A/N: This one will stay a one-shot because I need to update my others. And I LOVE Emmett, so most of my stories will be about him.
Evil Dr. Gifta Belikov: I love you!
Mr. Snowy: Fool, you aint gotta choice. Its not like you own Twilight! Then you could destroy the movie and be in love with Edward Cullen again (hated the movie, sorry).
Evil Dr.: So you're saying I don't own Twilight?
Mr. Snowy: Yes.
Evil Dr.: That's good enough of a disclaimer for me!
Hi. I am Emmett. Emmett Cullen. I am going to tell you a story. Of how I got in jail. It was an amazing set of events that got me here.
It all started when I was talking to Mr. Snowy. I told him that I loved him, but he said he didn't love me, so I was sad. He suggested to me that I should get a pet. I thought about it and it seemed like a good idea so I did. I went to Angels' Pet Rescue Shelter because rescued pets are better than the breeder ones.
It was a hard choice, looking at all the sad faces. They were all so cute. And I loved all of them. In the end I chose the most self-less choice. I bought all of them. I mean, I had the money and everything so I just bought them.
When I got home, I had a truck with seventy-two dogs and five cats and an African crocodile. And a few eels. I didn't even know they sold eels! I was so happy I started naming them. The dogs were Lucky and Lucky 2 and Lucky 3 and Lucky 4 and Lucky 5 and Lucky 6 and Lucky 7. All the way to Lucky 71. Then I thought, hmmm how about some variety. And I named the 72nd one Spot. The cats were Barney, Barney 2, Barney 7, Barney 9, and Barney: The Original. The crocodile was Jiminy. Like the cricket in Pinocchio, he was my conscience. Whenever I asked him if I should do something, he said "ggrrrrrrrrrrr." Or blew bubbles. Or just farted. The eels were Icky, Icky 48, and Vicky.
So I took them to my room after they were all named. The problem was, there wasn't enough room to house all the pets. So I let some of them in Alice's room. But they started eating her clothes… So I asked Jiminy what to do. And he said, "grrrr grrrr mllll *bubble* *fart*" Which I think translates to, "Eat." So I started eating the clothes, too. They were yummy.
From there, everything just went downhill. First Rosie came home and she was all like, "Emmett! Why are there dogs in MY room?" She's so unable to see the obvious sometimes! So I told her about how I just had to rescue them. And she was like well rescue them ELSEWHERE! And I was like sheesh! And she was like glare glare glare!
Then Alice came home, so I snuck all my animals up the chimney like the fat guy... oh I forgot his name! Was it Rudolph? Or Easter Bunny? Or OH YEAH, its Edward Cullen. SO I snuck all my animals up the chimney like Edward Cullen and into the truck. I drove them to the most practical place. Bella's house.
I snuck them down the chimney just like Edward did at Thanksgiving! I was so proud. But then Lucky 64 bit into a cord and it started sparking. So I spat on it so it wouldn't start a fire. Then I remembered… vampire venom makes fires go longer and hotter than gasoline does! And I'm ALLERGIC to fire. It would've killed me. So I got all the animals out (including Jiminy) and then left.
I am very responsible, though so I wrote on the front lawn in red paint "Emmett was here and may possible have started the fire."
I was sad, though because I lost Jiminy, Spot, the Luckys, and the Barneys! So I just went home. But Chief Swan turned up later. He arrested me. ME. For arson. And that's how I got here. The End. Ta-da!!!!