out from my chest. The view was too beautiful to leave me just sitting and watching. I desired her more and more with every second. I felt that Eddie was staring at her too, but tonight she would be mine only. Every fibre of Catherine's body and soul.

She ended her part of the show. Catherine disappeared behind the gold curtain. I stood up and walked to the place where the door to the dancers' dressing room was. It was crazy, no one would let me in without permission but I needed to try. Luckily the bodyguard was busy. He talked to some other guy and totally did not care what was happening behind his back. I sneaked. When I finally closed the door of the dressing room, I heard a lot of voices – laughs, conciliatory words, and more laughs. I was not sure what Catherine's voice sounded like but surely it would be beautiful and I would love it like everything about her.

I came to the place where the girls were dressing up. Half naked and sparkled slender bodies did not interest me because I could not see Catherine.

"Hey." A girl with curly auburn hair stood in front of me. "What are you looking for? New dancer?"

"No," I answered. I did not like her pompous voice. It was like trampled pieces of glass. "I'm looking for someone. Her name is Catherine." When I said her name, I felt as though a sweet taste of honey spilled onto my tongue.

"Cath!" A girl called her loudly. "Someone wants to see you!"

"I'm goin'!" I heard my angel's answer. She tried to make her voice sickly sweet only because of the profession. Truly, it was deep and mature. I would give her the possibility to show her real face which was so far from the world of the strip clubs. She did not belong here.

And she came, my Catherine. She wore a gold gown. She had tied the belt too loosely and I was able to see the place between her breasts. She noticed me looking and smiled.

"Do we know each other?" She asked.

"Maybe, I'm a guest here."

"Oh, and what's your name?"

"It's not important."

She gave me a meaningful smile.

"Your decision. Why did you look for me?"

"I want to talk a bit."

"Of course." She nodded. "Maybe you want a dance in my room?"

I could not consider it a real proposition. It was her work, nothing personal was in her words. She wanted to earn money.

"Why not?" I smiled.

"So, ok. Go tell Louie, the bodyguard, to show you to my room," she said. "I shouldn't do this now 'cause I have a break, but I can make an exception." Catherine winked. "I have a lot of free time. Just wait for me for a few minutes."

I listened to her and went to her dance room. I could not believe that in just a few minutes I would be able to see her dancing only for me. Of course I was not as satisfied as I wanted to be. She was at work and was just doing it to earn more money. But there was nothing wrong with that. This substitute for our love was, at this moment, perfect. Catherine was probably not ready for a deeper connection. I would give her time.

Her room was in all different shades of red. It was not original, but men did not care about details. They wanted only to watch naked bodies, atmosphere was not their main problem. I sat on the couch, which was the only one piece of the furniture in this small place. Lack of space did not allow for a bed. But, well, it was a strip club, only to watch, not touch.

Catherine came after ten minutes in a shiny, silver bikini. Her skin was sparkling in the dim light.

I was sitting on the couch and I thought I would open my mouth. No matter the cost, I was stunned. For the first time, I needed to fight with myself. She was doing it for money, not me. She did not care about my feelings, she did not even know them. I was only her next client who wanted an elusive pleasure. I was not able to tell her the truth. She was not ready for that. Catherine was still a part of this sick world, probably did not know that she could have much more from life. This was the first time I could talk with her but earlier I knew that she was different. Unfortunately she still thought that this place was her place. I wanted so much to tell her she was wrong.

Catherine smiled at me. A whore's smile. That made me sad but her beauty was dazzling. I tried to forget what kind of place I was in. I just wanted Catherine. Nothing more.

"I owe you a dance," she said with a coquettish tone.

"You owe me nothing, beauty," I answered and could not stop watching her body, up and down. I got the strange feeling that she liked it more than I thought. Maybe she was forgetting who I was, who she was? I wanted to believe in this.

"So." She started to dance to a very slow tune. I did not know the melody but it fitted perfectly with her smooth body movements. "Who are you?"

"Am I paying for questions?" I asked and we both laughed.

"No," Catherine answered and she came closer and closer to me. "I hope you know the rules." She was moving right next to me, her stomach and breasts were so close but I was not able to touch.

She sat on my knees and did not stop her dance.

I felt the words that I always wanted to tell her in my throat. But reality was stronger than anything. I was not brave enough. For the first time in my life I was trapped in the cage of forced correctness. I needed to stop it.

"I'm so sorry," I said and moved her back. "I'll give you your money." I gave her a few bills.

Catherine looked at me, thunderstruck. She wanted to say something but I saw in her face that she was not able to. She did not know enough words to describe what had happened a few minutes earlier. Or she just was not sure. I could not find an answer for that. Her simple life suddenly changed to something impossible for me to understand. But why? Finally, did I understand that she wanted my money and nothing more? My feelings were only in my head, I gave her no signs of my affection. Affection? Did my world change, too?

I came out of the dancing room. I was not able to choke a drop of saliva in my mouth. I tried to forget the sight of Catherine in a few seconds. But it was impossible. I had been thinking about her so long, so many nights and days spent only with my imagination that she was with me. I rushed from the club. For the first time I felt tears in my eyes but I wiped them away quickly. I could not go home with them. I needed to heal my sorrow, not just hide it.

I was waiting for a cab. I felt safe in the middle of the night, far from everyone.

"Wait." I suddenly heard a beautiful voice behind my back. "Please, wait!"

I turned to the voice. It was Catherine in a long brown jacket. She still had the high-heeled shoes in which she danced on her feet. They were sparkling in the dim light of the lamps. She came up to me.

"Why did you follow me?" I asked.

"I don't know." That was her simple answer. She just did not know why. "I thought..." She was looking in her mind for suitable words.

"What?"

"I thought it was right." She stuttered it out.

"Why?"

"I just knew."

Our talk made no sense. Neither of us knew what to say. It was like our hearts understood it before we did, but we were not able to follow them.

"I won't go back to your club," I said after a minute.

She nodded.

"I understand."

"No, you don't."

Catherine's small smile came across her face.

"You're right. I don't."

And then something happened that I would remember until the end of my life. She kissed me. It was not a kiss of passion, but a soft and delicate one.

"I'm changing my place," she said after it. "I'll do something with my life."

"Congratulations," I said. "I won't be able to see it."

"You still can."

"No, Catherine."

She burst into quiet laughter.

"We've only known each other for a few minutes and I'm acting..."

"Like we have known each other all our lives," I added. "Like we are lost friends."

"It's not even started," she said with a sad voice. How was it possible that tears were in her eyes? "And it's just ending."

I nodded.

"Bye, Catherine." I gave her a passionate kiss which made her tremble. "Maybe one day our lives will cross again."

And I went into the darkness of Las Vegas' streets, with the shiny neons as artificial as the screams of empty pleasure.