NEED YOU NOW
Set during & after 'Always' 4.23 – my own take on the events of that episode.
Listen to Need You Now by Lady Antebellum as you read it, if you can. As that is the song this is based around. Sorry I can't put the lyrics in; I hope it still makes sense with the lyrics taken out. It was very hard to edit as it was written around the song and with you, the readers being able to see the lyrics. I apologise now for any bits that fail to make sense , don't seem to fit in quite right or large gaps in the story that are just not filled.
I'm not keen on this version of my writing because it wasn't what I originally wrote or wanted to share but I hope you like it anyway. Reviews gratefully accepted. The good, the bad & the ugly.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Castle – characters, dialogue or storylines. They belong in their entirety to Andrew Marlowe & I thank him for his creations!
Castle walked out of Beckett's apartment and slowly with a heavy heart made his way back to The Loft. That was it, it was over after 4 years this…their partnership was over.
He arrived home to Alexis & his mother sitting in the kitchen, discussing tomorrow's graduation. Alexis turned to speak to him "hey dad, caught the bad guy yet?" she said with a grin. Castle had completely forgotten about the homicide they had been working on earlier in the day, he looked at his daughter knowing she would know a lie if he told it so he gave the truth. "Not yet. But I'm sure the boys & Beckett" Beckett. Even saying her name hurt his heart "will. Beckett and I are over, I won't be returning to the 12th again"
Alexis opened her mouth to say something but was stopped by Martha's hand resting on her arm. She turned her head to see her grandmother slowly shaking her head in a 'don't ask about it' warning to keep her mouth shut.
Castle grateful for his mother's intervention escaped quickly to his office, closing the door behind him, he locked it & slumped into his desk chair. Head in his hands he wished he had never dug into her mother's case, never pushed her to open up about it, because then just maybe she wouldn't be placing herself in the line of fire, in actual fact he had placed her in the line of fire. His involvement, his shadowing of her, his stupid ideas had caused her to wake the dragon with no idea on how to make it go back to sleep.
Kate walked into the bullpen the next morning. The boys were nowhere to be seen, she was grateful she didn't have to face them yet. She knew they would have questions about why Castle was not here. She glanced to her desk and saw it empty no coffee waiting for her, why did she expect there to be, of course it would be empty. The pain hit her heart, but she buried it, now was not the time. Her thoughts were interrupted too soon by a familiar voice "Yo Beckett, we got a lead." Esposito shouted across to her, Ryan following behind her. He noticed Castle had not appeared this morning, something was up. He was loving this case; he wouldn't just walk out without good reason. He took the bull by the horns and opened his mouth "Castle not around?" he asked. Beckett looked at the two men standing in front of - her 2 boys, 2 not 3 and simply said "He's off the case. So Espo what's this lead?" Esposito & Ryan looked at each other but wisely kept quiet & filled her in on the new developments in the case.
Beckett walked over to the murder board and stared at it. She heard the boys begin talking in hushed tones, she couldn't hear all of what was being said but the part she did catch broke her heart. "Looks like mom & dad have been fighting again" Ryan commented sadly to his partner "I know bro, but this isn't like their normal fights, he's not here. Something big has happened this time' Esposito replied "It's up to us now to watch her back even more so than before" Kevin slowly nodded in agreement before saying "she's going to miss him, even if she won't admit it. Hell I'm going to miss him & his crazy theories. I'm not ashamed to say it. He's part of this family, our very unconventional family we have here" Javier looked at his friend, his partner, his brother and placed a hand on his shoulder 'I know bro, I know. I'll admit to feeling the same. Things are about to change & I don't think for the better' The two men were bought back to the case by Gates' voice demanding to know about any leads. They moved quickly to their respective desks and started shuffling files and paper work. Kate blinked back the tears. She wasn't the only one hurting. If only they knew the whole story.
Rick had never been prouder than he was right now, watching Alexis take to the podium to deliver her valedictorian speech. After the stress of trying to write the perfect speech, the screwed up drafts, the tears, the worry, and the speech she had finally written and was now sharing with her friends, fellow students, teachers and parents was truly from the heart and filled with hope for the future. "But just because we're leaving, and that hurts, there's some people who are so much a part of us. They'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground. Our North Star. And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us…always" Alexis finished her speech and looked at her dad, who was sitting there with tears in eyes, they smiled at each other. No words needing to be spoken.
At the 12th A storm was waiting to happen. Beckett was clearing her desk after just resigning. Esposito had stormed out not 2 minutes before and Ryan just sat at his desk, wondering how all this had happened. His was losing his work family, when his only intentions were to save the members of said family. How had all this happened in such a short space of time? This morning everything had been fine, well ok not fine as there was still the Castle issue but he had a brother, a partner, and a boss he looked upon as a sister and now, now he didn't have either. He was protecting them, that's what you did for family; you had their backs and protected them no matter the consequences. Kate was alive that was the only silver lining in this whole disaster, he thought. They had been so close to the dragon but he had the upper hand as usual. He had been worried from the start, but with no Castle to share and voice his fears with he did what he thought was best. He chose to save their lives. He sighed and looked across the empty bullpen. Where was Castle when he was needed, he would say something to lighten the mood, break the tension. Beckett still hadn't explained why he was off case. Kevin reached for the phone and dialled a number. He needed to know, needed to tell him what had happened. He was still part of this family weather he wanted to be or not.
Castle was back at the Loft after leaving Alexis with friends to enjoy a night of celebrating. His mother had gone off to the Hamptons. He was alone for the night. Truly alone. His phone started to vibrate. He glanced down and saw '12th Precinct' calling. He ignored the call; he wasn't ready to deal with that yet.
He grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen and flopped onto the sofa. Now was a good evening to put the thousands of cable channels they had to good use. He poured himself a large glass and flicks on the TV. He starts routing around for the remote as the TV turns loudly on to a music channel, Alexis clearly being the last to watch anything. He cringed at the soppy love song that was playing. Yet he stopped and found himself listening to the song. The words were as much as he hated to say it, true for his current situation and as he listened further, each word hit him harder than the previous. It was like they were describing him. He downed the whiskey in one & poured himself another, downing that before even replacing the bottle back on the table. Again he refilled the glass, the song still playing, why couldn't he stop listening?
He pushes the glass of amber coloured liquid away and again begins the search for the remote. He needs to turn this song off. After a futile hunt, he gives up and reaches once more for the glass of amber liquid.
Hurt. Yes that is how he felt. Hurt that she didn't trust him. Hurt that she chose the case over him. Hurt that she didn't value her own life. Hurt that she lied about remembering being shot and all that went with it. Hurt. Wanting the song to end, being able to take no more, he stomped angrily over to the TV and jabbed at the power button on the top. Silence. Silence fell over the room.
That silence was broken by his phone one more vibrating. He knew it would be the 12th, but he glanced over at his phone anyway. His breath caught in the back of his throat as he saw it wasn't the precinct calling but Kate Beckett. The woman herself. Seeing her name appear on her screen, her picture flash up he knew that she was his North Star, but just like a real star she was out of his reach. He flicked his phone over, her smile haunting him.
He walked to his office and stood in front of his own murder board that he had created after the shooting. He looked at all the players on the board but his wild theories were no good here. They wouldn't keep her safe and nor could he anymore. He closed the file and slowly dragging it to the trash bin, let it fall in. Staring at the black screen, he heard a knocking, he ignored it but it got louder. He grumbled to himself and stomped his way over to the front door, swinging it open with a face like thunder. The person standing on the other side of the door was the last person he expected to see. He thought he would never see her again, but she was here, at his home. He stood looking at her for what seemed like ages before he found his voice again.
"Beckett, what do you want?!" he snapped. He stunned himself by the venom and harshness he found in his voice as he spoke. Calling her Beckett just slipped off his tongue, habit he guessed.
Kate slowly raised her head to look him in the eye. Her eyes red, bloodshot, puffy and tear stains clearly visible on her cheeks. She took a step forward & was grateful when Castle remained in the same spot, he didn't back away. That was good right? Thoughts raced through her mind, she had gone over her speech again and again in her head as she'd walked here. However right now standing in front of him all that she had prepared had gone out her head and she acts on impulse. "You" she says as she steps ever closer to him. She grabs him and pulls him close "You. I just need you now" Her lips are on his before he has time to think, before she has time to back out of this.
He melts into her as her lips touch his, all the hurt and pain slipping away, from the both of them. Then all of a sudden he pulls her away and looks at her in the eye. "What did you say?" She stares at him "You" she repeats "After that" he asks "You, I just need you now" He chuckles to himself and mutters "damn song" Before looking down at Kate's confused face. He pulls her close and whispers in her ear "I'll explain another time" She nods her head and grips his shirt fearing he might leave her. He guides her in, kicking the front door shut with his foot. "what happened?" he says into her hair "he got away and I didn't care. I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you" She steps back and looks into his eyes "I'm sorry Castle, I'm so sorry" He places his finger on her lips to silence her. Takes her hand in his, fingers entwined and leads her to the bedroom.
The dawn chorus sang and the early morning light streamed in through the windows. She stirred, the light hurting her eyes as she squinted to see. This wasn't her bedroom, this wasn't her bed it was far too comfy for one thing. The she heard a mumble from behind her, she slowly turned her head and suddenly it all came flooding back to her. She smiled at the man lying next to her. How had it taken her 4 years to see what had been right in front of her all along. 4 years of coffees and his wild, crazy ninja zombie alien theories for to see he was more than her partner, he was the man who never gave up on her, always had her back, kept coming back no matter how many times she pushed him away. Always there, a constant in her life. She knew he loved her, hell she'd known for almost a year. That wall she had built up inside of her, she knew there & then it had come down. Last night he had removed the last few bricks and here lying in his bed she knew what she had to do. She had almost lost him yesterday & for once she didn't think he'd have come back. She'd pushed him too far this time. So it was now or never, to show the man she loved just how she felt.
She ran her fingers over his cheek and onto his lips, placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder as he lay on his side with his back to her. He rolled over, grabbing her fingers before they left his lips, kissing them gently. "Morning" he said as she opened his eyes to a sight he has dreamt over for four years. Kate Beckett laying in his bed smiling at him. "Morning" she said back to him. His gazed up at her, grinning like a child. A grin that melted Kate's heart and make her swoon whenever he looked at her like that. She took a deep breath and spoke "Rick, I need to tell you something and please don't say anything until I've finished ok" He sat up and nodded a silent yes. The use of his first name not escaping his notice. She took his hands in hers and looked into his eyes "I remember, I remember everything from my shooting. I heard what you said" Rick didn't flinch, he knew this but Kate didn't know he knew so like she asked he remained silent "I panicked, I couldn't face it. I thought you were saying it because you thought I was going to die. I know now I was wrong, so very wrong & no amount of me saying sorry will ever make up for my lie that I didn't remember. I hope one day you can forgive me" She saw his mouth open to say something but he closed it again and just squeezed her hands, his eyes giving away how he felt. She continued "it took falling down the rabbit hole again to realise how dark it was down there & how alone I felt. You have been there, right behind me for so long now that I started to take for granted that you would always be there for me. But that day you walked out my apartment, I knew that maybe I'd pushed you too far and you wouldn't be there anymore, the sad thing was I was too far down the rabbit hole to see this & it took hanging off a building, holding on with one hand to see that this, this case wasn't worth dying for & wasn't worth losing you for" Rick just sat there, he had heard that right, he felt his mouth go dry as he tried to speak "hanging off a building?" Kate looked at the horror and pain on his face, she leaned forwards and kissed him softly on the lips "another story for another time" She placed her fingers on his lips, she hadn't finished yet "Richard Castle I don't ever want to lose you, yes you drive me crazy and make my world turn itself upside down & inside out but I wouldn't swap it for anything. You're my partner for now & forever. Even if I'm no longer a cop" This had his attention "what?!" he said with shock "I resigned" she said simply "oh no, no, no, this is certainly not another story for another time" he said echoing her words. She smiled at him "yes it is now shhh and let me finish" Reluctantly he bit his tongue and allowed her to carry on "I don't have much else to say expect something I should have said a long time ago. I love you. I love you Rick."
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, kissing her with such passion that she couldn't breathe. She'd finally said the 3 words he's been longing to hear her say for years. Curled up in his arms, Kate felt things she didn't think possible. She never wanted this moment to end. She loved him. He loved her. Nothing else in the world mattered right now. "I love you so much Kate Beckett. Always." He whispered into her ear, before planting little kisses along her jaw line until he reached her lips and planted a soft & tender kiss onto them. Kate beamed up at him, kissing him back. "Always" Their word. In this moment in time, that one word was the only word they really needed.
A/N2: Readers of Life is a Journey, the next chapter is coming. It's mostly written just a couple of bits I'm not happy with and having trouble editing it to my liking. But I promise it soon, really I do. x