Suggested listening:

"Sun Comes Up"- John Legend

Meredith was pregnant. Derek had come to her, in the locker room, in that hour before the wedding, and asked her to make a decision. He needed for her to make a decision, and she had walked away. It wasn't over then, not yet; but Meredith had to see Cristina walk down the aisle, needed to see her friend get married. What she needed was a sure thing.

After everything that had happened in the last year, everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours, even, Cristina getting married was what it all came down to. If Cristina could get her happily ever after, what was to say that Izzie and Alex and George and even herself couldn't find theirs, too? They just needed one thing.

But Cristina, her fellow intern, intelligent, driven, her person,never needed convincing, didn't doubt. It was only then, forty-five minutes later, standing behind those chapel doors in front of Cristina, pleading with her to walk down the aisle, did Meredith have an answer for Derek. It was over, so over. Good things, things that were truly meant to be, shouldn't be this hard, right? After all, if Cristina couldn't do it, what chance did any of the rest of them have?

Busy occupied with post non-wedding damage control, the little signs went by unnoticed at first. To avoid thinking about Derek, Cristina became her first priority; Cristina and Burke's old apartment, Cristina and the honeymoon situation, Cristina finding out about Burke's resignation from Seattle Grace. Once she seemed to be doing better (Meredith could never really be sure because Cristina had always kept so much to herself), there was George. George, or "Bambi," as Cristina had nicknamed him, had not passed his intern exam with the rest of them, and needed to "find his way." Meredith was more than obliged to aide in his cause, and after George came to terms with his situation and decided to redo the year, it was time for them each (with the exception of George) to be assigned five new interns.

All in all, by trying not to think of Derek, Meredith ended up doing just that: thinking of him all the time. In fact, as she leaned over the sink in the locker room and rinsed out her mouth, she had the nagging feeling that Derek might not be as out of her life as she had thought; not yet.

"Where's Grey?" Dr. Bailey barked right as Meredith rounded the corner and nearly ran into Alex and his interns.

"Here, Dr. Bailey," she said, edging in next to Izzie, out of breath. "Sorry."

"That's the second day in a row, Dr. Grey. You may have your own interns now, but I am still your resident, not your babysitter," she said, motioning towards Meredith's four new interns, plus George.

"Sorry Dr. Bailey," Meredith said again, taking the patient files that Bailey handed her. They had only been assigned their new interns two weeks ago and Meredith was pretty sure that hers were already wishing for a transfer. Well…maybe not George. Cristina shot Meredith a questioning look from next to her group of interns.

"Well don't everybody just stand there," Bailey ordered, "go find something to do! Oh, and Yang," she called out as they scattered with their interns, "this is a teaching hospital, Yang!"

"So I like to delegate," Cristina mumbled, catching up with Meredith, "is that so wrong?" She followed Meredith to the nurses' station and stood there with her arms crossed.

"What?" Meredith asked, glancing up from the file cart.

"So…" Cristina said slowly, "what's going on…?"

"It's nothing," she answered. Cristina glanced over at the interns and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, hold on," she said. "My interns, over here. Yeah, just wait right here. You too number four." She left them standing in the hall and hurried back to Meredith. "And you," she pulled Meredith away from her interns, "right here."

"Cristina, what are you doing?"

"The interns," she jerked her head towards the hall, "you don't want to say anything in front of them." It was more a statement than a question.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked incredulously, closing her file.

"Seriously." Cristina echoed. "They're nosy, I get it. Herding them around isn't all that it's cut out to be; they're always there. And now they're not. So talk."

"Cristina-"

"Is this a McDreamy thing?" she interrupted.

"No." Meredith crossed her arms and turned to face her. "Is micro analyzing my life a Burke thing?"

"Fine." Cristina glanced over her shoulder, ignoring the Burke comment. She lowered her voice, "Is it a number three thing?"

Meredith stared at her quizzically.

"A Lexie thing," Cristina corrected herself, "is it a Lexie thing?"

"I don't talk to Lexie," Meredith said, looking away, "So no, it's not a 'Lexie thing'."

"But it is a thing!" Cristina said triumphantly.

"It's not a thing!"

"So nothing McDreamy?"

"Nothing McDreamy."

"But it's always McDreamy…" Cristina rationalized, unconvinced.

"Not anymore." Meredith said resolutely.

"But you slept with him." Cristina said skeptically.

"We had breakup sex, and it was a mistake. Derek and I are not together, Cristina."

"Come on!" After what he said in the elevator! He's ready to be with you , Meredith! He's ready for a house and marriage and kids-"

"How did you-" Meredith began incredulously.

"Izzie." Cristina said, looking guilty.

"Izzie? How did she-"

"Oh come on, it's Izzie!" Cristina interrupted again, "But that's beside the point. He's ready, Meredith!"

"But I'm not!" Meredith said, angry. "I'm not, okay? You of all people should understand what would happen if I weren't fully committed to the relationship!"

Cristina recoiled.

"Um, okay," she said defensively, "Sorry. Look, I've got waiting interns." She turned to walk back down the hall.

"Cristina wait- I'm sorry."

"I'm free now," she stopped and turned back to face Meredith. "Things ending with Burke made me free. So now I've got time that would normally go to him, and you're my person. And since I don't have any surgeries scheduled for another," she looked at her watch, "two hours, that time goes to you...And your vomit!" she added in gleeful disbelief as Meredith suddenly ducked over and retched into the nearest trash bin.

"Hey, what's wrong with Meredith?" George asked, walking up beside Cristina.

"No idea," Cristina answered amusedly, watching Meredith. She glanced over her shoulder. "George, where are the rest of the interns?"

"…Off."

"Off where?"

"Off. Doing paperwork, helping patients."

"You sent them away?"

"Why not? It's better for them than just standing there watching you and Meredith talk."

"Them? George, you're one of them!"

"I'm a repeat, I know things."

"You've got to be kidding-" Cristina started loudly, then stopped mid-sentence to turn and stare at Meredith, who was spitting into the trash. "You've got to be kidding!" she said again, almost comically, pointing at Meredith.

"Uh, what's going on?" George asked, looking first to Meredith and then to Cristina.

"Nothing George," Meredith said, picking up her files. "It's nothing."

"Wait!" Cristina hurried after her, leaving George standing next to the trash bin, looking confused. "Wait!" she said again, catching up. "Seriously?"

Meredith stopped and turned to face her.

"I don't know."

"What!"

"I don't know yet." Meredith repeated, glancing down the hall.

"Don't you want to!"

"No." Meredith shook her head. "Yes. I don't know. Look, I've got to go. I've got surgery in a half hour."

"Fine. But I knew it was a McDreamy thing!"

"It's not a McDreamy thing." Meredith said firmly.

"It's not Derek's?"

"Yes, it is. But I don't even know if there is an 'it', Cristina! I've got to go."

"It is a McDreamy thing!" Cristina called after her smugly. "I was so right," she said, more to herself this time; and turned around to head back down the hall.