"Diane, it's 6:14 A.M. and I'm lying in my bed in room 315 of the Great Northern with a rather impressive erection, if I do say so myself. A few years ago there was a film comedy called "Porky's," in which a teenager measured the size of his erection every morning, keeping a graph of the results. I don't plan on doing that, you'll be glad to hear, but it has given me inspiration for trying an unusual experiment. As I've mentioned to you before, the women in this town are some of the most stunning specimens of female perfection I've ever had the good fortune to gaze upon – so what I propose to try is simple enough. In a meditative state, I'll think about one particular woman for a period of two minutes - then I'll measure the size of my erection. What the results will mean for this case, I have no idea, but then, I've been chucking rocks at glass bottles this past week, so can it hurt? First off, it'll be Audrey. Now, where's that tape measure? It has a tendency to snap back unexpectedly, so I'd best be careful, or it most assuredly will hurt!"