A/N: I don't remember where I got this idea, there are a lot of influences, but it was just too good to pass up! In my attempts to create a pairing revolution (Down with SasuNaru monotony!), this will have some KakaNaru, with a (surprise, surprise) female!Naruto. Read and Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Excuses: Chapter 1- Bad Day
Waking up that morning, Naruto went through her normal routine in order to get ready to meet with the candidates for her very first genin team. Having been a jounin for nearly two years, Tsunade finally decided that the young blonde should have some leadership experience of genin. Having finished her morning ablutions, Naruto tied on her hitai-ate and left.
Little did the blonde know that the day would be anything but normal.
The first sign she had that something was out of the ordinary came twenty minutes after she had left her apartment. She was walking towards the academy and had been about to cross a major street, when suddenly and unexpectedly, she was blocked by a parade (for what she didn't know, as she didn't know that there would even be a parade today in the first place) that had quite literally appeared out of no where.
Blinking in surprise and slight confusion, she decided to take an alternate route to the Academy…
…Only to find that every time she picked a different route, every street had been similarly blocked, whether it was by a cart accident (that involved what looked to be twenty or more carts, though Naruto couldn't figure out how that happened) or an angry mob of women protesting the new Icha Icha book outside the bookstore.
And, being the upstanding kunoichi she was, she just had to help those in need.
With one final heave, she righted the last ox cart and waved off the grateful merchant before glancing at her watch. Frowning, she realized that she only had twenty-five minutes to be there if she wanted to be on time; this was especially disconcerting seeing as she had planned to be about an hour early, to meet and catch up with the other prospective jounin sensei.
Sighing, she jumped up on the rooftops, deciding that drastic times called for drastic measures; she had been looking forward to a leisurely walk. Pausing at the edge of the building to look at the street she had just helped clear, she sighed once more before turning in the direction she needed to go- only to nearly stumble off of the roof in surprise as she tried to dodge as a ninja leapt at her.
Thinking quickly, she ducked and rolled to the side, praying fervently that the unknown ninja would accidentally fling themselves off the building. Alas, her prayers were denied when at the last second, the shinobi pulled off an impossible looking pirouette like maneuver, which caused them to turn and face her once more. Naruto couldn't help but stare at the strange looking shinobi as she finally got a good look at him, and when she says strange she means along the levels of Maito Gai.
He had the biggest fish-lips she had ever seen, for Kami's sake!
Shaking her head of her wandering thoughts, she noticed that the unknown nin was from Hidden Stone, though what he was doing running around Konoha was anyone's guess. Shifting her stance, Naruto pulled out a kunai and spoke, "State your name and business. If you refuse, then I'm afraid I'll have to take you into custody in order to be questioned by the Hokage."
"You!" The bizarre man screeched, pointing an accusing finger at the blonde kunoichi.
A bit taken aback, Naruto pointed to herself in confusion, "Me?"
"Yes! You!" he replied even more vehemently, finger quivering in righteous anger.
"Alright," Naruto drawled uneasily. "What about me?" It wasn't uncommon for shinobi to seek out revenge for the death of a family member or loved one, however they usually tried to get even when the targeted shinobi was away from the village. Naruto only prayed that this wasn't the reason he was here, as she couldn't remember killing anyone who looked like the man (and she was reasonably sure she would remember anyone who looked anything like that). Perhaps it was a lover? she thought even as it caused her brain to hemorrhage at the horror.
"You!" Fish Lips screamed again, causing Naruto to slouch in exasperation. "It's your fault!"
"What's my fault?" Naruto practically growled, getting fed up with the idiot and his time-wasting. She was about to strangle him!
"You're to blame! Thanks to you, I no longer hold the International Shinobi Record for the most bowls of ramen consumed in one sitting!" he howled.
Naruto nearly face-faulted as she stared at the nutcase in front of her. That was his reason for accosting her? Such a stupid reason? Of course, being Naruto, those questions were not the first things to come out of her mouth in reply: "They actually have an award for eating ramen?" she asked in disbelief.
"Yes!" Fish Lips bellowed, before continuing, "Which is why we are going to compete to prove that I am a much more refined, skilled, and capable ramen eater than you!" Again, she received the finger in the face, this time a mere inch from her nose causing her to go cross-eyed. "And once the judges find that I scored higher than any other, and that it will forever be impossible to surpass me in the art of ramen eating, I will be memorialized for all eternity!"
Swatting his hand away, she gave him a look clearly said 'what crack are you on?'. "What the hell are you talking about? What judges!? There aren't any ramen eating judges!"
Fish Lips scoffed at her. "Sure there are!" He faced her trying to give her an intimidating look, though instead he turned out looking more like he was constipated, and said, "The ISR are always watching! Always." The last was said in an attempt at a menacing whisper, and Naruto couldn't help but start staring again at the man's close proximity.
…
…Deciding that this ninja was seriously insane, Naruto decided to do the only thing she could currently do. With a quick hand chop, the man crumpled at her feet unconscious and she sent a signal flare for the ANBU to come pick the man up.
Looking at her watch again, she cursed and began to sprint when she realized that she only had two minutes to get to the school.
Iruka was probably having kittens.
Naruto had finally managed to settle on a good pace, that would hopefully get her there in time when yet something more happened…
…she tripped.
A, strangely low, clothing wire caught around her ankle, yanking her right off her feet and she proceeded to tumble haphazardly down the gently slanted roof. She finally managed to regain her footing- just in time for her to watch as her forward momentum pitched her off of the edge of the roof.
This is ridiculous! she shrieked indignantly in her head as she fell head over heels off of the building.
With the wire still tangled around her legs, she had no chance to catch herself, so she braced herself for the painful impact she knew that was going to happen in a split second. Eyes clenched shut, she was surprised when, instead of crashing painfully to the dirt road, she landed unexpectedly gently in someone's arms. Snapping her eyes open, she looked wildly at her rescuer, only to see a single black eyes and wild silver hair.
Blinking in confusion, she asked timidly, "Kakashi-sensei?"
"Yo!" he replied, giving her his patented eye-smile. "It's nice of you to drop in and visit, Naruto."
Snorting at the man she responded, "That was a horrible pun, sensei." Pulling out a kunai, she cut the wire off of her legs before getting Kakashi to put her down. "Thanks for catching me, though. That would have hurt just a bit."
"No problem," he said, pulling out a familiar orange book. "So where are you headed in such a hurry?" he asked absentmindedly, turning a page in his book.
Completely forgotten in her traumatic tumble off of a five story building, she stared at Kakashi in confusion before remembering that she had to be at the academy!
"Ah!" she yelled, "That's right! I need to be at the Academy, for team assignments!"
"If you are going to the Academy, why are you here?" Kakashi asked quizzically, "The Academy is on the other side of town."
Realizing that that was indeed true, and wondering how she ended up in the opposite direction from which she had been traveling, Naruto cursed before turning to run off. "Sorry, sensei! I have to go!" she called back to him.
She was preparing to leap onto the building, when suddenly the upper story exploded, showering the street with glass and debris. Naruto gaped in astonished disbelief at the scene.
"Hmmm," came the nonchalant pondering from behind her, "that's unusual…"
Naruto turned around the see her silver-haired sensei, however he was not staring at the burning building but his youngest student. Naruto cocked an eyebrow at the strange look he was giving her. When he didn't respond to her silent prodding, she groaned and faced the chaotic scene once more. She felt like crying when she realized that no shinobi were showing up to help, which was highly out of the ordinary.
A hand clamped down on her shoulder, and she turned to face the silver-haired jounin. "Maa, looks like it's up to us, Naruto." he said in amusement when he saw the pleading look on her face.
"Sensei, can't you-" she began, but was cut off by Kakashi.
"You're already late, Naruto. A few more minutes isn't going to hurt, especially if it's spent saving a life." Kakashi admonished gently. Then he gave her another eye-smile and chirped, "Let's go!"
It took them a total of ten minutes to find everyone, and all of the people were more or less unharmed, though there were a few minor burns. Then using some mid-level water jutsu they put out the flames, which took another fifteen minutes.
Now, Naruto trudged disconsolately down the street next to Kakashi, who was occasionally giggling perversely as he read his book. Suddenly, a call from up ahead caught their attention. Kurenai and Asuma were standing outside a tea shop and appeared to be greatly aggravated and impatient.
"Kakashi!" Kurenai called in exasperation, "we've been waiting for you for two hours!"
"Maa, sorry," Kakashi began, "but you see this building exploded and I-"
Naruto nearly choked on her tongue- causing Kakashi to give her an amused look- as Kurenai cut the man off, "I'm not in the mood for your ridiculous excuses, Kakashi! Just get in here and sit down."
"Hai, hai, just calm down, Kurenai." He placated her, then turned to his former student. "Well, this is my stop, Naruto. I'll see you later!"
"Yeah, bye sensei." Naruto returned dully, causing the older man to laugh good-naturedly at her.
She slouched off once more in the direction of the Academy, dreading what else was to come that day.
When Naruto finally arrived at the academy, three hours after she was originally supposed to be there, she was practically frothing at the mouth and her right hand was twitching spasmodically to some unknown tune.
Not five minutes after she had left Kakashi, she had been forced to chase down a purse snatcher, which was then followed by an old lady who needed her to carry her bag for her(1), making her end up on the other side of town from the academy again. Lastly, this was followed by a man who ambushed Naruto just a block away from academy, declaring his undying love for her in thirteen different languages, before he threw her over his shoulder and tried to run off with her.
It took her twenty minutes to scare the man off.
Needless to say, Naruto was cranky.
She stepped through the classroom door, not even bothering to dodge the chalkboard eraser as it fell on her head.
"You're team 9?" she deadpanned, ignoring the apologies posed by the students and when they nodded, she replied, "My first impression is… I don't like you!"
When she saw the horrified looks on their faces, she felt some of her spirit return, and thus it was she realized part of the reason why Kakashi was such a bastard during introductions.
"Naruto!" someone called.
The aforementioned blonde flinched at the angry tone in the voice calling her name, feeling her sadistic high rapidly plummeting.
"Naruto, where were you this morning!?" the irate chuunin asked as he stomped up to the blonde jounin. He was scowling fiercely, but the look was wiped off of his face when the blonde turned and gave him a slightly demented deer-in-headlights look, one eye slightly squinted while the other bugged out. One elegant blonde eyebrow was twitching erratically at the memory of her hellish morning. "Naruto, are you alright?" he asked in concern.
His voice broke her out of her momentary brooding, causing her to drop the expression off of her face. She sighed tiredly and replied, "Yeah, I'm fine Iruka-sensei. Just had a long morning; things kept coming up on my way to the academy." She smiled apologetically at her father figure.
"Things? What kinds of 'things'?" Iruka asked as he walked next to her while they headed to the ramen bar.
She gave him a tiredly amused look, "I don't think you'd believe me, even if I told you."
Iruka smirked at her, "Try me."
Naruto sighed, and after getting him to swear that he would hear her out completely, she proceeded to tell him about her morning over a few bowls of ramen. At the end of her narrative, Iruka was giving her a strange look.
"That's- a little hard to believe, Naruto" Iruka began delicately.
"I know!" the blonde wailed, burrowing her head into her arms which were folded on the counter. Iruka proceeded to awkwardly comfort the blonde over her fantastically stressful day.
"Naruto… perhaps you should go home and get some rest. You've obviously had a bad day, and you could use the relaxation. I'll pay for your ramen." Iruka prodded the blonde jounin gently, who took a deep breath and nodded her head where it was still resting on her arms, then let out a sigh.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Iruka-sensei." Naruto replied, sliding tiredly off of her stool. She waved lethargically to the brown-haired chuunin, before trudging off towards her apartment.
Naruto had gotten home, crawled into her pajamas, and then immediately collapsed into her bed. Forcibly pushing all thoughts of that day out of her head, she managed to sink into a deep slumber.
She had been sleeping contentedly for several hours, when a sudden presence in her apartment woke her. Keeping herself relaxed as to not warn the presence that she was awake, she slowly reached under her pillow for the kunai she kept there. As soon as her hand wrapped around the blade's handle, she leapt out of her bed towards the intruder.
Unfortunately, the sheets of her bed tangled around her legs, causing her to fall flat on her face and for the kunai she was holding to go skittering across the floor.
Cursing fluently inside her head with words that would make a sailor blush and a saint have an apoplectic fit, she brought her gaze up to face the man whose sandaled feet she had almost kissed on her way to the floor.
Seeing the horrific sight of the man leering down at her, her heart stopped for a moment, before she let out a blood curdling scream.
A/N: -cackles evilly- Poor Naruto! I've put her through so much and this is just the beginning! Hope you all enjoyed it, and let me know what you think! Should I continue? Review!
(1) Obito uses this excuse in Kakashi's Gaiden.