This is a New Year fic. Optismistic, bouncing and fun, I hope you're going to enjoy it!
New Year's Eve
Japan, 2005
"I miss Kai."
"I know"
"I love him."
"I know"
"I hate this fucking New Year's Eve!"
"Prima, calm down!"
Ray gripped on the young girl's arm and stared into her amethyst eyes firmly. It made her stop trembling and the tears she reserved for herself started falling.
"Ray, what will I do without you?"
She put her head on his shoulders and began to weep like a child. Ray had only seen Prima crying once and it was because of his captain as well. But this time, it was much worst. As he patted her gently on the shoulder Ray took in the state of the room. Prima came to visit her cousin and grandparents in Japan and her temporally room was in a mess: clothes were everyway, used up tissues lied beside the overturned bin. An empty bottle of vodka stood on her over-full desk. Ray blushed when he saw a red bra poking from under her futon.
"Look, Prima, this New Year's Eve, you shouldn't be all alone."
"Well, I'm with you," she sobbed, pulling herself away from him.
"Yes, but… what I mean is that there's a party at the CC. Everyone's there for the countdown. Don't you want to come?"
"Everyone? Meaning him too?"
Ray shook his head.
"You can't hide forever."
"I just want to be with you," she whispered, catching hold of his hand.
The neko-jin looked down at the tough hand holding his. He'd always knew Prima as a strong person, someone who knew how to fight. To see her in this state was most perturbing.
With his free hand, Ray tucked a strand of his friend's short navy blue hair, almost black behind her ear but since it was very short it fell out again.
"You want to be with Mariah, don't you?"
Ray jumped. Prima was staring back at him with tears in her eyes but she quickly wiped them off with the arm of her jumper.
"Prima, I…"
"Don't, I know. I'm being selfish, keeping you in here with me while you could be having fun with your girlfriend on New Year's Eve. But I need you so much."
"You don't. You need another. You don't have to say it, I know."
Prima shook her head, looking at the floor.
Ray sighed and ran his fingers through her boyish hair. It was a shame that she cut it. Her hair used to shine when the sun caught its tips tickling down her back. She had beautiful hair. Her eyes too were intense and she knew how to dress up. But what Ray had before him that night was a ghost of a girl who once smiled. He glanced up at the clock on her bedroom's wall. 11:42 pm, it read. Soon they'll be toasting, he sighed.
"Ray?"
"Yes?"
"Can I tell you everything?"
Ray stared back at her but she wasn't looking at him.
"Of course," he replied, maybe a bit too hastily.
She bit her lower lips before whispering those words.
"I love you."
Ray thought he couldn't hear properly but the words stung him like a poisoned sword. No, this was impossible. It must be the alcohol. She knows, she knows that I love Mariah. Oh, God, I never thought about her this way before, I couldn't imagine how she could, how I could…
"Are you joking?" he stuttered.
Prima shook her head sadly.
There was only one thing to do. Ray stood up.
"I'm sorry, Prima but I love my girlfriend."
"I know, and I love Kai."
Somehow her voice was uncertain. Yet Ray shook his head and headed for the door. He couldn't believe it: his friend! One of his best friends too. Now, they'll be heading for an end of a relationship. God, Ray Kon, this situation is absurd!
Suddenly a song rose softly from the lovelorn girl's lips, making him come to a halt.
"Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Tiptoe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
(I only dream of you)
And you never knew
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth runs deep inside
And will never die
Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
I won't remain unrectified
And our souls won't be absolved"
"I'm sorry that I can't satisfy you, Prima."
At that word, he was gone, leaving only an empty shell of a once lively girl. Yes, that memory seemed so precious now that the owner was dead. Ray couldn't believe what happened tonight but, as he gazed up at the cold stars, he thought that if he went back in time, he'd understand what she meant by that 'I love you'.
Inside the lonely house, a navy-haired girl looked out unseeingly of her window. Star-gazing, we used to do that, Prima thought. Tearing her eyes from the painful souvenir, Prima gathered her last strength to put on her coat and she too left.
Once in the cold street covered with snow, the navy-haired girl wandered like a lost soul in the lighted streets. She stopped on a bridge, desert from all lives.
I am dead. There's no doubt of it. Not only it is below zero degrees Celsius out here and that all I have on me is an old worn coat, but also because the guy I thought my one true love is actually a… loser. No, that's not right. Forget what I said. No, the reason that I am dead is that I am here all alone on New Year's Eve while my best friend is probably kissing his girlfriend in the sofa of the VIP lounge in the CC and that because of a guy. That guy is not my baby brother that I hate so much but who proves to be useful sometimes, nor is it the guy who's been hovering around me for weeks, nor is it my first and probably last boyfriend I'd ever have. No, that guy is the source of my joy and pain, the only reason for the stars to shine or die, the logic that makes my heart sing and weep. In other words, Kai Hiwatari.
The cold winter's wind biting every limp of my body cannot be as excruciating as the pain he inflected me. It isn't that he doesn't love me, I don't know if he does nor do I care about that. No, what he did to me is indescribable beyond words: he made me hate myself. I looked down at the river rushing under me. The bridge suddenly seemed immense and I as a spot on the snow-covered planks of metal am worth only a splinter in the wood. That's what he made me feel like: worthless. I am nothing without him. My existence is composed of pre-Kai and post-Kai. Of the period pre-Kai, I can barely see: it is just a distant memory of a young girl whose long navy hair ran down her back and whose laughter was the joy of her family. But her amethyst eyes grew sober when the era of post-Kai took over her. I'm still living under this post-Kai and I think it will last forever. How can he ever come back? How can we ever come back?
I leaned on the ramp of the bridge and looked down to the dark river below. It is so inviting, as if some treasure lied hidden beneath created this sudden yearning to throw myself blurring my sense and conquering my body. The wind ran through my fresh cut hair. It was as short as the grass on the school lawn now. But I don't regret it. If he let me take over him again, all he'd meet is pain and sorrow. Because that's what I brought him ever since I've loved him. That's why I loath myself so much. Why am I so cruel, so merciless, so evil? I was jealous of the time he devoted to his passion, his friends, his rival. I finished by reducing those times he trained, criticizing his friends and beating his rival for him. I wanted him all to myself. My friends were his friends, my passions were his. I've forbidden him to have any other, to have a life of his own. No wonder he was fed up of it, no wonder he wanted me gone.
I rubbed my hands on my arms, suddenly aware of the coldness. The city is shining around me, people are abandoned to festivities. I wish that he would come. I wished that he would cross all the snow to find me, to take me back into his arms and to pledge his fidelity. It was impossible. It was like a dream that only little girls seemed to believe in. Both of us knew that it couldn't continue this way because no matter how much effort he put up for me, I rewarded him with infidelity and rules harder to follow. I did try to make it all stop. Aware of my harshness on him, I decided to give him a girlfriend. But he was the one who refused! He was the one who came back to me after our quarrels! And now he's the one who told me to leave. It was unimaginable for me, for me who have always been in the lead, me who have always been dreaming of leaving him.
He took revenge on me and now at ten minutes to midnight, I'm all alone in the cold when all my friends and relatives are at the CC aka Celebrity Club, celebrating. He must be happy now though I can never imagine how he'd live without me nor how I without him. We are fatally linked for eternity and yet together we'd never be. Maybe it would be better like this, a far away love. Indeed, I feel that my love for him grew intense each day when he no longer resides near my body but his soul and mind seemed so near that sometimes I thought that he was in me.
I am nothing but my need consumed him and now if he were a phoenix, I hope that he'd be able to rise from his ashes because I, as a simple mortal, I can never live without him, no matter how hard I try.
"Garuda, I hate him so much," I whispered, my hand tight around my Beyblade inside my coat pocket.
My bit beast alone listened to me nowadays and I can't help feeling lighter when I was able to talk to someone, someone who didn't need explanations for my words. I love Kai so much that I love him with all my wicked heart. He made me feel like a worthless worm and that thought helps me think that he'd be better without me. But it didn't convince me of him being able to live without a thought of me. I love him too much to abandon him completely.
If I could rewind time, then I might be able to change this ending because after all, it's the beginning that makes the end.