AN: This is a post ep look at "After The Show" in Season 4 when Catherine is chosen to lead a case cuz the perp will only talk to the 'pretty' one next door. Every time I watch this ep I get angry on Sara's behalf so this fic is just what I imagine could happen afterwards.
As always my heartfelt thanks go to my wonderful beta who -– as always pointed out the weaknesses and asked the right questions—and left it better than she got it.
Sara vented a little anger by slamming the car door shut, the missing wanna be show girl had been found, her murderer put behind bars and now everything was supposed to go back to normal. Hoping that a little physical activity would help, she'd changed into her running clothes, and now that she had music to fit her mood, she was ready to go. Sara let herself get lost in the music, the words washing over her as she began her jog. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other, each step distancing her from the pain.
Work was no longer the haven it had been. Her stomach knotted up just at the thought of the Lab. She was tired of the tension, but wasn't sure what would make it better. It had been building for a while now, since her disastrous attempt at a relationship with Hank. His betrayal had wounded her pride, but it was the reaction of her co-workers, especially Grissom's coldness that hurt.
Gone was the easy going banter, replaced by a professional detachment. She'd tried to bridge the distance after the Lab blew up, but he didn't know what to 'do' about this. She'd planned to talk to him after the next shift, but he was suddenly and mysteriously gone; without warning or explanation. There'd be no chance to resolve the issue and since he'd come back the tension was worse than ever.
Blowing out a deep breath she tried to keep her emotions at bay, she had no one in Vegas now. She wasn't a quitter, but maybe it was time to accept defeat. She'd never be part of the team; something always seemed to come up to divide her from them. A couple weeks ago it was Warrick's bad warrant case, today it was Catherine indulging a murder suspect. Even things with Nick had been on edge since they'd both applied for the lead position.
Sara had reached her apartment, but the anger wasn't gone yet. Running up the stairs, she grabbed a water bottle and a different cd. The dance mix she slipped into her player reminded her of San Francisco, all-night parties and how she used to be. She lost herself in the techno thumping beat and started the run back to the Lab at a faster pace, as if she could out run her painful past.
The reality was no one in her family had given a damn about her welfare let alone taken time to praise either her beauty or mind. Her alcoholic father was just as likely to smack as speak to her, her depressed mother was too wrapped up in her own psychological problems, and her brother was only interested in his next high.
There were more demons then just her family to out run this time. The pounding of her feet against the hard ground was a constant a reminder of how she'd gotten out; keeping her focus on going to college. The academics had come easy enough, but she'd needed extra-curricular activities too. With her long legs she'd been a natural choice for track, but it proved therapeutic as well. Pounding the pavement had given her a physical outlet for her emotions, but had the unexpected benefit the training that had toned her muscles transforming Sara from a skinny kid to a lithe and confident young woman.
Stopping next to her car, Sara began her cool down, and smiled when "I'm A Survivor" began playing. She'd survived her family's insanity, torment of her teenage years and Harvard's pressure cooker. She could survive a little tension at work.
Grissom watched from the Lab exit as Sara began stretching, thinking that it should be illegal for her to show that much skin in public, the black spandex shorts hugging her backside, while the green tank top clung to her small firm bust with a dark center that tortured him.
The photographer had been wrong to imply that Catherine was the pretty one. Grissom had seen the flash of pain and anger in Sara's eyes throughout the case, but didn't know how to make things right. He'd made a choice about the case and it had hurt her feelings. When he made a choice about the lead position, someone could get hurt then too.
It seemed everything he did hurt either him or her. He'd told her to get a diversion and then was aloof when she spent time with the hunky blonde Paramedic. He'd told her, he'd been interested in beauty since meeting her, but hadn't added that he'd also begun believing in love again too.
After the lab explosion and Sara had been hurt, his hearing loss took on a new urgency; he couldn't lose her. So he'd decided to have the surgery, but then she'd picked that day to ask him out. He could only tackle one life changing decision at a time and said no.
He was walking towards his car as Sara headed towards the lab. Based on her hot and sweaty appearance he guessed she was heading for the shower. As they passed he wanted to speak, but the determined tilt of her chin stopped him. Her dark eyes met his briefly before skittering away and neither broke the silence.
His key was already in the ignition when he considered following her. The Lab door closed behind her and the urge was quashed, after all what could he say? He still didn't know what to do about Sara, she was more than employee, but their mutual attraction kept her from being just his friend. The quote escaped without thought. "I grieve and dare not show my discontent, I love and yet am forced to seem to hate, I do, yet dare not say I ever meant, I seem stark mute but inwardly do prate."
As he backed out of his parking space he hoped that his love life wouldn't rival the Virgin Queen he'd quoted.
AN: The final quote is from Queen Elizabeth 1's "On Monsieur's Departure". This may end up a series of post eps as inspiration strikes